As Sistas in Zion

Mormon Gang Rivalry

2012-01-27T12:52:00.001-07:00

With all this talk about the "Mormon Moment," don't be surprised when you see Mormons on the next episode of American Gangster. When it comes to the blue and red rivalry, other gangs might be fighting for turf, but we act like we're fighting for testimonies. Brothas and sistas along the Wasatch Front are losing their minds and if you step onto Temple Square wearing the wrong colors your life could be in danger and you won't even know it.

You might think you know all about this LDS mess just because you're a sports fans or because you've heard about it, but believe us when we say, you have to see it to believe it. They don't call it the Holy War for nothing. Even though we weren't called to serve, we accepted the mission and went undercover at a football game to find out what's the big to do about red and blue.

We cast lots and Sista Beehive ended up in blue and Sista Laurel in red. Our cover story was that we were sisters who came from a long line of U graduates, Sista Beehive couldn't get into the U and had to attend the Y, thus becoming the blue sheep of the family. It was only fair since it was a home game for BYU and Sista Laurel had to sit in the heart of Cougar Club country...she stuck out like a missionary in a bar.

Things we heard:

Hey ladies, one of you is wearing the wrong color.
What kind of parents are upset that their kid got into BYU?
Are you guys Mormon?
So are you two related to any of the players? (You know they thought we were somebody's baby mama!)
Last time I checked, the church accepted red tithing checks.
The U of U is the school of the Prophets.
You two aren't LDS, are you?

To Sista Beehive: You look so nice in that heavenly blue, you should've helped your sister pick her outfit.
To Sista Laurel: Don't be a afraid to cheer, we're not like U fans, we're nice.
Are you guys twins? (We said, "yes.") Well how the heck did this [pointing at our outfits] happen!
To Sista Beehive: Are you the only member in your family?
Boy, those refs must be on the U's payroll!
It's obvious that the refs work for blue!
Hey, are ya'll Mormon?

Well brothas and sistas, in the end somebody has to eat crow...well kiss crow in this case.

What color are you down with? Do you even care? Got any crazy rivalry stories?

Jesus Said Love Everyone,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Mormon on Drugs

2012-01-13T11:45:00.001-07:00

Tylan Glines, self proclaimed “Mormon on Drugs.” At first glance he may seem like the boy next door, but when his family decides to film his trip to the oral surgeon to have his wisdom teeth removed, the world finds out he’s so much more. With over 150,000 views in its first week, Tylan’s Mormon on Drugs YouTube video seems on its way to viral victory. While medicated, Tylan supplies viewers with a plethora of opinions and laughs. He’s a fan of Limbaugh and Justin Beiber. Likes Mitt Romney, dislikes President Obama, but not because he’s black. He cries almost as much as Glen Beck. Has a wee bit of a caffeine addiction, and yes he’s a Mormon. This Mormon on drugs had us intrigued, so we decided to have a chat with his sober self.

Before we get started, did you have any questions for us, or about our blog?
No, I didn’t even know about you guys until I got your email.

Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel at the same time: You didn’t know about us!

Sista Laurel: We’re kind of a big deal.

Tylan: No, no, you are. I’ve been telling everybody to check Sistas in Zion out.

We’re just kidding of course, now that he knows that we are two sarcastic chicks the interview can begin.

Where did you come up with the title “Mormon on Drugs?”
I was at my aunt’s house, watching the video with all my cousins and we just came up with it because we thought it would be a catchy title, and it sure was.

We've got a list of quotes from Tylan’s video and we are dying to pick his brain about them. Here goes:

“Why am I crying?”
Since I don’t remember any of my thought process, I only remember arriving back at my house after the operation. I’m just assuming my subconscious was wondering why I was crying, for no reason too. I don’t know.

Sista Laurel: Are you Mormon?

Tylan: Yes.

Sista Laurel: We hear Mormons cry a lot.

Tylan: It’s true, we’re just kind of tender people, you know.

"I just want a normal Diet Coke."
[Laughs] This seems to be the greatest quote; I am actually working on some t-shirts to disburse around because this seems to be everybody’s favorite quote. When I got home from Christmas break my dad and I challenged each other to stay away from soda and caffeine. I guess I had a headache and just really wanted a normal diet coke with caffeine.

Sista Laurel: And you specifically prefer Coke over Pepsi?

Tylan: Yeah, absolutely Diet Coke all the way.

Sista Beehive: I’m assuming you’re a BYU student.

Tylan: Yeah.

Sista Beehive: So can you get any caffeine on campus?

Tylan: Nope, not on campus, but I even think there’s some kind of booth set up right off campus where they sell caffeinated beverages for the students. But I mean you can drink them, your fine, they just don’t participate in selling them. I guess to prevent students from becoming dependant on substances.

Sista Beehive: Can you bring caffeine on campus?

Tylan: Oh yeah, totally, absolutely. That’s kind of the Mormon style party, is Diet Coke right.

Sista Laurel: So would an underground, on campus, caffeine selling venture be profitable?

Tylan: I think it would be, I actually wrote a paper on selling caffeine on campus and kind of figured out the numbers. I mean its a billion dollar industry and a lot of college campuses around the country make quite a bit of money from selling caffeinated beverages. And a lot of students depend on caffeine, so I think it would be really successful. It sounds like a Mormon drug deal.

Sista Laurel: Well when you look at the dollars and cents it seems like something we Sistas might want to look into. Plus it’s not too dangerous, if the police pull us over we won't go to jail for having a trunk full of caffeine. And we’d pay tithing on our profits.

Sista Beehive: I want to go on the record saying that I would not do that, because BYU security is serious.

Tylan: Oh, they are. I got kicked out of the library once because I had a Jamba Juice and they said it wasn’t sealed sufficiently. Apparently the styrofoam cup and plastic lid it came in wasn’t good enough.

What was Jesus like when you met him?
Like I said, I don’t know my thought process or what was going on in my mind, but apparently I was walking down the yellow brick road with my pal Jesus.

Sista Beehive: What was he wearing, was he dressed normal, were you wearing a dress and some sandals?

Tylan: [Laughing] I have no idea.

Sista Laurel: So I guess you’re not going to be able to tell us if Jesus wears socks with sandals.

What made your family decide to film you?
I’m a typically bubbly, happy, outgoing person. I think they just figured that me hopped up on anesthesia would be quite interesting. We went through the doctor and made sure it was ok, and he okayed it as long as other patients weren’t on camera. And they just decided to film me. My brother actually watched the operation cause the Oral Surgeon’s our neighbor and he said I talked for about 10 minutes before he realized that he had his phone with him. That’s when he took out the cell phone camera and started recording in the operation room.

Sista Laurel: Ah, so he realized there was going to be some interesting stuff said?

Sista Beehive: Or did he just not trust your neighbor?

Tylan: I think he just liked seeing my mouth get ripped open.

You said that your legs felt like Jell-o, was that green Jell-o?
I’m assuming with my Mormon background and growing up in Utah it was probably green Jell-o.

Sista Beehive: With carrots?

Tylan: Yup, with shredded carrots.

“I have a testimony and they never thought I had a testimony, ever!”
When I watch that back I don’t know what I was thinking, but I’m just assuming that I was declaring to the world that I have a testimony so any doubters would understand that I have a testimony.

Sista Beehive: Do you have a lot of haters in your life?

Tylan: No, I don’t, that’s why I don’t know why I said that in the testimony part. I’ve always been involved in a lot of leadership positions. I don’t think I have any haters, maybe I do, now I kind of do.

You might have some haters out there because you said, “I don’t want to go to BYU anymore, those Mormons…some are so nice, [whispers] but some are just so rude.”
That part makes me laugh really hard. Just cause, you know, you get your typical self righteous individuals that are sometimes hard to deal with and bear. So when I watch that back I was just assuming I was referring to those individuals.

Sista Laurel: The BYU bullies?

Tylan: [Chuckles] Yes, the BYU bullies.

Sista Beehive: You’ve got 14 more minutes of fame, name some names, who is it?

Tylan: I don’t have any names.

Sista Beehive: Don’t say President Monson, don’t say him, but like who, Samuelson, Cecil, is it Cecil?

Tylan: No, I love the administration; BYU’s administration is absolutely fantastic.

Sista Beehive: Vern Heperi is he one of em?

Tylan: Nope, I love all, I love the whole administration.

Smart man, we’ll have to ask him who they are the next time he’s under anesthesia.

Speaking of people you love there was this quote: [In regards to disliking President Obama] “…And it's not because he's black. They are my kind of people because they are so wonderful to me, and I really appreciate it. In my Multi Cultural America class I learn that everyone is so beautiful.”

Sista Laurel: Ok, we’ll have to break it down cause it was a long quote, but let’s start with how “we” are your kind of people, I mean we were really excited to hear that, so we were just wondering about it.

Tylan: I really wish I could go back and go through my thought process like I’ve mentioned, just to know what I was thinking about.

Sista Laurel: It’s ok, you don’t have to answer the questions as your high self. You can answer them as your sober self.

Tylan: I mean, I just recently finished a class, Multi-cultural America and just learned a lot. It really kind of opened my eyes just to the kind of problems we are dealing with and have dealt with in America. So I’m assuming I clarified that after the Obama part, just to clarify that it’s not because he’s black. I come from a conservative background and I’m political, but I just really wish I could understand what I was thinking. I’m just assuming it was from the class that I took.

Sista Beehive: So we really aren’t that wonderful to you?

Tylan: No, no, you are, and my professor was actually of African American decent, and she was really amazing; I’m just assuming that’s what linked everything together. And the part, “everyone is so beautiful,” that line, it cracks me up.

Sista Laurel: It brought tears to your eyes.

Sista Beehive: Literally.

Tylan: It did, and so to the people that think I’m faking it, I really wish I could cry on demand like that, it’s pretty amazing.

Sista Beehive: Have people accused you of faking it?

Tylan: Oh yeah, I get a lot of comments on YouTube. You’re always gonna have that, but just people saying; I took acting lessons and I’m faking. And I told them, you know, if I could act like that, and fake it like that, I would be making a lot of money in the acting industry.

What are you studying in school?
I’m still undeclared major, but I’m thinking somewhere in the business field or political field.

Sista Laurel: Well how are you going to become a rich doctor and give all your money away?

Tylan: Well that was another thing, political science, premed, or business those are the three venues I’m thinking of.

We are definitely hoping that Tylan’s dreams come true. When he’s a rich doctor, business man or politician and gives all his money away to live in a “dirt box,” we hope he remembers us Sistas and cuts us in on the cash too. We’d pay tithing on it of course!

It might be hard for people to tell, but you are a huge Justin Beiber fan.
I love Justin Beiber! And to all the people that are such haters on JB, they need to see his movie and they just need to understand that everyone is an individual. Cause the Beibs really is a cool guy, not that I’ve met him, But I’m going to one day.

We hope that when that happens his family is there with the video camera too!

Sista Laurel: Do you like his music, his dance moves, his girlfriend?

Tylan: I do like his girlfriend, I think it’s a great choice, and I just appreciate the hard work he’s put into how far he’s come.

Sista Beehive: [After talking politics for a few] …Now we are going to get to the serious question.

Tylan: Perfect.

Sista Beehive: The bad word.

Holy BLEEP I just feel like...Did I just say a bad word, no I didn't, I never swear before, that’s ok, I’m tough…”
When I went back and watched it, I came to the conclusion that most of it was all truth. In fact, like almost everything, I think the only part was saying that I’ve never sworn before because I have. I’m not like a crazy sailor swearer, but I have sworn before. So I don’t know why I said that. Maybe my subconscious was afraid because I was with my family and so I felt bad. But yeah, I think that’s what’s gotten a lot of people, in mostly a good way, just because it’s hysterical. But I obviously was sincere in feeling bad that I was swearing, but I guess later on blamed it on my mom.

Sista Beehive: And your grandpa.

Sista Laurel: So your mom, is she a sailor?

Tylan: No, she’s not. I think growing up just like I’m not perfect, she’s not perfect, maybe I’ve heard her say some swear words so that’s just what maybe came to my head. And my grandpa did have a mouth every once in a while.

Sista Beehive: I noticed how your dad threw your mom under the bus, letting everybody know it was the mother you heard swearing and not the father.

Tylan: Yeah, that was pretty great, because it’s pretty even.

We just want to point out to all the women leaving comments about how cute Tylan’s dad is, the man is married. And despite popular belief Mormons do not practice polygamy. We got ya back Tylan’s mama.

You said, “Crap’s a good word, it’s a really good word.” Do you still feel that way?
Yeah I do, it’s a good substitute, especially for what I meant and growing up that was always the substitute word.

Is this your first year at BYU?
Yeah, I’m just starting my second semester.

Sista Laurel: What made you choose BYU?

Sista Beehive: You couldn’t get into the U of U?

Tylan: No it’d be vice versa. I toured six universities and loved two. I was kind of torn between BYU and Utah State, but I just kind of had a feeling I was supposed to be at BYU. And even if stuff bugs me while I’m here, I just say I’m supposed to be here so it will all just work out.

Sista Laurel: Even though you said you don’t want to go to BYU anymore?

Tylan: I do though; I think I was just frustrated.

Sista Beehive: How’d you do last semester?

Tylan: I did pretty good for my first semester, so I don’t think it had to do with anything academically. Maybe something was just rolling through my head, that I wish I could grasp.

What’s the response been on campus, have students seen it [the video], have they not seen it?
It’s been really fun to watch it grow, actually today when I was going to class I saw some girls pounding on a window and I looked up and they said, “You’re the Mormon on drugs.” I’ve taken pictures with a few people. It’s kind of hard for people to recognize me though because I was a little under the weather and my eyes were closed. But we’ve seen people in the library watching the video and a professor showed it in class today supposedly.

Sista Beehive: Have you been called in yet by the dean of students?

Tylan: I haven’t and I’m hoping that they would enjoy it. The marketing director of BYU contacted me and they wanted to play clips. I don’t know what they’ll play, but they wanted to play clips this upcoming basketball game and bring me on the floor.

Sista Laurel: It’s kind of like you’re the new Jimmer.

Tylan: I don’t think I’m gonna be as big as Jimmer, but its funny when people recognize me or put two and two together.

So let’s get to what all the girls want us to ask you, are you single?
Am I single? I am.

Sista Laurel: So you’re single. The ladies will be happy to know that. Now that Jimmer’s gotta girlfriend, they can move on to you.

Ladies don’t get too excited; Tylan turns nineteen this summer and plans to serve an LDS mission.

What’s the craziest thing to happen since you've done the video?
Probably when people, mainly girls, freak out and want to take pictures with me. I just think it’s crazy, obviously I enjoy it, who wouldn’t. Obviously it’s a lot of fun, somebody recognizing you. That and probably that BYU wants to play it at the basketball game. I thought that was kind of a big deal. I’m curious to see what they will play seeing that some of it could cause a little bit of controversy.

You said in the video that you wanted to be famous. Is that truly a goal of yours, or just something your subconscious said?
I mean if I happen to stumble upon it, which it’s kind of going in that direction, you know I mean, nothing crazy, but like I said in high school I did a lot of leadership and I enjoy being involved and being a part of the community. So I think when I refer back to that part in the video; it’s kind of talking more or less being involved and just kind of helping change people’s lives.

Well Tylan, don’t get too famous, some people say the church told Steve Young and Jimmer that they couldn't serve missions because they were too famous. If you get too big you might end up serving a cannery mission with David Archuleta. We hear that’s where they send missionaries that are so famous they’ll get recognized anywhere they go. Best of luck in your endeavors Brother Glines.

Have you seen Mormon on Drugs, what do you think of Tylan’s creation? Would you wear an “I just want a normal Diet Coke t-shirt? Is YouTube good for the Mormons, or bad for the Mormons?

Mormon Happy Feet

2012-01-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

Sista Beehive, Richard Elliot (Motab Organist) & Sista Laurel

Stepping is something that we Sistas learned at a young age and still love to this very day. At some churches step teams are used to make a joyful noise unto the Lord. (Psalms 98:4) Often when we think of making a joyful noise, we think of singing, but singing is not the only way to praise.

Remember that one penguin that couldn't sing and all the other penguins said, "Oh heaven no!" And then he learned how to step and then the other penguins changed their minds and said, "That's tight, he's with us!" (We're paraphrasing of course.)

If you know us, you know we are all about Motab. The choir is phenomenal, but we want to focus on the stepper in the choir today. Yup, the Mormon's gotta stepper. It's Brother Richard Elliot, take a look at his fancy foot work and you'll understand why the Sistas want him on our step team.

*Side note: We not tryna start a choir war, but we would love to see a step off between Brotha Alex Boye and Brotha Elliot. Who's your money on? (Monopoly money of course, cause we LDS aren't supposed to be gambling.)

Make a joyful noise,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Mormon Martini

2011-11-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

Being the Mormon-potluck-culinary-experts that we are, we wanted to share with you a recipe that we have painstakenly honed to perfection. It's FHE friendly, under-aged drinkers welcome and won't put your temple recommend in jeopardy!

Cheers!Sista Laurel & Sista Beehive

Don't Pray About the Book of Mormon

2011-11-14T14:43:00.001-07:00

*update: turns out the sign is a prank made in an online church sign generator. Still gave us a chuckle though.

If Mr. T were a Mormon...

2011-11-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

I pity the fool...who doesn't "Choose The Right!"

Tell Me the Stories

2011-07-24T11:50:00.278-06:00

Amanda & Samuel D. Chambers/Black Mormon Pioneers

July 24th is Pioneer Day, an official holiday in the State of Utah. The holiday celebrates those who emigrated to the Salt Lake Valley during the pioneer era. Today some Latter-day Saints will celebrate our pioneer heritage by telling stories of remembrance of our own pioneer ancestors or of pioneers whose stories have made an impact on us.

Outside of Utah, we too learn the stories of Mormon pioneers. Their stories are used in church lessons and talks as examples of faith, perseverance, service and so on.

Sometimes church members who are not of pioneer decent, or are new converts can feel intimidated and in awe of those members who have a rich pioneer history and are able to feel connected to the early saints. We all want to feel a connection to the history of our faith. It isn't always possible, but sometimes we are given that opportunity.

When we Sistas were growing up we often wondered were there any people who looked like us, saints of African decent, among the pioneers. We each learned of black pioneers at different times, and different life experiences brought us to the knowledge of these members. We don't share the stories of black Mormon pioneers because they are black and we are black, but because for us it was joyous to find diversity in the gospel, even in the early history of the church. Every member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a story and in every story there is value. We try to share stories that maybe you haven't heard before.

Samuel and Amanda Chambers

In 1844 LDS missionaries were having a hard time having their message received, but Samuel Davidson Chambers, a 13 year old slave was touched by what he heard. Samuel was born on May 21, 1831 in Alabama. After hearing and believing the missionaries message, without the permission of his master, he snuck away from the plantation at night and was baptized a member of the LDS faith.

After baptism Samuel was not able to interact with his religion for 21 years, but he remained faithful and steadfast. Brother Chambers stated that he had "known the gospel to be true ever since I was confirmed," that he "greatly longed" to be with the other Saints in Utah, but because he was a slave he "could never see how it would be brought about." After the civil war, Samuel and his family were freed from slavery and they began to save money to be able to join the LDS saints in Utah. In 1870 Samuel, his wife Amanda Leggroan Chambers, and his son Peter began the journey west. They traveled with Amanda's brother Edward Leggroan, his wife and their three children. Their party arrived in Salt Lake City on April 27, 1870. Chambers said, "I did not come to Utah to know the truth of the gospel, but I received it way back where the gospel found me."

In Utah the Chambers family cultivated 30 acres of land. Their property had two brick homes, Amanda and Samuel lived in one, Peter Chambers and his family lived in the other. Their farm did very well and Samuel, Peter and even sometimes Amanda would deliver goods by wagon. The Chambers were faithful in paying their tithing and contributed to the temple fund even though they were unable to partake of the temple blessings. (We have asked ourselves if we would have had the faith necessary to contribute to the building of a temple that we could not enter.)

Brother Chambers was known for bearing powerful testimony of the gospel and was a defender of his faith. He loved sharing his faith and giving copies of the Book of Mormon. Even though Samuel held no priesthood office the Chambers were very active in the church. The Chambers were well liked and in 1924 Amanda and Samuel celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary and had quite the turn out. Samuel died four years after Amanda on November 9, 1929. They died as faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and until the end they were as Samuel stated in his testimony, "active in doing what he could for the building up of the kingdom of God."

Until we meet again,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Getting to Know the Sistas

2011-07-20T13:53:00.005-06:00

We know it seems like we talk ALOT, and we do, but we actually are two pretty private gals.

Here's an opportunity to learn a little more about us personally.

We had a wonderful time participating in The Mormon Women Project. Check out our interview here.

How Would You Introduce Jesus?

2011-07-14T11:02:00.001-06:00

Reading Sista Laurel's post "The First Fish Fry" made me think of this video. Comedian Steve Harvey, was invited to provide some comic relief a few years ago at MegaFest (A Christian conference.) At the end of his comedy routine he bears his testimony and thanks God and his Savior for all of his success. He says that throughout his career he has been blessed to have had the opportunity to introduce some of the biggest names in show business, and then tells how, if given the chance, he would introduce Jesus.

This has changed the way I look at testimony meeting. What about ya'll Brothas and Sistas? If given the chance to introduce Jesus, how would you introduce him? Fast and Testimony meeting is fast approaching will you be introducing him this month or next?

God Is Love,
Sista Beehive

The First Fish Fry

2011-07-11T12:57:00.012-06:00

When I was younger we often attended our Sunday services at the LDS church and then went to church with my Granny, who was a member of a Baptist church. Although it made for a very long Sunday, I enjoyed attending church with my Granny. Even though she was not Mormon, Granny was always at our church because she attended whenever we asked her to. If there was a Primary program she was there, if there was a baptism she was there, ward activity there, pretty much if we sneezed and we wanted her at church with us, she was there.

Of course Granny loved us, but I think much of her willingness to attend church with us was because my parents allowed her grandchildren to attend church with her also. My Granny is no longer with us and I cannot express how grateful I am for those extra long Sundays, they are precious memories that I cherish, memories centered on Christ.

There were special Sundays at Granny's church where they had a dinner after the service. A fish fry! (A cookout or other meal at which fried fish is the main course.) On those Sundays we could clap our hands, stomp our feet, praise the Lord, and then get something to eat! On that Sunday you had better get there early if you wanted a seat, the Lord had a packed house that day. I would look around the chapel at all the people stuffed in the pews and think, "I hope the church ladies cooked enough, because I sure am hungry."

The choir was always good at Granny's church, but on fish fry Sunday, they were exceptional. The Preacher was of course a little long winded. He probably figured he needed to hit the Lord's message home for those in the congregation that wouldn't be coming back until next year's fish fry. As soon as the preacher said Amen, everyone would make a mad dash for outside. I would stand there in line with my plate thinking "Oh, I hope I make it up there before all of Granny's greens are gone."

When I finally reached the table, spread with a variety of wonderful foods, a church lady named something like Miss Mildred would take my plate and begin to serve me. Then I would have to tell her, "Miss Mildred, could I have the greens from that pot over there?" And she'd say, "They're all the same, greens are greens." And of course she knew that was lie, because we all knew about the pot of greens from the really nice church lady who couldn't cook, but always wanted to provide something. They kept it in the kitchen and everyone prayed that we didn't run out of greens and have to bring her pot out.

"Please," I'd say, "My Granny made the ones in that pot." She'd act like she was miffed about it, but then she'd give me a scoop of them. "Just a little more please, Miss Mildred," I'd say, after I saw how tiny the scoop was. "Look here, we've got a lot of people to serve," she'd tell me. Then somebody would pass by, maybe the Preacher, and he'd say, "Come on now Sister Mildred, if Jesus could feed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish, then I'm sure we'll be all right...give the baby a little more greens." Then Miss Mildred would smile at the Preacher, and give me a good size helping. After the Preacher had left she would look at me and say, "Alright now, you got plenty of greens, I better not see you up here asking for seconds."

I'd take my plateful of food to the table my family was sitting at, and look around. Everyone was happy and smiling and everyone was fed, all those people and everyone got a plate. Then I would wonder if that was what it was like when Jesus feed the 5000. Maybe Jesus looked around and everyone was happy and smiling and well fed. As I would take a bite of that delicious, golden, crispy fish, and it melted in my mouth, I'd imagine that as good as this fish tasted, Jesus' must of been even more divine. Boy, I would have loved to have been at Jesus' fish fry!

Now that My Granny's gone, I don't see many fish fry Sundays, but I'm still well fed. You see, when you feast on the Savior's word, you are always full. Everyone can partake; there is plenty to go around at the Lord's table. It was an absolute miracle when Jesus fed 5000 with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, and if we let him, he can feed us all too, the entire world. That's billions of people, oh what a fish fry that would be!

Peace and blessings,

Sista Laurel

Zion's Home & Visiting Teaching Service

2011-06-29T13:25:00.003-06:00

ZION'S HOME & VISITING TEACHING SERVICE: "We care when you don't have time to."

Home/visiting teaching getting you down? Can't get that annoying priesthood leader/Relief Society sister off your back? Home/visiting teaching interfering with your TV, golf or me time? We can help! At Zion's Home & Visiting Teaching Service we'll do your home/visiting teaching for you. For a small monetary fee we will send one of our trained representatives to the homes of your families.

Basic Visit. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10

Basic Visit plus Spiritual Message . . . . . . . $15

Birthday and anniversary cards in addition to the Basic Visit and Spiritual Message. . . . . $20

Is $20 too much to pay for peace of mind? Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.

PLEASE NOTE: Because of heavy volume, an extra $15 will be added for the last day of the month.

Check Out Our New Services!

Meetings: We will send a representative to the appropriate meeting to take notes for you and report back.

Ward Council Meeting: $30

Ward Council Meeting w/ written report: $50

Presidency Meetings: $20

PEC: $25

Sacrament Meeting: $20

Sunday School: $20

Priesthood: $20

3-hour Sunday Block (best value): $50

PLEASE NOTE: Surcharge of 10% for stake meetings. Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.

Talks and Lessons: Did a bishopric member call and assign you a talk? Tired of wasting Saturday night preparing a lesson? Well, free up your time and just read one of our professionally prepared talks and lessons. No need to spend countless hours pouring through books, writing and praying. We'll do it for you!

Basic Talk (any subject assigned): $20

Scripture Talk (basic + 5 scriptures): $30

Deluxe Talk (scripture + 1 poem + 2 G.A. quotes): $40

All talks are guaranteed to last 15 minutes. Add $1 for each additional minute.

Basic Lesson (40 minutes): $25

Deluxe (Basic + visual aides): $35

Super Deluxe (Deluxe + Handouts): $45

*Due to high expectations, centerpieces and floral arrangements, Relief Society lessons are slightly higher. Call for quote.

* Due to lower expectations, priesthood lessons receive a 10% discount.

Call us at 1-800-752-2537. That's 1-800-Slacker.

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a.. Funeral Potatoes

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For only $15 (plus deposit) each delivered to your house with Corningware marked with your name! They'll never know you didn't make 'em! Remember our number: 1-800-S-L-A-C-K-E-R

Introducing our Bundle Buys and Frequent Shopper Plan: Bundle any 3 services and receive a 20% discount. Receive one free Basic talk or lesson with any 10 purchases.

There you have it! We take all the work off of your shoulders and put ours to the wheel just for you. We're not doing the work for you, we are doing you a service, and after all isn't service what it's all about. A good person serves others, and an even better person lets others serve them. Let Zion's Home & Visiting Teaching Service serve you!

Count your blessings,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Mormon Nudists

2011-06-17T13:15:00.001-06:00

Before we heard about this KUTV news story on Mormon nudists we had no idea that such a community existed. Of course the idea of Mormon nudists piqued our interest, not because we are tempted to try it, but because of how contrary the concept seems with the modesty teachings of the LDS faith.

Since we don't personally know anyone who is a Mormon nudist/naturist, we decided to check out LDS Skinny-Dipper Connection, a website dedicated to "...faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints throughout the world who have a wholesome interest in social nudity under appropriate circumstances." There are no pictures on the website. While the site contains a lot of information about how these Mormon members reconcile teachings of the LDS faith with their desire to be nude, we were still unable to find answers to our most pressing questions about Mormon nudism.

~ A common tip for those who might be nervous about public speaking is for them to picture their audience naked. When giving a talk, if everyone is already naked, then what do you picture?

~ If you are home teaching or visiting teaching a reluctant family or sister, does showing up naked make them more or less likely to let you in to share the message that month?

~ When out and about and naked, where are our keys supposed to go?

~ When playing nude sports...there are just so many questions here we can't even wrap our brains around it?

~ Does getting naked make the stretch marks go away?

~ Since your clothes are already off, do you put your clothes on to let your spouse know you would like some alone time with them?

~ Sunburns, bug bites, splinters, frost bite, sports injuries, poison ivy, these all seem so deadly when naked?

Look, we don't foresee the LDS church coming out with a list of "appropriate circumstances" where "social nudity" is okay any time soon...or ever. To each their own, God be with you naked Saints, but we Sistas plan on keeping our clothes on.

Modest is the hottest,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

You Might Be a Mormon If...

2011-06-15T10:21:00.000-06:00

Finish this sentence! We know you've got some good ones.

Elijah Abel: Black Mormon Pioneer

2011-06-08T11:24:00.004-06:00

Elijah Abel, Black Mormon Pioneer

Today marks the 33rd anniversary of the restoration of the priesthood to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, of African decent. On June 8, 1978 LDS church leaders announced that the priesthood would be extended to Mormon men of every race. Those who were there for that remarkable day have said that they can remember exactly where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news.

While many of us have heard the stories of how the world and members of the church felt on this day, few may know the story of Elijah Abel. Elder Abel was was the first black Elder and Seventy in the LDS church and one of the few black members in the early history of the church to receive the priesthood.

He was born a slave on July 25, 1808, in Maryland, and it is believed that he escaped slavery into Canada by using the underground railroad. Elijah Abel was baptized in September of 1832 by Ezekiel Roberts. He was ordained an Elder on March 3, 1836 in Kirtland, Ohio by Joseph Smith, and in 1839 he was made a member of the Nauvoo Seventies Quorum.

In 1847 Elijah Abel married Mary Ann Adams, another African-American. Their first son Moroni Abel was born in 1849, and their son Enoch and grandson Elijah, held the priesthood. Enoch Abel, was ordained an Elder on November 27, 1900 and Enoch's son, Elijah, was ordained a Priest on July 5, 1934, and an Elder on September 29, 1935.

Elijah Abel served LDS church missions in New York, Ohio and Canada. He worked as a carpenter for the building of three LDS Temples, Kirtland, Nauvoo and Salt Lake. In 1853 Elijah Abel and his family journeyed to Utah with other Latter-day Saints. He and Mary Ann managed the Farnham Hotel in Utah.

Elijah Abel served his last mission for the LDS church in 1884, returned home and died on Christmas day, December 25, 1884. In 2002 a monument was erected in Salt Lake City at Elijah Abel's grave site to memorialize him and his family. The monument was dedicated by LDS church leader Elder M. Russell Ballard. His obituary in the Deseret News, said Elijah Abel "died in full faith of the Gospel."

It has strengthened our testimonies to learn the the history of the pioneers of our faith, especially those of African decent. On this day there are many stories to be shared, and this is the one that has touched us today. What do you remember about that day, or why is that day significant to you?

Oh Happy Day,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

No, Thank You! I'm Mormon

2011-06-06T09:00:00.008-06:00

1958 "Be Honest With Yourself" LDS advertisement.

As Sistas in Zion scenario: Dick and Jane are guests at a dinner party at the home of Bob and Betty. Betty has prepared a lovely tray of cocktails which Bob is graciously offering to his guests. Dick and Jane are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,and Bob is unaware that Dick and Jane do not drink alcohol.

Being a gentleman, (ladies first!) Bob offers Jane a drink. Before Jane can even respond Dick yells, "No! We do not drink alcohol. We are Mormons and we believe in the Word of Wisdom." Dick then knocks the drink out of Bob's hand spilling red wine on the new tie which Bob's children lovingly handpicked from the Sears Roebuck Catalogue, and gave to him for Father's Day.

Betty, the ever prepared hostess, retrieves a bottle of club soda to offer as a drink to her sober dinner guests and use on the spilled red wine before any stains set. Bob tells Dick "not to worry" and that "Betty is a whiz at getting stains out." Bob apologizes to Dick and Jane for being unaware of Mormon customs and assures them that any offense was unintentional. Bob and Betty excuse themselves so that they can get Bob out of his soiled shirt and into a freshly pressed one, which Betty wisely had on hand in case of instances such as these.

While Bob and Betty are away Jane gives Dick a stern look. Dick tells Jane that he is "uncomfortable staying at a dinner party where "strong drink" is being served." When Bob and Betty return, Dick and Jane make a polite excuse and swiftly leave the dinner party. Bob and Betty discuss how they "never took Dick and Jane for such strange people," and decide that it must be their being Mormon that makes them so peculiar. Betty regrets inviting them over for dinner and hopes to heaven she can get the wine out of Bob's tie, because the children would be so disappointed.

Have you ever been with an LDS friend in a social setting and they act so awkwardly in a situation in which a simple "no, thank you" would be enough? You're at a restaurant and they hand you the wine list and this friend has to go into a long explanation about why you don't need it. Someone asks if you have a lighter and instead of just saying no, there's a weird stutter filled answer, or they are always complaining because there's a coffee pot in the break room. Do you ever find yourself in the situation of apologizing for the social awkwardness of Mormon friends, or are you the person that finds it difficult to navigate these social scenes?

In the 1950s the LDS church launched an advertisement campaign entitled "Be Honest With Yourself." Although the ad may be dated we think the following advice is still quite relevant:

"No, Thank You!

How should you answer the person who invites you to “take a cigarette” or “have a drink” – or do anything which is against your conscience or contrary to the teachings of your Heavenly Father?

What should you say? How much do you need to explain or apologize? When, if ever, should you compromise just a little for the sake of appearances?

The answer is easy. Just say “No – no, thank you.” Don’t waver. Don’t worry about how others may think or act. Be your own natural, honest self. Everyone admires sincerity.

If the invitation to indulge in something you don’t believe in comes from a host or hostess while you are a guest, your answer will come even easier. The obligation of courtesy is not that of the guest but of the host.

The gracious host will never press you, never question your right to be yourself in matters of conscience. He will admire you for your forthright stand.

It’s natural to want to be liked by the crowd. But compromising with principles is always wrong, often dangerous.

What is right? What is wrong? Fortunately, there are ways for members of the Church to recognize right from wrong. Read the Scriptures; listen to the teachings of your Church leaders. And listen, also, to the whisperings of that “still, small voice.” When it whispers “It’s wrong; don’t do it!” – say firmly, honestly, finally: “No, thank you – no!”

BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF"

Sidenote: Is it just us, or does anyone else looking at this picture think Dick should be less worried about the drink and more worried about why Jane and Bob are gazing into each others eyes? We're just sayin.

God be with you,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Girls Gone Mild: Duck Beach Mormon Style

2011-05-27T09:42:00.004-06:00

This weekend hundreds of Mormon young single adults will be flocking to Duck Beach, North Carolina for spring break. This annual get away is seemingly a chance for LDS singles to find their eternal companions. We had never even heard of it until we read this article by McKay Coppins at the Daily Beast. Coppins calls it "...the most bizarre spring break on the planet," because there is no sex or alcohol.

Apparently the unwed LDS are feeling extra pressure this year because of President Monson's words on marriage at this past April's General Conference. What has this obscure Mormon spring break making headlines this year is that there is a documentary being filmed called Duck Beach A Single Mormon Story. The filmmakers are planning on capturing the mystery of a weekend "fraught with sexual tension."

We sistas would like to give our peeps headed to NC this weekend some tips on how to stay SAFE & CHASTE.

1) Remember. Remember that there will be a camera crew there filming a documentary. Remember that people will be taking pictures and posting it on Facebook. Remember to not do anything that you wouldn't want us to find on YouTube and post on our blog, because yes, we are like that, we will post it.

2) Practice safe text. Those flirty text messages can get you all hot and bothered and into a whole heap of trouble. Here's what you do. Click on the contact button at the top of our site and send us an email with "Safe Text" in the subject line. We'll send you a phone number, where you can cc us on every text you send this weekend. Knowing that we will see everyone of your texts and post them on our Facebook wall in a hot second, should keep your texts clean and pure.

3) Chasity belt. Wear a fanny pack and keep your scriptures in them. Seriously, it's harder to be unchaste when you have to get through Second Nephi first.

4) No cohabitation. Remember when you were little and you had that sign on your bedroom door or your tree house that said "NO GIRLS/BOYS ALLOWED" bring it with you.

5) Eternal perspective. Remember you are there to find an eternal companion not eternal damnation.

6) Modest is the hottest. Keep your clothes on.

7) Have fun. The I'm going to Disney land kind of fun, not the I'm auditioning for MTV's Jersey Shore type of fun.

Got any other tips to keep our Duck Beach brothers and sisters SAFE & CHASTE?

Remember who you are,

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Primary the Mormon TMZ

2011-05-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

We have both had callings in Primary (LDS Children's Sunday school.) Every church calling allows you the opportunity to learn and grow. Here's a lesson we've learned through serving in Primary. If you are walking down the hall on a fine Sunday morning and somebody deliberately trips you causing you to fall on your face and break your nose. If you look up and the person that tripped you is your child's Primary teacher, just get up and keep walking. Don't even look em in the eye, you might even want to apologize to them.

Look, here's the thing...even if you are known in your ward as the Grinch who stole Sunday, have some sense and at least be nice to your ward's Primary leaders and teachers. You may think you know why we are offering this crucial piece of advice. It's not because they are the poor souls who take your kids off your hands for two hours on a Sunday. It's not because they are the ones entrusted with your most prized possessions each week. It's not even because Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too, when your heart is filled with love, others will love you.

The bottom line is this, be nice to the adults who serve in Primary because: THEY KNOW ALL YOUR BUSINESS! Yup, brothas and sistas, that's it. All of the information that you don't want to leave the house and all of the stuff that is supposed to stay in the family, forget about it, cause ya kids are spilling the beans in Primary. You may be thinking to yourself, not my children, my children are well trained, they know better than that. Nope, they don't.

You see it's not intentional, and it usually happens quite innocently. A poor unsuspecting Primary teacher could ask a question as simple as: Can anyone tell me of a time when you have prayed and received an answer to your prayer? The next thing you know your son raises his hand and says: Once my Dad forgot his and my Mom's anniversary and my Mom was really mad and was slamming all the doors in the house. The teacher at this point might try to keep the child on topic and say: So you prayed that your Mommy would feel better and she did. Then your son says: Nope. Then the teacher says: You prayed that your Dad wouldn't forget their anniversary next year. And your son says: No, I prayed that she wouldn't slam the doors anymore because it was making my ears hurt. And it worked because she went outside and ran over Dad's golf clubs instead, and that didn't hurt my ears.

A leader might ask, what did you do this past week? BAM! That's all the invitation your little bedlamite needs to explain how Daddy grounded her older brother for life because Mommy and Daddy had to go get him from the jail, and Mommy says he's irr-ray-possible and can't drive the car anymore.

TMZ, The National Enquirer, Google, they can all take a back seat, they can't get the scoop like these Primary ~~reporters~~ children can. Channel 8 news is probably lying when they say breaking news, we're bringing it to you first, cause chances are somebody in Primary told that headline weeks ago.

So now we are all on notice. The next time you see your ward's Primary presidency and teachers, smile, say hi, shake their hand, give em a peice of chocolate, some hush money, do something, cause brothas and sistas...THEY KNOW ALL YOUR BUSINESS!

Jesus is the reason,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Another Mormon Musical

2011-05-24T09:30:00.005-06:00

You've most likely heard of the Broadway musical, The Book of Mormon, which raked in 14 Tony Award nominations. We haven't seen it, so we can't critique, but word on the streets is that Mormon or not, you either love it or hate it.

Mormons are sizzling HOT right now! (If you're Mormon and you know it clap your hands...but be careful you might burn yourself.) Barrington Stage Company is getting ready to present Mormons, Mothers and Monsters. That's right folks, its another musical comedy with Mormon in the title.

Popularity is a short ride. Like ~~our good friend~~ Heidi Klum says: "One day your in, the next day your out...Auf Wiedersehen." Who knows when Mormons will be back in style again, so we are thinking of producing a Mormon musical. Why shouldn't Latter-day Saints get in on the Mormon Broadway action? Here are a few ideas we've tossed around. We'd love your thoughts on our play concepts and of course any new ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Twin sisters fall in love with the same RM. Ultimatley, because Mormons do not practice poligamy, the young man is forced to choose. The jilted sister becomes green with envy (literally!) and resorts to various wicked deeds in hopes of keeping the happy couple from reaching their Temple wedding date. Is there a happily ever after in this Mormon fairytale?

Mary is an over zealous visiting teacher who can't keep a companion for the life of her. Further, she refuses to set appointments with the sisters she teaches and insits on surprise pop ins. This play is filled with delightful songs such as; Just a Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Lesson Go Down, Mary Go Fly a Kite, and SuperMormonFragalisticPleaseDontDressAtrocious.

Brother von Trapp a Mormon widower with a lot of kids, grabs a container of cherrios and takes his family to listen to Music and the Spoken Word one Sunday morning. Amongst the hundreds of singers in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir one voice stands out to him...Maria's. Maria is a lovely sister who loves nature and is always running through the hills, causing her to be late to choir practice. The other members of the choir decide that the only way to solve a problem like Maria, is to get her married, and Brother von Trapp seems to be just the right man. Guest appearance by Lloyd Newell.

If you don't know this storyline, check it out here. The idea would be to somehow make each diary entry rhyme, and then set them to music.

See you at the Tonys!

Peace and Happiness,

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Caption This!

2011-05-18T11:44:00.000-06:00

We found this over at AkwardFamilyPhotos.com and we bet our bottom dollar they are Mormon. Ok peeps, caption this photo.

Have I done any Good In His/Her World Today?

2011-05-08T14:39:00.000-06:00

What did I do to help shape his/her world today? This is a question mothers and mother-figures often ask themselves. The discussion of motherhood seems to arouse strong emotions in us. We all come to the discussion with our own personal experience, yet one thing that we can all agree on is the relationship (or lack thereof) between a mother and a child is a vital part of helping to shape us. And how we see ourselves in the world.

The relationship with our mother often establishes a pattern of future relationships.Which is why many of us will sit in church today silently battling the internal conflict of the “Good” mother. As Sista LaKeysha (a safe name for us because there isn’t a LaKeysha in our wards...currently) stands up today and shares how wonderful her mother was. You’ve heard it before:

“I’m so grateful for my wonderful mother and the example she was to me growing up. Everyday when my 12 brothers and sisters and I came home from school, my mother had fresh baked cookies for us with a cup of freshly squeezed milk from our family cow Daisy. She got her Ph.D. from BYU in Early Childhood Education with a minor in Psychology, just so she could be of aide to her children when we needed her. I don’t know what I would have done without the love and support of my wonderful mother…"

C'mon Sistas, sit up a little higher in those seats. Please stop beating yourselves up because you weren’t like Sista LaKeysha’s mother. The person we make our mothers out to be in our adult minds are often very different from the mother we had as young children, and that person is different from the mother we had in our pre-teen and teen years. The point is, we should no more beat ourselves up over Sista LaKeysha’s experience than we should over Sista Becky’s. Whose story we may have heard as well:

“Hello, I’m Becky and I honestly don’t know why the Bishop asked me to speak today. Ummm, and I really don’t know why he asked me to speak right after Sista LaKeysha, because our lives couldn’t have been more different. Ummm, I really struggle with Mother's Day. I didn’t have the best mom growing up. My mother was emotionally and physically abusive. She had some addictions and we often went without because of her issues. She often left my two brothers and I in adverse situations that were beyond our control. If it weren’t for the mercy of strangers our lives may have turned out completely different. My number one goal was to be completely different then she was, and I am…!"

Okay, that was a bit dramatic. However, just as you shouldn’t celebrate not being like Sista Becky’s mother, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being like Sista LaKeysha’s mother. As we start down the rocky path of motherhood most of us have no idea what is going to be asked of us in the process of parenting another one of God’s children. Even when we start that journey with the best of intentions, the entire process holds countless surprises. Some women can’t wait to be mothers and then realize too late they probably should have waited. Some women wait then realize they could have started earlier (we don’t know that person, but one of you might). The reality is being a mother offers up multiple opportunities for helping or hindering our children toward adulthood.

As mothers we have many truths (not really, but we believe them to be true). When children behave inappropriately (in public), it’s the mother’s fault. When children are well behaved, it’s because they were brought up “right”. Because of the widespread tendency within our culture to blame the mother, it's common for those of us who have braved the rapid waves of mothering to live with haunting questions about what we did or did not do in shaping our children's lives. "Mother's guilt" is a common ailment, especially among LDS Women. Whether you have mild, infrequent discomfort or full anxiety attacks, very few women (even those who don’t have children) escape “Mother's guilt.”

The truth is, motherhood (womanhood) is difficult. For some, the demands of both are met with ease; for others, the demands are simply too much. We are the bridge between generations. It is wise for us to try to remember and be merciful towards those who have and still stumble as they continue trying to establish a foundation on motherhood. Also, we should celebrate with our sistas who seemingly have it figured out as they soar beyond the limitations we may have set for ourselves.

Today it is wise to remember the women who have influenced our lives with some justice (Lest we deceive ourselves, setting standards that would make even Mary the mother of Jesus feel inadequate), but mostly mercy. Because we are all simply doing the best we can with what we've been given. As our MoDea (Mormon Madea) says “When you know better, you do better.” Here is to wishing us all better days ahead.

Happy Mothers Day,
Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel

That Ain't Right!

2011-04-28T11:24:00.004-06:00

Once we were visiting a Baptist church with some friends. The Pastor was giving a sermon on…well we aren’t exactly sure. At some point he began a tangent we like to call "That ain't right."

It went a little something like this: If yo Priest lives in the big house and ya parishioners live in the po house, that ain't right! If the Reverend has a chef, and the congregation eats whatever's left, that ain't right! If ma Minister got a real nice suit, and all the church folk got holes in they shoes, that ain't right!

Then he looked right over at us and said, if the Bishop got a BMW spinnin' on dubs (fancy rims) and the members drive a Pinto that needs a jump start and a shove, THAT AIN'T RIGHT! Whaaat! We looked at each other, we looked at the Pastor, was he for real trying to call us out for being Mormon in front of the entire congregation.

Another time at a different church the Reverend was inviting people to come up to be prayed for. When no one was coming up on their own the Reverend decided to call for those who needed prayers.

It went a little something like this: This young sister right here is 20 years old has three kids, two baby daddies and a one baby on the way, let us pray for her. Church this brother came into my office and said Reverend, I have transgressed. Church do you remember that he has been in AA? Well he has not been attending his meetings and just this morning he had a sip. Let us pray.

This got us thinking how glad we are that the LDS church does not have a portion of Sacrament meeting where we can share other peoples business or call people out. Can you even imagine it! You know that sister or brother in your ward that gets up every Fast and Testimony Meeting and tells all their business and we're all thinking TMI, TMI, TMI! Well imagine if they could tell yo business.

It would probably go a little something like this: I just wanted to take this opportunity to share my testimony. I'm grateful for the Word of Wisdom and how it has been a protection to me and my family, let me be the first to admit that I struggle with the need to drink a diet coke occasionally, but it is nothing compared to the trials that Brother Brown and his family have to deal with because of his addiction to alcohol.

I promised myself I wasn't going to do this, (as she starts to do the Relief Society fan and cry) but I'm so grateful for Sister Leak, she is such an example to me of the type of mother I'd like to be to my children. I mean, she makes it look so easy raising all those children alone. I don't think I would be strong enough to send my children to their fathers (plural) homes knowing that they were being taught things there that are contrary to what we believe. But she has faith that things are going to work out and that Heavenly Father is aware of their needs and she has been right so far. She is such an amazing example of a woman of faith. I know that if I can learn to have faith like her, that Heavenly Father will remember and not forget me.

Brothers and Sisters, as Bishop, I am shocked at the long pauses between testimonies. There are many of you here who have had your testimonies strengthened just this week. For instance you there Sister Jones, the Lord has blessed you, the DNA test could have gone the other way, but it did not. You and Brother Jones are now blessed with a family. Come up and testify of how God answers fervent prayers.

Let's all take a deep breath and on the count of three say it together...1-2-3, That Ain't Right!!! Like our Aunty use to say, "If the Lord ain't talking about it, neither should you!"

God is Great,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

J. Golden Kimball, A Very Funny Mormon

2011-04-26T11:35:00.001-06:00

Our non-LDS readers may not know this, but LDS Church leaders are actually known to have keen senses of humor. One of the funniest in our opinion is J. Golden Kimball. There are many funny stories and quotes attributed to him and we don't know which stories are 100% accurate and which are Mormon folklore but we do know they are hilarious, here are a few:

There was to be an impressive tour given to some dignitaries from other lands. J. Golden Kimball was assigned to the tour as a guide. They first took a bus trip to the important historical sites in and around Salt Lake City. Brother Kimball would constantly remind the visitors how fast buildings were put up by the industrious Mormons. Every time he would say so, one of the dignitaries on the tour would say, "Oh, is that right? In our country we could do it in half the time." J. Golden began to get madder and madder as the dignitary persisted to offer such comments. The tour was to end by having the bus drive around Temple Square. Then this dignitary asked, "What is that building there?" as he pointed at the Temple. "Damned if I know," said J. Golden. "It wasn't there yesterday." (http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden02.htm)

The story is told that someone stopped Elder J. Golden Kimball on the street on one occasion. There had been a little difficulty in Elder Kimball's family that had become publicly known, and whoever it was who stopped him, no doubt with a mind to injure, said, ' Brother Kimball, I understand you're having some problems with one of your children.' His answer was, ' Yes, and the Lord is having some problems with some of his, too.' (http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden12.htm)

President Grant sent a note to Golden. The note read that there was a member of the stake presidency from Coalville, who had passed away. His wife had requested Golden speak at the funeral. Golden didn’t get the note until he returned from a Church assignment in Southern California. By then the funeral was in an hour, and Coalville was almost two hours away He hopped in his Model T and drove as fast as he could. When he arrived, the funeral was almost over. The bishop saw Golden walk in. "Brother Kimball, come forward. We’d like to hear from you."

He went up and said, "I’m very happy to be here. I’m sorry I’m late. I want to tell you what a wonderful person this man was. I knew him, I’ve stayed in his home. He was an inspiration to me. He was a good father, he was a good husband. He goes to a great reward." As he started to hit his stride, he looked out in the audience. About the eighth row back, there sat the man he thought was dead! So he looked down in the casket. He did not recognize the man lying there. Confused, he turned and said, "Say Bishop, who the hell’s dead around here anyway?" (http://wabei4.tripod.com/kimball/golden14.htm)

Be Blessed and Highly Favored,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Diary of a Mad Black Mormon

2011-04-22T10:23:00.007-06:00

Dear Diary, today I was chased in an LDS Temple. It startled me because the temple is a very reverent place where people aren't usually speed walking. I didn't recognize the woman at all, so I picked up my pace and I tried to get to where I was going as fast as I could. When the out of breath woman finally caught up to me she said, "How do you say welcome in Ghana?" You know that song, I Stand All Amazed...well I was standing there...in the temple... looking at her... all kinds of amazed! "I don't know," I finally said. She started telling me a story about somebody in her family, who is or was going on a mission to Africa, I'm not really sure because I was too stunned to process correctly. What made this probably nice and usually sane lady ask me that?

Dear Diary, today I attended an LDS singles ward dance. I was doing my thang and having a great time when this overly confident young man approached me and asked me to dance. While we were dancing he said, "You know why I asked you to dance?" "Because I'm one of the few girls here with rhythm," I said. "No," he said "I want to touch your hair." Now, I know that Mormon guys can be awkward, but this dude was way past that. "Excuse me," I said. "Oh no, it's cool," he said "One of my mission companions was black and he had the coolest hair, I use to rub his head all the time, but I've never touched a black girls hair, and I..." That’s all I heard, as I was walking away.

Dear Diary, today I was at the swimming pool and this man kept staring at me. Finally he came over to me and said "Where are you from?" I named a city and state, but then he said, "No, I mean where are your people from?" "Oh," I said and then told him the state my people were from. "No, I mean before that," he said. Now I was getting frustrated so I said, "Before that they were probably on somebody’s plantation, and before that they were on a boat, before that they were probably somewhere in Africa, before that the pre-existence, look what's it to you.” You’re from Nigeria,” he said, “I served my mission there, and you look just like the people there." He was grinning from ear to ear, and I was picturing myself pushing him into the pool.

Dear Diary, today I attended General Conference at the Conference Center with my family. An older couple walked up to us and the wife said, "Can I please give you a hug?" Before I could answer she wrapped her arms around me and started crying. She then began hugging each of my family members in turn. We were very scared and hoped some of the men walking around in black suits were secret service agents. Her husband said that they had just returned home from serving as senior missionaries in St. Louis. They had served in the poor areas and seeing our family had caused them to be overcome with great joy because we reminded them of the people in St. Louis who they had come to know and love.

Brothas and Sistas, we aren’t really mad, and we know that people from all cultures have experiences like these with missionaries who have served in their neck of the woods. Usually after the initial shock and embarrassment wear off, we get a really good kick out of it. We were just wondering is there a class they could teach in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) that would cover what not to do, say or ask people who look like they could be from where you served your mission…lol!

Have a blessed day,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Caption This!

2011-04-20T11:57:00.002-06:00

If this were a MORMONAD what would the caption be?

Stake Dance Wars

2011-04-18T12:06:00.002-06:00

I attended a very diverse LDS stake where I was called to work with the youth. Our stake was diverse in age, racially, culturally, economically, socially, you name it. Many blessings come from being surrounded by people who are different from you, yet all having common ground as brothas and sistas in the Gospel.

Minus the out-of-whack hormones, I enjoy working with the youth. However, there is one youth activity that can get a little crazy when working with a diverse group...a stake dance. Somehow I always find myself on music duty, which means sitting next to the DJ, keeping the girls from flirting with him and maintaining the requests list. If you think that sounds easy, you don't know how wrong you are.

First issue, age, there could be a ninety year old sister serving punch and cookies and the youngest teens at an LDS dance are usually fourteen. What happens is: dear sweet Sister 1920's shuffles over to let me know that she finds the music too loud. Then Brother So-and-so wants me to translate every rap song because he can't understand what they're saying. Another sister comes by and asks that we try not to play so much rock music, it makes the boys jump in to each other and it's dangerous.

Then there are the kids. The black kids inform me they came to the dance to get crunk (have a good time), but they can’t because the music is whack (bad). The DJ plays a hip-hop track. The Hispanic kids stop by to let me know that they want to really dance, and you can't really dance to what the DJ is playing, please, please, play some Bachata (a form of music and dance that originated in the Dominican Republic). The DJ obliges.

Some of the Asian kids want to get a break dance battle going, so could the DJ hit’em with a tight (cool, hip, amazing) beat. The Polynesian kids would like to chill (hang out, relax) to something mellow. The DJ plays a little something-something with ukulele in it. A group of white kids come over, like (a word spoken in between each word in a sentence, usually used by teenage girls) do you like have any like High School Musical.

By now the DJ officially thinks Mormons are crazy (there goes any chance of converting this dude) and he can't wait to get out of here. Play some Beach Boys and the leaders are on the dance floor, but the kids are a united front and clearly on strike. The girls say there are not enough slow dances the boys say there are way too many.

It’s the end of the night, there are no satisfied customers. I tell the DJ to put a Michael Jackson song on. The dance floor fills up. Leaders know his music; the kids are poppin’ n lockin’ (urban dance style associated with breakdancing). Finally everyone is happy. Brother so-and-so is boogieing this way (what now, he can’t possibly need me to translate Michael Jackson). In between his spazmatic dance moves, he tells me that he likes Jackson 5, but The Osmonds are better.

Now I’ve had it, the DJ announces last song and asks me what he should play. Everyone seems to be pretty happy with Michael Jackson, so I figure we stick with Michael and end the night on an up swing. “How about "Beat It",” I say. Here’s to hoping they all get the hint. ;-)

God is Good,
Sista Laurel

A Different Kind of Saint

2011-04-09T09:30:00.002-06:00

Being a convert to the LDS faith, I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to develop a love for His word. While I have a firm testimony in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I really enjoy going back to my family church, the Pentecostal church, to listen to the preachers and to allow the music to fill my soul and testify to my spirit. I love gospel music and one of my favorite artists is Ms. CeCe Winans. One of her songs "Alabaster Box" is a story that I think many of us can relate to:

"The room grew still

As she made her way to Jesus

She stumbles through the tears that made her blind

She felt such pain

Some spoke in anger

Heard folks whisper

There's no place here for her kind

Still on she came

Through the shame that flushed her face

Until at last, she knelt before his feet

And though she spoke no words

Everything she said was heard

As she poured her love for the Master

From her box of alabaster"

As a teenager I was given a beautiful cross necklace by one of my relatives. I had no idea that wearing it to the LDS church would create such a frenzy. The reaction that I received from other members especially the adults was very hurtful, and if I didn't have a steadfast testimony in the Gospel, I might have left the church. I couldn't understand why they continued to tell me "We don't wear crosses." Who was "we?" And why don't "we" wear crosses? Umm, when I got baptized that wasn't one of the things that the missionaries said we couldn't do.

For those members who have a long family history in the Church, who come from what some members like to call “Pioneer stock” it must be difficult to deal with converts that march to the beat of their own drum. Yet, still manage to stay in rhythm with the rest of the saints. Does it really matter if some people take the Sacrament with their left hand?

"And I've come to pour

My praise on Him

Like oil from Mary's alabaster box

Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears

And I dry them with my hair

You weren't there the night He found me

You did not feel what I felt

When he wrapped his love all around me and

You don't know the cost of the oil

In my alabaster box"

We all at some point find ourselves searching for His image in our countenance. A few years ago, I was wandering through a store in an area with a predominantly white demographic, and noticed a picture of Jesus Christ. It was an image of Jesus portrayed as a black man. I grabbed the picture and found myself in the longest line ever. Being short on time I put the picture back with the intention of returning for it when I had more time.

When I returned I found that all of the copies of that particular image were gone. I inquired as to how I could order a copy of the image only to have the sales clerk disappear to the back room and return with a copy. I inquired about why the picture was in the back and was told that the image of Christ was offensive to some of the customers so they were told to pull it.

It doesn’t shock me that white people tend to gravitate toward images of Christ that favor them, just as people of color may gravitate to the images of Him that look the most like them. We all want to feel that we were indeed created in His image.

"I can't forget the way life used to be

I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound

And I spent my days

Poured my life without measure

Into a little treasure box

I'd thought I'd found

Until the day when Jesus came to me

And healed my soul

With the wonder of His touch

So now I'm giving back to Him

All the praise He's worthy of

I've been forgiven

And that's why

I love Him so much"

The message is: My relationship with the Savior is personal. The way I choose to worship and show gratitude for what the Savior has done for me may be different than what you were taught, but that doesn't place less value on me in the eyes of my Savior, does it? I'm really grateful that as a youth I was taught in a church that encouraged and pushed me to figure out for myself the type of relationship that I wanted to have with God, Jesus Christ and my earthly brothas and sistas.

I'm happy for the example of the Brethren and the way they LOVE people. All people. They seem to embrace the people and the cultures they come in contact with. I've even witnessed them singing and clapping along while they listen to a gospel song, Negro spiritual, or giving an Amen, and I often wonder...what is it that they know that the rest of us don't.

"You don't know the cost of the oil in my Alabaster Box"

Your Sista in the Gospel,
Sista Beehive

Can Mormons Dance?

2011-04-07T09:30:00.009-06:00

We get this question a lot from some of our non-LDS readers, CAN MORMONS DANCE? If you are asking if we are allowed to dance, the answer is YES, and LDS youth are given specific guidelines about dancing. If you are asking do Mormons know how to dance? Do we have rhythm? Are we capable of dancing? The answer is, all Mormons are not created equally. We can only speak for ourselves, Oh Heaven yeah! WE can dance, but we can't speak for all of our brothas and sistas, we'll let you judge for yourselves.

God is Love,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Lions and Tigers and Bedlamites, Oh My!

2011-04-05T09:30:00.035-06:00

First things first, we can’t say enough about how wonderful April 2011 General Conference was this past weekend, we felt saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled! Now let’s get to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland! When Elder Holland made that hilarous remark about trying to hold Family Home Evening inspite of the bedlam in a house reigned by little "bedlamlites," he had us rolling (urban translation, rolling: laughing extremely hard). The word Bedlamites is definitely getting added to the Mormon dictionary, right next to Nephites and Lamanites.

Bedlamites will now be the beloved word used to reference rambunctious children; it will be the loving way Primary teachers refer to their unruly pupils. Sunbeams and Bedlamites will probably now be interchangeable. We can see the t-shirts that Desert Book will start selling; “My Bedlamite is cuter than your Bedlamite,” “Lions and Tigers and Bedlamites, Oh My!” “Todays’ Bedlamite’s are tomorrow’s Stripling Warriors.”

Now, when we looked up bedlamite on Dictionary.com, (we were checking to see if the Church had copyrighted it yet, LDS folk get things done quick, fast and in a hurry) it said, and we quote “Bedlamite: an insane person; lunatic.” Yup, Elder Holland just politely called ya kids crazy!

Is there anyone out there who knows the art of politely telling it like it is better than the Mormons do? If you aren’t LDS and a young man was to tell you that you’re daughter has a sweet spirit, you would probably be so flattered. Well don’t be, cause that means that boy thinks her personality is nice and all, but he’s not really feelin' her in the looks department. I know you can’t believe it, but that is what that sugar-coated comment actually means.

ESPN writer, Rick Reilly recently wrote an article about Jimmer Fredette that some Mormons were upset about, this is what Rick had to say about the hate mail: “The best hate mail in America comes from BYU fans. Even when they're spitting 20-penny nails, they're still incurably nice. Alabama fans will write hoping you die a slow, painful death, staked to an anthill while your mom watches, but the worst a BYU fan will say to you is that you're not going to heaven.”

That’s how we roll. We LDS like to L-D-S (Let’em Down Sensitively). Rick Reilly, take a lesson from the Mormons next time you’re talking about Jimmer’s fans say something like, "I can’t believe all the Bedlam those BYU Bedlamites are causing", it may go over a little better. On the real, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk was excellent, you can catch it here. And just in case some of you still don’t believe us about the phrase “sweet spirit,” here’s the lyrics to the song “Sweet Spirit” by Sons of Provo.

God Bless,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

We Meet Again As Sistas and a Few Brothas

2011-01-05T11:28:00.014-07:00

Guess whos back? Back again, Sistas back, tell yo friends!!

We Meet Again As Sisters

pg. 311

1. We meet again as sisters, On this the Sabbath day, To worship God together, To testify and pray. Now may the Holy Spirit, Descending like a dove, Enlarge our minds with knowledge, And fill our hearts with love.

2. We meet to plan our service, To neighbors now in need. May charity and kindness, Inspire our ev’ry deed. And as we use our talents, For good and noble ends, May God be our companion, And angels be our friends.

3. We meet to sing together, The praises of our Lord, To seek our exaltation, According to his word. To ev’ry gospel blessing, The Lord has turned the key, That we, with heav’nly parents, May sing eternally.

We have missed you all so much!!!

Do you have any questions for the Sista's? What topics would you like to see us address?

Is Carlton Banks a Mormon?

2010-05-13T11:25:00.009-06:00

He's best known as Carlton Banks from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, he worked with Michael Jackson, and although he isn't Mormon he can sing and dance like one! Check out this vintage Mormon commercial starring Alfonso Ribeiro

Peace & Love,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Proverbs or Proverb?

2010-05-06T08:00:00.004-06:00

I come from one of those families where scripture is used to scare you straight. I used to wonder how parents ever expected kids to like reading the scriptures if they were always associated with punishment. I mean, no wonder my siblings and I didn't want to wake up for early morning scripture study. Go stand in the corner, Go sit in the corner, Go kneel in the corner, Go to your room (ok, so I was a bit of a trouble maker, but that's not the point) and take your scriptures with you.

*Side note: I don't know how I ended up loving to read, but it's one of my favorite things to do, even though I had to do it when I was in trouble at home. Even at school I had to read the dictionary for punishment...hmmm well I guess that explains my excellent vocabulary.

Anyway, there was one verse in the Bible that I couldn't stand when I was younger. I had never read it, but I had heard it quoted by numerous parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, teachers, and random old ladies watching me make mischief. It's one of the scariest scriptures known to children-kind, yes, that's the one. If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times: "the Bible says; spare the rod, spoil the child."

To me it seemed like every adult I knew, had this scripture memorized. I naturally assumed that while we children were being told to memorize the Articles of Faith in Primary, grown-ups we're being told to memorize "Spare the rod, spoil the child," in adult Sunday school. Even my school Principal had a big paddle nailed above his door. The Principal loved mallard ducks, he had wooden ducks on his desk and one Christmas my mother found fabric with mallards on it and she made him hand towels out of it. Well, even that giant wooden paddle above his door had a mallard duck in flight on it. I never wanted to be sent to his office, because I figured that a paddle with a duck on it meant he liked paddling kids just as much as he liked ducks, and if that were the case...well, you get the picture.

After hearing this scripture for the thousandth time, I decided to do a little research. The first thing I did was search high and low for the scripture, and after searching every Bible nook and cranny, I couldn't find it anywhere! I did however find this:

Proverbs 10:13 In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found: but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Proverbs 23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Proverbs 26:3 A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool’s back.

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Yikes! I had a million questions. Who was this Mr. Proverbs? What had I ever done to him? Why doesn't he like children and what could I do about getting his advice removed from the Holy Bible? It took some time, but I finally I found out that the book of Proverbs was actually written by King Solomon. Well you must know how I felt about dear old King Solomon. Turns out that King Solomon was well known for his wisdom, and while I had to admit that with 700 wives and 300 concubines he probably did know a thing or two about raising children, I still wasn't happy about his scary scripture verses. Then another thing happened, I learned the definition of the word proverb (probably while I was in a corner at school reading the dictionary). A proverb is a short, popular, wise or profound saying. So get this, around the year 1662 a man by the name of Samuel Butler had a poem published that had some lines in it that went a little something like this:

Love is a Boy, by Poets styl'd,
Then Spare the Rod, and spill the Child.

Also written as:

Love is a Boy, by Poets styl'd,
Then Spare the Rod, and spoil the Child.

Apparently spill in this context means spoil. Well, well, well, didn’t I feel smug and what did you think I did with my new found knowledge the next time some grown-up said “Spare the rod and spoil the child” to me…. that’s right brothas and sistas…. I did absolutely nothing! Why, you ask? Well, do I look crazy to you? I just sat in the corner with my Bible thinking, ain’t that a shame, grown folks don’t even know the difference between a proverb and the book of Proverbs…. um, um, um…so sad, think they quotin Bible, but they quotin Butler!

Hallelujah Holla Back,
Sista Laurel

I Wonder if Heaven Got a Ghetto?

2010-04-27T13:30:00.001-06:00

I was visiting with a few of my girls the other day, and one of our sistas who isn't LDS commented that she appreciated the VIP Heaven that we LDS folk have, you know the three Heavens, she said, because I just don’t think I want to be in the same Heaven as my Mother. (I've probably had that thought a few times myself.)

While engaged in this conversation, another sista bore her testimony about the three degrees of glory.

Renee Ebony Miller: When I was a child, Tupac had a popular song out where he asked the question, “Does Heaven have a Ghetto?” That struck a cord with me in my childhood, so much so, that I asked my Mother the very same question. She explained that her belief was that, in Heaven the Lord would want us to be comfortable, and because paradise was different to every person, it was entirely possible that Heaven did have a Ghetto. My mother and I always thought that this was something we would have to wait until we got Heaven to find out. So, when at the age of 14, I started taking the missionary discussions and Sister Butterworth told me about the three degrees of glory, the Celestial, the Terrestrial, and the Telestial Kingdoms. I knew the church had to be true, because Heaven had a Ghetto. It was also interesting to know that the Lord would answer a childhood question of mine. Plus in VIP Heaven (Celestial) you can go visit people in the other degrees of Heaven, but they can't come visit you! For example, my family in South Central can't come visit me in Beverly Hills, but I can go visit them in South Central. Yes, Heaven got a Ghetto/Trailer Park.

Of course our non-LDS sista was now even more curious so we broke it down for her.

Telestial Kingdom: This is the place for those who don't know how to follow the rules. If you don't know how to abide by the law, you might end up in the Telestial Kingdom. In the Telestial Kingdom you are stationary. It’s not prison, but a similar concept. You can make collect calls to your friends and family in the higher Kingdoms, you can beg for a visit, and they’ll come if they want to. No passing contraband from the other Kingdoms to the people in the Telestial Kingdom. It’s nothing like the Penitentiary (not that I know what that’s like), It’s nicer, more like where Martha Stewart went. You don’t have to visit through the glass, no one is going to shank you, and you don’t have to worry about your celly snitching on you. While it’s not quite lock down, it’s not all roses though, because you don’t get to leave. No outside visits, no leaving your Kingdom.

Terrestrial Kingdom: This is like a "middle class neighborhood". In this neighborhood, there are people who are good, kind, and who actually tried to live a decent life. They tried to do right, and still recognized that Christ was the Savior, yet didn't develop a personal relationship with God the Father. Now this place is much nicer than the Telestial Kingdom. You’re not rolling in a Lexus, but you do get a bus pass. There’s nothing wrong with public transportation, shoot, a bus pass is a privilege, cause that means you get to travel! You can visit all your friends in the Telestial Kingdom, however, that’s it though, cause your line doesn’t run up town.

Celestial Kingdom: Now this is what Brigham Young was talking about! This is the place! This is an all access pass. This is the Kingdom that you inherit if you have lived up to all the covenants that have been required of you In this neighborhood, you really do get to leave your doors unlocked and everything is fine. If your address is 2438 North Celestial Boulevard, then you have arrived. The best part about living in this neighborhood is that the "Stationary" and "Bus Pass" friends and family can't just stop in and case your house. No one can try to make you feel bad because you have nicer things than they do They have to call and invite you to visit them... and you got the free agency to say we’re not available. Now what I hope is that we have caller I.D. in the Celestial Kingdom, for just in case we don't feel like answering the phone.

But then we had to drop the BOMB…the Celestial Kingdom has a VVIP! So if you should be one of those who has earned a mansion in the Celestial Kingdom, don't be shocked if you look around one day and find there is an area that is sectioned off, with Porter Rockwell guarding all of "us" VVIP folk. Please don't think I can get you in, chances are I barley got in myself. However I will tell Jesus, Joseph Smith, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, my Mama and my Daddy that you said hello.

Peace & Love,
Sista Beehive

Before There Was Glee

2010-03-03T12:53:00.008-07:00

Way before the TV show Glee was even a twinkle in it's creator's eye, Mormon children were breaking into song during school! Are Mormons trendsetters?

Acting Mormon

2010-02-25T11:57:00.001-07:00

A couple of years ago Kirby Heyborne , an LDS actor known for his work in LDS films such as The R.M, Singles Ward and The Best Two Years, did a beer commercial for Miller Lite. He received some backlash from the LDS community for appearing in the ad. Some called him a “sell out” others questioned his “personal ethics and faith.”

In response to the scrutiny, Heyborne said this in an interview with Deseret News’ Mormon Times: "I'm a temple-worthy member that loves his wife and kids, and fulfills his calling at church and does his home teaching. And yet I'm going to play characters that might have moral dilemmas, or do a commercial -- or whatever it is --because my job is the way that I provide for my family." Heyborne also released this parody:

Recently a group of 12 LDS women posed for the Hot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood calendar. Though Chad Hardy, the calendars creator says that his calendar was “created as a vehicle to create dialog and deliberately debunk the subservient stereotypes of women's roles within the Mormon Church,” criticizers called it immodest, sleazy and even pornographic.

Calendar cover girl and mother of three daughters, Tami Roberts, in an Idaho Falls, Local News 8 interview said, "I don't see what the big deal is. I think it's kind of campy and fun.”

Hot topics such as these remind me of when I was younger, having lived in an area that was predominantly non-Mormon, I was often told by my parents that I needed to set a “good example.” What exactly did they mean by that? Well, I was told because I was the one of the few members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that many of my friends and family members knew, I should act in a way that showed others that I was a follower of Christ. As a Latter-day Saint I am always quite conscious of the eyes that may be upon me. I cringe at even the thought of the instances when I have behaved poorly, and a witness to my un-Christ-likeness finds out that I am Christian and LDS.

As a kid it’s hard to be a good example all the time, and as an adult it is even more complex. Children are following their parent’s rules, but as an adult there is no one that says to us, “Because I said so.” Religious leaders, politicians, actors, models, celebrities and all other public figures are scrutinized more so, because they are in the public eye. The whole world is often privy to their words and their actions. Is our scrutiny fair?

Are there exceptions? Would the LDS community have felt differently if Kirby Heyborne had portrayed a beer-drinking investigator of the LDS church or drunk King Laban of the Book of Mormon? Can "Hot Mormon Muffins” of today still be effective Young Women Leaders of tomorrow?

Mosiah 29:12: Now it is better that a man should be judged of God than of man, for the judgments of God are always just, but the judgments of man are not always just. It is not my desire to be an unjust judge; you know what the Bible says, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” (Did you hear that…all the rocks just fell out of my hand?)

This is what I have come to realize, however unfair it may seem, my personal actions can and often do have an affect on how others view my faith.

Sidenote: I thought about auditioning for next years “Hot Mormon Muffins” calendar (not really), but then they would have to call it Warm Mormon Muffin-Tops (really)!

An imperfect follower of Christ,
Sista Laurel

Woe is Me

2010-02-17T13:00:00.005-07:00

Do you know Job? Have you ever been so consumed with your problems and personal concerns that it seemed there was no immediate relief in sight? Well, these past few months I have been going through some growing pains, which I have spent more time laboring over and stressed about then I care to admit. I'm usually a pretty faithful and positive person. However when I'm going through those dark alleys of life, I can get a little paranoid and crazy. I was feeling judged and misunderstood by people I trusted. Family relationships that I thought were secure were being altered due to exaggerated stories and some out right lies. I had almost reached that point of insanity where I begin asking myself if God had turned on me, I wondered if He was out to get me. I was feeling a little like Job. I know it's a bit of an exaggeration (yes, it must run in the family).

No, I didn't have seven thousand sheep burned because fire fell from Heaven. The Chaldeans didn't fall upon my three thousand camels. I don't even know what a Sabean looks like, so they sure didn't touch my asses or my oxen. I can't even imagine nor do I want to think about losing my entire family in a tornado or anything else. Nevertheless I was feeling like I was experiencing one trial after another with no safe haven or form of protection. While I was traveling down this road of self pity, feeling sorry for myself, I did what most of us were taught to do, I searched the scriptures for answers.

Why, why, why did I do that? Have you ever read Job? OMG'ness, Job had it all! He was referred to as a just and perfect man. He was blessed with great riches, and was respected by everyone in the community.
God loved Job, He trusted Job, He knew Job. Now this is where the story takes on a unique shape. All this was taking place during a time when the sons of God would go and present themselves to God our Heavenly Father; you know I was a little shocked to read that Satan was among them. Yep, when the sons of God presented themselves Satan (our brother) was among them. Side note: Satan had a personal relationship with God even after he got the boot!! The thought of this was so deep, I have a whole blog dedicated to the topic. To make a long story short, Satan was given the green light to tempt and to try Job. He could touch all that Job had, yet he wasn't to touch Job.

Job was a man who faced some terrible and depressing situations. His children were killed. His servants were killed. His livestock destroyed. All of this happened in one day. A messenger went to Job to tell him that the Sabeans took away the oxen and asses and killed all of his servants except the one delivering the message. While the servant was delivering the message, another servant came, to tell Job, that all of his sheep were burned. While he was still speaking another servant came with a message that the Chaldeans took all of Jobs camel and had killed his servants. As if that weren't enough, Job received another message that must have been devastating. Job was informed that there had been a tornado and everyone was killed -- the servants, all of his children (7 sons and 3 daughters), there was one surviver - a servant the one delivering the message. Job's response to the events that had happened that day was:

Job 1: 21: Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." With everything that Job endured, he blessed the name of the Lord.

As for my situation ... Yes! I did feel "salty" and ungrateful among other things. Just when I was ready to stop feeling sorry for myself, I allowed Satan access. But that was then. I'm going through my own trauma, not as severe; nonetheless, no less traumatic. I'm entitled to my feelings! Right? If you said Amen to that, you need to run to the nearest priesthood leader, pastor, reverend, somebody, anybody (more righteous then you) and get a good long blessing.

Some of us would think that would have been it. God won (of course) Satan lost, the end. However, Satan wasn't done with our brotha Job. Not wanting to admit he had lost, Satan again went with the sons of God to present himself (still I'm shocked). The Lord's response was: Job 2:3-6

3: "And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and bescheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause."
4: "And Satan answered the Lord, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life."
5: "But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face."
6: "And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life."

What? Did the Lord really just give Satan permission to do whatever to Job, except kill him? I'm so happy this wasn't a movie! I would have been that annoying person talking back to the movie screen. Unbelievable! Why Lord, I really hope the Lord don't have that kind of faith in me.
Job was then struck with painful boils on his entire body. He said his brothas and friends were estranged from him. Family and friends had forgotten him. His servants wouldn't answer his calls. Children even despised him and talked about him. His breath was strange to his wife (I know what you are thinking, and I'm gonna pray for y'all ). Talk about a fall from grace. Job had lost everything and I’m sure he was tempted to completely give up and turn his back on God. His wife even told him to just curse God and die because he was in such a pitiful state. But Job didn’t do that. While he did go through a time of complaining and questioning, he never gave up on God. Wow, what to say? My life ain't so bad, actually my life is good and I am blessed. Even in his moments of self pity, he didn't really complain. I wish I could pretend that I wouldn't have been in a full on windmilling (you remember those fights you and your little sistas and brothas used to have back in the day) kind of fight -- with the Lord. I'm not even going to tempt the Lord and ask for the type of faith that Job had ... because that Brothas and Sistas would mean that I would have to go through something similar to what Job went through.

I know that we all go through life's storms. I know that we are having the experiences that we are supposed to have. Who didn't want to be Job prior to him going through his version of the garden of Gethsemane? Who would have traded places with him when he was going through the refiner’s fire? Who stood with him during his moment of hell? We all want to have what Job had, yet we wouldn't have wanted to go through what Job went through.

Yes, I'm clear! I'm not going through anything remotely close to what Job went through. I know that I was having a moment, now, it's over. My Sistas and friends stood with me during my trials (I probably shouldn't even call what I've experienced a trial or test). I know that I am loved! I know that God is real! I know that my relationship with Him is real! And, I know that He knows me. He knows me!! I know me. He knows me because I'm having the type of experiences that I can live with, and not those of Job. I know that He loves me because in my moment of insanity I was reminded that He had provided for me an umbrella, a shelter from the storm, Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. Part of Jesus' atoning love and sacrifice was that during moments of loneliness and hopelessness we would remember to turn to him. There aren't any quick fixes, but through him all things can be restored beyond what even we can imagine.

Your Sista in the Gospel,
Sista Beehive

Mahana You Ugly!

2010-01-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

"Mahana You Ugly!" The first time someone said that to me, I was not laughing. In fact, I was preparing to open up a can of whoop-fast. Luckily just before his face hit the pavement, someone mentioned something about a movie (assault charge averted). The first time someone called me an 8-cow woman, they had 8 seconds to explain to me why they had just called me a heifer. Something was said about "Johnny Lingo" and I think they took off running. About 5 years ago I finally saw the movie Johnny Lingo, and that person had it twisted, I am a million-cow woman! For all of you who learned the hard way that not everyone has seen this movie, I feel for you. For those of you out there who have never seen this movie, please know that if you ever find yourself trying to figure out if a Mormon has just referred to you as an ugly cow, they may have actually been trying to give you a compliment.

Johnny Lingo is a 1969 LDS film. In Johnny Lingo, Mahana is a young woman who is constantly told she is ugly, she believes she is ugly and she appears to be ugly. Once her suitor is willing to pay an unprecedented 8 cows for her to become his bride, she becomes beautiful in appearance.

The argument has been made that the story of Johnny Lingo focuses on physical beauty and the idea that a woman can only see herself as a beautiful woman once a man finds her attractive. I often think of self-worth as something that you define for yourself, people shouldn’t need to tell you that you’re amazing, you should already know and believe that you are. However, as I contemplate the story of Johnny Lingo, I actually find a message of power. The power we have to change attitudes, responses, how others feel about us, and yes, how others may feel about themselves.

One school year my Mother had the ludicrous idea to send us to our non-uniform wearing public school in uniforms. She sewed us 4 hideous uniforms. One for each day of the week and then we could repeat one on Fridays. Most of the Uniforms were skirts, which we wore knickers under so we could go to P.E. and not have to the change. (If you don’t know what knickers are don’t feel bad, I think only my family and pioneers do.) The collection wasn’t even cohesive (I've been watching too much Project Runway). There was a pink and black polka-dotted skirt, which was just a poodle shy of needing saddle shoes to go with it. I don’t know what "General Store" my Mother found the fabric for the other uniforms in, but if you ever catch a rerun of Little House on the Prairie, you’ll see Laura Ingalls Wilder wearing the jumper-dress she sewed us. Oh, and yes, of course mine and my sister’s uniforms were matching, what’s that you ask, are we twins? Nope! My sister and I were seriously traumatized!

The first week of school our classmates just thought that we were shopping at the ugly store, but by the third week of school they began to see a pattern. I didn’t attend one of those schools where the other kids whispered and made fun of you behind your back. I attended the kind of school where kids just shouted at you from across a crowded lunchroom, “Girl, why you wearing the same ooglay (worse than ugly, so ugly it’s ooglay) outfit every day.” Although I felt like someone should report my Mother to Child Protective Services, I had made up my mind that I was going to own those ooglay uniforms. “Why you wearing that same ooglay face every day,” I replied. I wasn't being mean, that’s just how you nip it in the bud where I come from.

I told my friends that I was wearing uniforms this year because I didn’t want to take the time to pick out something new every day. Plus, I got way more sleep since I didn’t need to wake up and pick something to wear. “It was my idea but, you know the lil’ Sis has to copy everything I do. Told my Mom not to make us the same uniforms, but the lil’ Sis was buggin, so I was like, it’s cool.” Of course my BFF knew what was up and she had my back. She’d say, “Girl that skirt is bomb, where’d you buy that, I need to get me one.” I would say, “Thanks girl, my Mama made it, it’s an original, you can’t just get this off the rack.” She bought a plaid skirt and she would wear hers to school. Of course hers was name brand, short and cute, but I really appreciated it.

So although I still can’t believe my Mother did that to me, the school year didn’t turn out to be a complete disaster because I realized that I GOT THE POWER! So the next time you’re in a situation where you can effect positive change in your attitude, the attitude of others, how someone else perceives themself or how others perceive you, do it, cause YOU GOT THE POWER!

For those of you who have never seen Johnny Lingo, here you go!

God is Love,
Sista Laurel

Let Us Remember and Not Forget

2010-01-18T11:02:00.012-07:00

Let us remember and not forget that there are many who walked an uncomfortable path so that we could walk a more comfortable one. We are grateful for all of the people who made sacrifices so that we could have the freedoms that we have. It is our hope that you will enjoy our post today. Remember to honor those that made great sacrifice, especially those that sacrificed with their lives. Remember the Church Leaders are doing all that they know to do serve the needs of all our the Brothas and Sistas, around world. As Service is an important part of all faiths and religions especially in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Let us not forget that today is "Not a day off but a day on". A wonderful site is Acts of love 365.

President Gordon B. Hinckley on Racial Intolerance

Alex Boye Wants Jesus to Walk With Him - Part 2

2010-01-16T09:00:00.005-07:00

Read Part 1
I’m thinking, there's only two reasons an Apostle calls someone....

to make them an Apostle or to kick them out of the Church. Which one do you think I thought? Elder Ballard says, I want you to come on assignment with me. I want you to be the singer and I want you to sing three songs. Do you have a pen and a paper? Yes Sir, I say as I’m scrambling to get a pen and paper. Elder Ballard says, first song, There is a Green Hill Far Away, do you know it? Yes Sir. Second song, I Know That My Redeemer Lives, do you know it? Yes Sir. Third song, I Walked Today Where Jesus Walked, do you know it? Yes Sir. I lied. I had never heard the third song before. As soon as I hung up with him I start searching everywhere, I’m all over Google, I finally found it on Youtube.

So I went on assignment with Elder Ballard and I had to get up to sing three times. I get up to sing the first song, and the Spirit just thrashes. Second song, I’m just thrashed. Third song, I get up and the Spirit just thrashes me again and finally it hit me, there was my answer. Those were the three songs I needed to finish the hymns album. So I went in and recorded the three songs, finish the album, and I get a call from Deseret Book. We want you to do a hymns album. I’m just like SHUT UP! I just recorded one I say. Be Still, My Soul: Classic Hymns and Folk Songs went to Deseret Book’s top 10 on the first day it was released. Months later it’s still there. It was such a testimony to me. I have had such a great response because of that album. Someone just wrote me on Facebook and said that her friend was going to commit suicide and heard one of the songs on the album and decided not to.

Sista Beehive asks, how is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir received by other religions and other Christian denominations? When the choir was going out to Oklahoma I was asked to go out some days before to do radio and TV spots. I went with Scott Barrick the choir’s General Manager. So we’re out there doing these promotions and the entire time I was thinking why did they ask me to do this? The questions were about the history of the choir and so on and you know there are so many people that could answer these questions better than me, I was just winging it.

So for one spot we had to split up, I had to go on my own and Scott Barrick was going elsewhere. I get dropped off at this radio station and I immediately realize it’s a black radio station. I start to get nervous. I’m thinking of course this where they leave me to go by myself, they just drove off and left me here. I’m just nervous and my head is spinning trying to think of all the controversial questions that they might ask me, Man I just knew they were gonna eat me up and spit me out. I was looking around like where are those Sistas in Zion when you need them.

So I walk in and sit in the reception area and I’m hearing Lil Wayne and Beyonce playing. Are you kidding me! This is where I’m gonna go and talk about the choir. It wasn’t even a Gospel station, straight up Hip Hop. I’m supposed to go in there and tell people to come to the choir. I start sweating, I didn’t know what to do, and I just start praying. I literally got on my knees in the reception area and I’m praying. The receptionist is just doing her nails or whatever and glaring at me. So, I can hear the radio personalities segment and they’re talking about things that get on their nerves and they are just all riled up. So one of the DJs comes out and he says, you the one that’s here with the choir? Yes Sir. You been in a radio station before? Yes Sir. Ok here’s the mic, come on and have a seat.

We get on air and the DJ says, what’s up I’m here with Alex Boye, tell me about the choir. So I nervously start to talk about the history of the choir and all of a sudden the DJ goes silent. There’s this long pause and then he says; I’ve been listening to that choir since I was seven years old. I remember the LPs, my Grandma use to listen to them. Then he starts praising the choir…on a Hip Hop station. The DJ says, let’s open up the lines. I said no, please don’t do that, come on guys. The first caller is on and he says, yeah, I wanna ask you something…I’m thinking here it goes…how can I get tickets for the concert? People are calling and asking great questions about the choir and the DJs are having a great time and they turn to me and they say, sing something. So I sing, I want Jesus to Walk With Me…in a Hip Hop station…brothas in the background saying Amen…in a Hip Hop station. I thought WOW!

I walked out of there, and you know what Sistas, I had to repent. I was called to be there. The Lord wanted me to be there. I had doubts, but those doubts were because of my limitations, what I thought I was going to get asked, and if I could do it because I was on my own. The Lord had my back, he sent me there for a reason. I was thinking of me, me, me.

Prior to us going to do the spots there was something like 75% of the tickets that still needed to be sold for that concert. I was there doing the promoting three days before the concert, the concert was sold out. One of the top ten experiences of my lifetime thus far. Oklahoma was incredible.

So tell us about this Sunday, says Sista Laurel. This Sunday, January 17, 2010, I will be a performing Negro Spirituals as a featured soloist with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for Music and the Spoken. I had the blessing of doing it last year, and they asked me to perform again this year. We thank Alex for taking time out of his busy schedule to chat with us. He hangs up… Girl, please remind me not to stand next to that man in a lightning storm? Why? If Santa Claus knows when you’re asleep or awake, you know Elder Ballard knows Alex fibbed about knowing that song!

Music and the Spoken Word, Sunday, January 17, 2010. To find out more about how you can attend, watch, or listen to this broadcast visit: http://www.mormontabernaclechoir.org/info/matsw.

To Learn more about Alex Boye visit: http://www.alexboye.com/ or http://www.facebook.com/alexboye.music

Your Sistas in the Gospel,
Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel

Alex Boye Wants Jesus to Walk With Him - Part 1

2010-01-14T12:52:00.034-07:00

Are you there? Yes, I’m here. The phone begins to ring. Hi Alex, It’s Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel. What’s up, how are you, he says. Wait a minute Sistas, he says in that smooth British accent, just let me turn down the M.J. I got blastin. He’s in the car; no doubt on his way to a meeting or a rehearsal, Alex Boye is a busy man! The three of us casually chat for a few minutes and do some catching up.

So Alex how long have you been with Motab (Mormon Tabernacle Choir), Sista Beehive asks. Three years now, I did the auditions and they asked me to report on January 6th. They said there are only two reasons you shouldn’t be there: either you're dead or on your honeymoon. I was neither so I showed up. That’s where I did the orientation of the choir school. You can’t miss it, if you do, you’re done, it’s over. So I did that, then it’s the exam, I was admitted into the choir and off to choir school. Choir school is about three months long. Man, it was hard-core, intense, but a good experience for me. It’s three nights a week, something like 12 hours a week. Choir school is where you are prepared to be in the choir. There’s one starting now, with about seventy-five new members.

What did you do before the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Sista Laurel asks. Hustle around trying to get girls, just being an idiot, you don't want to know! Oh really, we say, he has us intrigued. So can you share a pick up line you used to use back in the day? He does…it’s bad. We’re not gonna do a Brotha like that and tell you what it was…furthermore we suggest he stop telling people he ever said it. Fortunately, someone was nice enough not to hold it against him. We know his wife; she’s great. Sista Beehive for some reason suggests that he start a dating school. Sista Laurel knows that he would have to issue everyone refunds.

I was watching the video of you singing Rocka My Soul, says Sista Beehive. I could have sworn I saw you poppin and trying to break it down. Alex is laughing hysterically. Some one once bet me that I couldn’t moon walk across the Tabernacle stage he says. We think he was trying to reverently take on that bet. But we’ll let you be the judge.

I saw a couple of choir members getting into it and bobbing a little says Sista Laurel. You know they like to move, he says. Any time we sing a spiritual or anything a little more ruckus, the other members always say to me, it makes us want to move. I think the choir is trying to appeal to a larger audience, a younger and bigger market. One of the managers said to me that they want to sell millions of records, they don’t want to just sell thousands. Speaking of the choir’s appeal, how does Motab fare with the Grammys, asks Sista Laurel. I know they have a Grammy, she says, how many?

Just the one he says, in 1959 for Battle Hymn of the Republic. We are shocked. Does the choir submit all their albums for nomination we ask? Yes they do he says. They actually submitted I Want Jesus to Walk with Me, which was one of the songs I did with the choir. That was heart warming to me. It was evident that they do want to appeal to a larger audience, of all the songs they could submit they sent a Negro Spiritual. We didn’t win anything for it, but it really meant something to me even though nothing happened.

Tell us some of your experiences traveling with the choir, Sista Beehive asks. You know there are people who come twenty to thirty miles with their families, some half-broke just to see the choir. There was a family who did that and then they drove to the next place we were performing. Many people do it. The choir’s response outside the State of Utah is very different, people turn up, and the closest they can get to the choir they will drive or fly to get there.

When I was a little older than sixteen I saw them in England. I only went because someone hooked me up with a ticket. I just didn’t think that me a kid who listened to Hip Hop and Motown would even connect with this music. Prior to seeing the choir my Bishop and everybody at church had been asking, Alex, are you going to go on a mission? I just couldn’t say yes to them, I had one foot in that world and one foot in the secular world. Well anyways, I went to the concert. And it changed me, I felt the spirit so strong, and I knew I was going on a mission. That’s why I tell people, don’t sweat, you’ll feel the spirit. It truly is the Lord’s choir. I’ve had the Spirit testify of that on many, many occasions. That’s why I’m still here. I have ADHD, I don’t stick to things for too long. Even my Mother says, Alex it has been three years and you are still in the choir. That’s a great testimony, says Sista Beehive, especially for those who say Mormons don’t musically sound like us, it lets them know that the spirit can still speak to you even through the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Who is in charge of teaching Motab rhythm and how to clap, asks Sista Laurel. No one he says laughing, it’s a free for all. Some get it and some don’t. So tell us, what is happening with your solo career, Sista Laurel says. Well, I like the way Sister Gladys Knight said it, “I want to bring a little more chocolate to the vanilla.” As members of the Church we deserve to have every style. If you go to an ice cream store you would be mad if you go in and they only serve one flavor. You would say I’m going to Baskin Robins where they have pistachio and rocky road, bubble gum, all that. We do deserve variety, that’s what I look forward to. I want to be a part of that store. I just want there to be some of my flavor. I’m not saying that I’m the answer. You know when I realized that, that I wasn’t the answer and started trying to be a part of the team, I felt the spirit more in my music and people felt the spirit more through my music.

Anyways, I love that Motown flavor Smokey Robinson and the Temptations, Motown that’s where I developed a love for music. So I did a Motown album, my original songs, just with that style and feel to it. Cause I get sick of the stuff that’s out there today. I wanted to do some good solid music, but the strangest thing happened to me when I was working on this album. I had a really strong impression to do a hymns album, I wasn't interested and I kept fighting the feeling. I thought I don’t want to do that, nobody has asked me to. I was doing the Motown album and I kept getting a feeling of guilt, so I finally went to the studio and chose some hymns. I had eight songs and I needed three more and I couldn’t think of what songs to do. I was just stuck there. I get a phone call from Elder Ballard. His secretary says, he wants to speak to you. I’m thinking, there's only two reasons an Apostle calls someone.... (to be continued) READ PART 2 HERE

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir will be singing Negro Spirituals during Music and the Spoken Word on Sunday, January 17, 2010. To find out more about how you can attend or listen to this broadcast visit: http://www.mormontabernaclechoir.org/info/matsw.

To Learn more about Alex Boye visit: http://www.alexboye.com/ or http://www.facebook.com/alexboye.music

Your Sistas in the Gospel,

Sista Beehive and Sista Laurel

Happy New Year Brothas & Sistas

2010-01-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy with holiday cheer

The Sistas are excited for the up coming year

Looking forward to church 'cause our wards are so swell

The holidays brought us new stories to tell

Our resoulation is to travel to many new places

We want to meet Mormon and NonMormon faces

We will visit your ward with our eyes open wide

So don't think you can trick us or shamefully hide

Don't try to be proper, no need to be priss

We're just writing our truths it's as simple as this

When you see us at church don't act in a fog

Because you're Afraid to be a topic

on our fun-lovin blog!

So here's to a New Year of God's truth and no lyin

Your Sistas in the Gospel, As Sistas in Zion

I Am Unashamed

2009-11-19T11:13:00.012-07:00

November 15, 2009 4:09 PM - Anonymous said: "How can you be black and be such a supporting member of an organization that was officially racist until 1978? And still teaches to this day that the Curse of Cain is manifest in black people? Shame on you."

Sista Laurel's response:
We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

Above is the 11th Article of Faith of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The line in that sentence that stood out to me the most as I pondered and prayed on this question was: “according to the dictates of our own conscience.”

Dic-tate [v. dik-teyt, dik-teyt; n. dik-teyt] verb, -tat-ed, -tat-ing, noun
6. a guiding or governing principle, requirement, etc.: to follow the dictates of one's conscience.

Con-science [kon-shuh ns] –noun
1. the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action: to follow the dictates of conscience.
2. the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.

"How can you be black and be such a supporting member of an organization that was officially racist until 1978? And still teaches to this day that the Curse of Cain is manifest in black people? Shame on you."

I know that I am a child of God. A loving Heavenly Father provided a Savior for me, Jesus Christ. I have gained this testimony through experiences both spiritual and temporal. I strive to live a Christ-like life, but I am imperfect. I have fallen short, I do fall short, I will fall short. I am thankful for the knowledge that Jesus Christ died for my sins, so that I have the opportunity to stand again each time I fall. My testimony, this knowledge, and this goal have all contributed in my decision to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I have always thought of spirituality and faith as being personal. This thought process has helped me to develop a personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ. Also, I find that my faith is not sedentary. With each passing day it can grow and it can waiver and in both instances I rely heavily on these personal relationships. If at any time I have questions regarding religion, my faith, spirituality, membership in the church to which I belong, etc., I have always consulted with the Lord through prayer and have always received answers to my prayers.

Through my testimony in prayer and according to the dictates of my own conscience I am an unashamed member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Sista Laurel

Sista Beehive's response:
Pastor Rick Warren, was asked the question, " Do all religions lead to God"? His response was, "Think about the logic of this. Can I go into a phone booth and dial any phone number and get home? No, there’s only one number that’ll get me home. I could be sincere, but I could be sincerely wrong. The truth is, all roads don’t lead to Rome and all roads and all religions don’t lead to God".

In following that same thought pattern the scriptures teach in John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

While it is not my responsibility to try to explain away the painful, yet historic teachings of past church practices (not only in the LDS Church). Nor is it my intention to defend the crippeling history of our "free" country, a place that we all call home. Jesus is the way, Jesus, my elder brother, the only one who could, atoned and sacrificed for me, he alone is the truth and the light.

I am grateful for parents who taught me to recognize and yield to the teachings of the Holy Ghost. I'm grateful that I was blessed with a strong Pentacostal family that encouraged me to develop a personal relationship with the Lord, so that when the time came in my life where I would need to testify of the truthfullness of the Holy Ghost I would be able to do so in my own words. So that when the day came for me to become a soilder in God's army, I would be armed with a truth that I was willing to stand on and if needs be die for. I have found that truth in the church that I've choosen to embrace.

I have a personal relationship with my Father in heaven who loves me and has been merciful to me. It is ultimately because of this love that I feel "No Shame"!! for my choice in worshiping the Lord my God, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I make no apologies to my anonymous Brotha/Sista for being a member of the LDS church. Just as I make no apologies to any of the Brothas/Sistas of the LDS faith for the race, or lineage that I was born into.

Jesus atoned for me! He suffered and died! It is because of his love for me that eternal life and not death is possible. In closing, I feel that it's approiate for us all to be reminded: "Love thy neighbor" is not a cliché; it is a commandment from God. In Matthew 22:37–39, Jesus emphasized the importance of loving the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind and loving your neighbor as yourself. He said, all the other commandments, all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments (v. 40).

Sista Beehive

Shame On You!!

2009-11-17T11:18:00.008-07:00

Anonymous - November 15, 2009 4:09 PM

How can you be black and be such a supporting member of an organization that was officially racist until 1978? And still teaches to this day that the Curse of Cain is manifest in black people?

Shame on you.

We know that this isn't typically done, and if this post makes any of our readers feel uncomfortable we apologize.

Many of our Brothas and Sistas get this question regularly, this is our post for today, we wanted you - our readers, Sistas and Brothas to share with us your response. It was originally posted in the comments section of "It's Not My Turn To Pray". We responded, but felt that we needed to address this issue in a direct, yet sensitive manner.

We'd like to hear your response, to our "Anonymous Brotha/Sista". As we will prayerfully try to articulate our individual feelings and why we feel the way we do about our membership in the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. We will post our individual feelings/testimonies tomorrow. Thank You

Be Blessed!

Sistas Beehive & Laurel

Joy Comes In The Morning

2009-11-15T16:30:00.003-07:00

I woke up this morning after having a wonderful dream. I dreamed about my parents, Susie Mae and Arthur Lee. Although Susie and Arthur are my grandparents, they are the ones that raised me. I'm usually referring to Susie and Arthur when I'm talking about my parents. Susie and Arthur have both passed away and I miss them, especially during this time of year.

I don't dream of them very often so when I do it's always bitter sweet. I often wonder if I'm doing things that are pleasing to them and that bring honor to our family name. Most of time I feel that I am, especially at this time in my life, however, memories although funny now are somewhat painful. It wasn't very often that both parents were disappointed in me. Nevertheless there were occasions that I know that both parents were, even though they were never able to express their disappointment. One occasion was shortly after my father passed away, and my mother had just gotten out of the hospital, after suffering a debilitating stroke 6 months earlier.

I'm sure that these feeling aren't unique to me alone. I do know that I will see them again, at that time in my life, I'm hopeful that the reunion of our family will overshadow my moment of stupidity. If in this life we could have do overs, I would use one of my several to re-do Arthur's and Susie's funerals.

Arthur's funeral came during a difficult time in my life. The Bishop of my parents ward at that time stopped by our home with the Missionaries. I had flown in from Utah, and arrived at my parents home shortly after the Bishop and Missionaries. A few months prior to my dad's funeral there had been a family feud, and I wasn't and hadn't spoken to most of my family. Many of them didn't know that I had moved to Utah and they most certainly didn't know that I was expecting my first child.

All were excited to see me and willing to let bygones be bygones. I on the other hand refused to let things go. As my family members approached me with their hand extended toward my stomach I would quickly divert their hands away from my basketball shaped stomach. I would not allow the usual playful belly rub, touch, and nobody was talking to the baby that was still leasing space in my stomach. I didn't want anyone that I didn't like at the time (which was probably 90% of the people in the house at that time) to say or do anything pertaining to me and my unborn child.

Most people would have stopped right there, not me. I had to express right there in front of the Bishop, Missionaries and my Mom, my dislike for whom ever I didn't like at that time. Talk about putting family business in the streets, it was out there. It was horrible! My mind was telling my mouth to stop, shut-up! Not only was my mouth not listening to my mind it went into cruise control! I couldn't stop, if eye contact was made, and we were at odds, it was on! There...business out there. My mom kept pleading with me to stop, and I really wanted to, I just couldn't. My mouth kept going.

Our Bishop and family friend was mortified! There was a look of fear on his face that I will never forget. Not fear for himself, fear for me, and how he was going to explain to my husband how and why I was beat to death. He tried to say something, I believe I told him that the only thing he could do was start blessing folks with his consecrated oil and if he wasn't going to do that then he needed to save his words. My mouth still wouldn't stop moving. I'm sure he wondered who I was and where Sista Beehive went, I wish I knew the answer to that unasked question myself.

"Where is Sista Beehive? I don't know, I don't know. Where is Sista Beehive? I don't know,"!
Mouth kept moving...The Missionaries, just kept staring at me. They didn't even know me. I know they thought I had lost my mind and I had lost it! I know that I should have cared but I didn't. By the time my mouth stopped, there were only five people in the room. Your guess is correct. One Bishop, two Missionaries, one Mother, and me. There wasn't even a trace of the Holy Ghost, shameful, just shameful! We all sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity!...Finally the Bishop said, "Well, it sounds to me like this home could use a prayer". Needless to say, not one family member spoke to me during the rest of my stay in Fresno (which was a whole two days), except my Mom. I'd love a do over please!

At Susie's funeral I was a totally different person (she passed away 4 years later). I was more helpful and I wasn't pregnant. (I would like to blame the outburst at Arthur's funeral on my impending situation... I said I'd like to say that, but I know better than that. I was bitter about more then a few things). At Susie's funeral, my guilt comes from not dressing her, which I'm sure she would have forgiven me. All I needed to do was take care of other responsibilities, her hair and make-up. Susie was always put together! She always looked sharp! If she didn't do her hair no one ever knew it 'cause always she had the finest wigs. She wouldn't go anywhere without having her nails and hair did. I couldn't even bring myself to do her hair and/or makeup. The person who did do my mom's hair and makeup (a family member), fixed Susie up the way she saw Susie through her eyes. Pink lip-stick, bright red finger nails, an red-auburn wig, shoulder length, and way too much makeup. I know that I'm in trouble the next time I see Susie!

The woman who fixed Susie's hair is Pentecostal (not that being Pentecostal is a bad thing), and they don't really do flashy. They don't really wear makeup, and if makeup is warn you can't tell it just by looking at them. I'm sure that to my Pentecostal family members we (everyone not Pentecostal) wear way too much makeup and probably do look over made. Anyway, I'd really like a do over for that one!!

I probably still wouldn't do it, but I would hire someone who could do an amazing job! I would also get her a different wig, one that's more brown than red, and a little shorter. Yes, I'd like a do over for 600, Alex.

Side note: Place in my will: Do not let a Pentecostal woman/man do my hair/makeup when I die. Unless they have already been pre~approved or they are currently (at the time) back sliding.

I don't want ya'll to think it's all about guilt and do overs. I do laugh when I think of those moments. I'm sure that's the gift that was left to me, because only God knows the sorrow I felt having lost them. Now instead of crying when I think of losing them, I can't help but laugh, I'm grateful for having their influence of love and laughter in my life. I'm happy that I have better relationships with those family members that I embarrassed, and that today we are able to laugh about my "uncontrollable mouth".

I know that there are several people who have anxiety when it comes to participating in family events especially during this time of year. Hopefully as you read my story and the story of some of our brothas and sistas comments you will be able to create a buffer for yourself and your immediate family. One of Susie's favorite songs was "Joy Comes In The Morning"! I do look forward to the morning that my family will be reunited! May joy and love for family help you usher in this holiday season.

Brothas and Sistas, tell us what you'd like a do over in and why?

Sista Beehive

It's Not My Turn To Pray

2009-11-12T10:58:00.003-07:00

While there are some people who fail to recognize the Lord's hand in our lives, other people seem to see his hand in everything that they do. I'm not talking about those people that stand up monthly and bear their testimony. You know the testimonies that make everyone feel uncomfortable, even the children; I'm talking about those people who have the faith of Brotha Job.

As I survey the lives of my families last four generations, as well as the families of my peers, it seems to me that the younger generations lack gratitude. While there are several reasons for the lack of gratitude in our lives and the lives of our youth, I attribute the main reason for lack of gratitude being we (parents) lack the ability to communicate to our children what we are grateful for and in turn what they are grateful for. Yes brothas and sistas, the nature of this story has taken a slight turn, just bare with me as I relay this short story that will tie into teaching gratitude.

Sometimes my parents had to flip the script in order for me to learn the lessons they tried to teach me. I think last night I would have received an A+ in "T Family Teachings 101".

Story: Last night I called my children down for family prayer. My two youngest girls ages 12 and 10 were being rambunctious, playful, but rambunctious with one another. Even though they both started off playful and teasing I knew they were a giggle away from a full on war. In trying to calm the two of them down I asked one of my daughters to lead us in family prayer. She groaned and said that she had said the prayer the night before and that it was someone else’s turn to say prayer.

Some parents would have apologized and differed the responsibility to say family prayer to a younger sibling.

Me: So you only expect the Lord to bless you a little?

Her: No, I just don't think I should have to say all the prayers in this house.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry, you must be the one that keeps telling Heavenly Father that he's blessed you way too much and it's time for him to pass those blessings on to someone else. I understand you have expressed your gratitude for the family this week, so if we need you to pray for the family, we have to catch you in the morning or in the mid-day.

Her: Mom, your being dramatic... (smile). Yes, I want blessings.

Me: (Am I seeing a smile)? Oh, well is there something your trying to take care of? Are you not worthy to pray? Are you working on your issue? Or you just don't have anything to say to Heavenly Father? Are you and Heavenly Father in a fight?

Her: (Her and the rest of the family, full out laughter)... O.K. I'll say prayer.

I would just like to report that she said a full, healthy prayer. It was thoughtful and she expressed gratitude for our family and the blessings in our lives.

Back on track: If we are noticing a lack of gratitude in our lives and the lives of our children we need to focus on the basics. When was the last time you took public transportation? When was the last time (if ever) you went and ate at a homeless shelter, without doing service there? Just going there and exposing yourself and your children to those less fortunate, placing yourself on their level. When was the last time you said "No" to your child? Just "No", I'm not spending that kind of money or we simply can't afford that.

Being a parent I understand how difficult it is to say "No" to your child especially when so many other parents are saying yes. It's not our responsibility to provide our children with all the latest fashions and/or gadgets. We have become an entitled generation; it is this attitude that we are passing on to our children. Many of us want to have the same quality of life as we start our adult lives, that we had living with our parents. It's natural for parents to have a desire to help their children achieve success, however we might be keeping our children from learning the lesson of gratitude. Where entitlement exists, there is no room for gratitude. Where entitlement is, resentment is usually around the corner.

I know that I am one of the most blessed children of our Heavenly Father. As I look at my life and my family (even extended), I know that Heavenly Father has had a watchful eye on me and has placed Angels in my path. I'm especially grateful for parents that knew how to simply say "no", without giving me an excuse. I'm grateful for parents that taught me the value of life. I'm most grateful for the people in my life and their willingness to patiently teach me.

Sista Beehive

My First Communion

2009-11-10T13:46:00.007-07:00

One of the things that I am most grateful to my parents for is exposing me to many different religions and faiths. As a youngster, I took seriously the call for every member to be a missionary. I loved inviting my friends to church with me. Some of the friends that I invited to church didn’t regularly attend any church, but some of them did. One thing about LDS Primary is that it is a lot of fun, and some of my friends often wanted to forgo their church meetings and attend church with me for that reason. This didn’t often go over well with their parents, so my parents often suggested that each time they sent their child to church with us, my parents would send me to church with them the following Sunday. Or my friend and I would attend church at the LDS Church and also at the church my friend attended in the same Sunday, if time permitted. The latter often led to a really long Sunday, but I learned so much from it.

When I was turning 8 years old and was preparing to be baptized, I wanted one of my best friends to attend my baptism. She was also turning 8 and preparing for her First Communion in the Catholic Church. Our parents decided that she would attend church with me some Sundays - this way she could accompany me to Primary and learn about baptism and why I was doing it. In turn, I would attend the Catholic Church with her on some Sundays and also her religious classes so I could learn what communion was and why she was doing it. We had so much fun learning about each other's religions and even at the age of 7 we were able to recognize so many of the similarities in our faiths.

She was shopping for a beautiful white dress for her occasion, and my Mother was making me a beautiful one for mine. On her big day I felt so special to be included. I watched as she and all the other children, the boys in their suits and the girls in their white dresses and veils, walked down the aisle holding candles. I watched as she partook of the Sacrament for the very first time in her life, and I understood what she was doing and why it meant so much to her and her family. I had taken the Sacrament many times, but watching her do so and seeing all the preparation she had done to be able to partake of it helped to remind me of how important the Sacrament is. On the day of my baptism she attended and she understood what I was doing and why it meant so much to me and my family. The Sunday following my baptism, I tried very hard to think about the sacrifice Jesus Christ had made for me while I partook of the Sacrament, I couldn't remember the very first time I had taken the Sacrament, but I wanted to remember this one.

Thanks to each of our parents being tolerant of the other's religion and teaching us the same. There is a picture of she and I at age 8 in our white dresses, standing in the church parking lot with our arms around each other, the temple is behind us, I love that picture, we look so happy. Today my friend is still Catholic and I am still a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What I learn from my many religious experiences is that it isn’t always about conversion, sometimes it’s simply about trying to make each interaction with a person of another faith a positive one.

Do you often attend church services of faiths other than yours, why or why not? Do your children invite friends to church with them? Do your children attend church with their friends? Tell us about an experience you have had inviting a person of a different faith to church with you. Tell us of an experience you have had attending a church of a faith other than your own.

Sista Laurel

Warm Fuzzies vs. Cold Pricklies

2009-11-08T16:34:00.011-07:00

When my husband and I were living in the ward he attended as a child, he received a calling to teach Sunday school for the youth ages 12 and 13, a class that happened to be dominated by rowdy boys. After the Sacrament meeting in which his calling had been announced a Sister in the ward came up to me and told me that when she heard what my husband’s calling was she was overjoyed and knew that God was a just God. She had been a Primary President while he was a child, although he seemed to have turned out quite nicely, in his Primary of around 30 boys he had been an awful little instigator who had sometimes left her and his other teachers in tears. I may have imagined it, but I think I saw a slight smirk on her face as she asked me to wish him good luck.

Often when you find yourself in or teaching a Sunday school or Primary class dominated by boys, it can be a nightmare, but every once in a while you learn something you never would have expected. In class we were discussing service and the story which President Monson relayed during Conference of the Primary who had sent him a jar of warm fuzzies, with each warm fuzzy representing an act of service that a child had done for someone else. Of course the boys being boys had no interest in anything warm or fuzzy and one boy said what if instead of warm fuzzies he got a jar of cold pricklies. Other than the desire to send President Monson a jar of cold pricklies, I actually found the remark to be quite clever and began to think about what a cold prickly might look like. I did what every person with a church inspired question does, I searched…Google. To my surprise when I typed in warm fuzzies, cold pricklies also came up. I don’t know if the boy had heard this before and was referring to it, but his smart aleck response led me to this great story.

"Once upon a time, there was a tiny village nestled between two mountains. Each person in the village was very happy because he was given a bag of Warm Fuzzies at birth. You could reach into your bag and pull out a Warm Fuzzy whenever you wanted, and everybody wanted to all the time. Warm Fuzzies were given to other people on the street, at home, everywhere. Warm Fuzzies made you feel just like they sound - warm, happy and content. Everyone in the village was happy, everyone but the bad witch. Now we all know that bad witches are growly. They like us to be unhappy, sad. The bad witch in this village was no exception. She tried and tried to make the people stop giving away Warm Fuzzies. One day she whispered in the ear of little Johnny Brown, "If you keep giving away all of your Warm Fuzzies you won't have any left for yourself." Johnny didn't listen at first, because everyone always had lots of Warm Fuzzies. The more you gave away, the more you got.

Then the witch said to Johnny, "If you give COLD PRICKLIES you will be able to keep all of your Warm Fuzzies." Well, Johnny got to thinking about this, and noticed that his mother was always giving away Warm Fuzzies. So were his father and his sister. Soon he thought they would have no more for him. So Johnny started saving his Warm Fuzzies and started giving COLD PRICKLIES. Soon the whole village was giving COLD PRICKLIES. Everyone was gloomy and sad and very grouchy. The village was no longer happy, and there wasn't a Warm Fuzzy to be found!

This had been going on for years and years, and the wicked witch was very happy. One day an old man came to visit the village. When he spoke to anyone they frowned at him and turned their backs, often walked away. The old man continued to be friendly, polite, pleasant, and one day a very young boy smiled back at the old man. It made him feel good - so good that he patted his dog, and the dog didn't bite him! This was the first Warm Fuzzy given in some time, and the little boy dug into his bag of Warm Fuzzies, as they were much nicer than the COLD PRICKLIES, and he started giving them away. The townspeople grumbled and growled for a while, but soon they felt like giving Warm Fuzzies. One by one people went home to find their Warm Fuzzies and soon everyone was again giving Warm Fuzzies. The bad witch was so upset and disgusted that she left the village and took her COLD PRICKLIES. After all, they didn't stand a chance against Warm Fuzzies.
To this day that village is happy and content. Maybe, just maybe, if we give enough Warm Fuzzies our world can be as happy and pleasant as that village."

Have you ever learned something great from the mouth of babes?

Sista Laurel

Utah Govenor Speaks Ebonics

2009-11-06T09:00:00.004-07:00

Before we get started, let me just say if you know Governor Gray Herbert, you don't have to call him to check the validity of this story. Just trust me on this one…

I belong to a group that gets to have an audience with the Governor here in Utah to discuss some of Utah's many achievements, as well as a few of our issues. Let me give a shout out to our Governor right now.

**Real Talk: I love Governor Herbert. Yes, he is all that and a bag of chips! If I had a **"Ghetto Pass” I’d give it to him. However, I don't have one to give away so I won't. Which is probably better for our Governor, because he’d probably take it literally instead of figuratively. Then we'd all be in trouble, when we turned on the TV and seen our Governor getting the shake down in Compton. While at the same time trying to explain to my cousin Lil Snappy that he's alright because someone gave him a "Ghetto Pass". Messing around with ya’ll I’ve gotten side tracked. Ya'll know that I can't stay focused for long, and it don't take much to distract me.

Anyways, one of the presenters is more than a little mischievous. She is a doctor, and she can communicate in several languages other than, English. However, English and Ebonics are the only two languages I speak fluently. Having said that let me tell you about “The Doc”.

Doc was the first presenter. Her presentation was on health care issues in Utah. Doc caught us all off guard, by first announcing that she was going to walk around as she presented (not typically done at these types of gatherings).

While speaking to Governor Herbert, my wonderful friend went from being a graceful refined doctor to an around the way girl from the hood. I didn't know Doc had it in her (well, actually I did). I just didn't think she would break it down like that for the Governor.

Why did the Doc say to the Governor that something or someone was "Hot as Fish Grease"? Why? I don't have the answer either!

What did our Governor do you ask? He just nodded and jokingly said "fish grease", like he understood - you know? Like he spoke the language!

Was my friend and sista done? Oh Heaven No! As she continued to walk she said, “Gov, I got a little somethin', somethin' for ya". Yes, she did! She said "a little somethin' somethin' for ya"! Wow, I was so confused. Usually some of ya'll (you know who you are) be acting like you don't understand. You be asking questions like, "What? Um excuse me? Can you repeat that?" Not our Governor, he said "you got a little somethin' somethin' for me?" with his hand extended as he took the gift that Doc had for him. Doc gave the Governor a pedometer so that he could track the number of steps he took daily.

It’s probably not shocking for some of you, but for me it was very fascinating to watch. Stop playing, ya'll know I'm Mormon, and you know I live in Utah! It's been a **minute since I've been given the opportunity to just break it down the way I wanted to. And I most certainly haven't had the opportunity to break it down in mixed company (don't act shocked and you know what I’m talking ‘bout)! You know the more comfortable you get with a person the more comfortable your language is. **Fo’sho

Yes, I think Utah's Governor is great! Yes, Utah's Governor speaks several languages (well, I'm not really sure if that's a true statement). Fo'sho Utah's Governor speaks Ebonics, no translator needed!!

Brothas and Sistas the moral to this story isn’t so much that Utah has the most Fab Governor (even though we do). Nor is it that Utah has the most diverse Doctors in the United States (again a true statement)! The moral to this story is serving a mission for the church turns Boys into Men, and Girls into Women. Missions create opportunities for people to step outside of their comfort zones, and really receive the gift of speaking in tongues. I’m sure this (speaking Ebonics) is just one of the many talents Governor Herbert learned while serving a mission in the Eastern Atlantic States. However, this is one of the few unique qualities that our Governor possesses. Do you know your political leaders? Do they speak a language that you understand, I mean really understand or do you need a translator? Share your brush with the political high life in your area.

Real talk = all barriers aside, just a conversation between you and another person.

Ghetto Pass = a pass that allows you free access to enter the ghetto, much like a key to the city.

Fo’sho = For Sure, alright, okay

Minute = more than a minute, when someone says a minute it could mean a few extra minutes, hour or more, or even a few days - maybe even a year. It just depends on who it’s coming from.

Sista Beehive

I Can't I'm Mormon

2009-11-03T13:19:00.011-07:00

One of the common things I’m asked about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is, do I find it difficult to be a member of such a strict religion. People often say to me, there are a lot of nice things about your church, but I don’t think I could give up all the fun stuff. I think that I have a lot of fun, so I always ask, what is that you think Mormons can’t do?

Sex, Sex, Sex! This is usually number one on the list. Without going into too much detail, I assure them that I have A LOT of sex. One of the Mormon stereotypes is that we all have tons of kids. Well, I don’t want to give the birds and the bees talk right now, but how can we be baby makers and sex deprived at the same time? I can’t have non-marital sexual relations. Funny thing is most religions teach this. I usually ask what religion they are and most of the time they agree that their religion teaches this too, “but it’s not like the pastor will do something to me they’ll say”. I’m not sure what non-Mormons envision, but there are no bedroom police in the LDS Church. Among the many church callings you can receive, that does not happen to be one of them. No one runs into the bedroom, or knocks on your fogged-up car window and says GOTCHA! No one stands at the pulpit and says would the congregation please shun Brother or Sister so and so, they were caught engaging in yada yada. Relax, there are no scarlet A’s to be worn.

I can’t drink alcohol; any of you that think Mormons should drink have never been to a function with my Mother-in-law’s side of the family. Attend just one and you’ll be asking us all to blow and pee on a stick! The good part is we’ll all probably come up clean, bad news, that doesn’t explain what we’re high on. (I could also refer to some Utah drivers not needing alcohol to swerve all over the road, but I won't). I can’t smoke; personally I wouldn’t smoke even if I were not a member of the LDS faith.

I can’t: caffinate, tattoo, look at porn, watch R-rated movies, wear fashionable clothing, pierce, swear, gamble, lie, cheat, steal, the list goes on and on. It’s not actually that Mormons can’t do these things, because I myself am not perfect, and believe me there are Mormons who do all of the above, but it’s a matter of choice. There are certain things that faithful members of the LDS church choose not to do and there are many, many people of different faiths and beliefs who also choose to refrain from some of these things. So like Sista Beehive said the other day, it shouldn’t be I can’t I’m Mormon, it should be I won’t I’m Mormon.

Ok, so I won’t be the chick who got drunk last night, gambled away all my money, woke up in some random dudes apartment, can’t find my tube top or my belly button ring, for some odd reason has random dude’s name tattooed on my arm, has an undetected STD, dude where’s my car, with a #1 hit on Youtube cause random dude taped it all, but know that it was my choice, so don’t you dare blame me for missing out on all that fun on the LDS church.

Sista Laurel

Will A Man Rob God?

2009-11-01T14:56:00.009-07:00

Malachi 3:8
Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

Will a man rob God? I heard this every Sunday for the first 12 years of my life. I always knew when it was time to dig deep and produce what ever change my mother put in my squishy red plastic wallet, as the deacons passed the offering tray around. I also knew to only put a few coins at a time so that each time the tray came down the aisle I would have something to give. I always felt terrible when I had nothing to give.

Shortly after joining the LDS church my parents decided they would return to our family church (Pentecostal). Although they felt they should return to the pentecostal church, they allowed me to continue to attend the LDS church. Every Sunday my parents would drop me off at the ward building, and they always made sure I had a few dollars for the offering tray - a couple of times I even got twenty dollars! YEP... I said they gave me money for the offering tray.

Remember I was only 12, so I did what most 12 year olds would have done, I pocketed the money. What? I never asked for money for the offering tray, my mother assumed that the LDS church collected offerings and tithing like some of the other churches did. My parents always told me never to assume anything! "When you assume" they'd say. "you make an "a&&" out of "u" and me. I guess that doesn't apply in a situation like this?

In the LDS church, tithing is more of an honor code thing, those who are going to pay it will and those who aren't won't. Nobody is beaten over the head with how much we give or needed to raise for the day. Unlike the church I had grown up in, where if not enough was collected, we kept passing around the tray until the desired amount was reached. At the LDS church, there was no preacher that was going to get up every Sunday and ask the thought provoking question "Will a Man Rob God"? So I justified my actions by conducting my Sunday transactions like a military officer. "Don't ask, don't tell". My parents never asked if I paid offerings. My Bishop never asked me if I would "rob God" so I continued to justify my actions. It was easy and I was rich, until that "Great and Dreadful Day".

Zephaniah 1:14-18
The Great Day Of The Lord:
14: The great day of the Lord is near, it is near, and hasteth greatly, even the voice of the day of the Lord: the mighty man shall cry there bitterly.
15: That day is a day of wrath, a day of trouble and distress, a day of wasteness and desolation, a day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness,
16: A day of the trumpet and alarm against the fenced cities, and against the high towers.
17: And I will bring distress upon men, that they shall walk like blind men, because they have sinned against the Lord: and their blood shall be poured out as dust, and their flesh as the dung.

The day started off like any other day. School was great, the walk home was typical. As I approached my house I was excited to see that the missionaries had stopped by. When I walked in the house the energy in our home seemed a little weird. Everyone looked like they were going to cry. I thought that Elder Young (name change) our fav missionary was getting transfered. Elder Young was fun, knew his scriptures and was cute. He was fun to be around because he joked a lot. "What's up, Young"? He didn't really look at me, he just glanced, and shrugged his shoulders. Not the usual response, he didn't even smile, and there were no jokes. When I turned to address his companion Elder Green, I noticed that it wasn't Elder Green at all, it was the Bishop. Hey Bishop! I was excited to see the Bishop, he hadn't ever been to my house before. "Hello", the Bishop seemed happy to see me too. Everyone looked so serious, I didn't really know what to say so like a dummy I asked "what are you doing here?" I don't know why I asked that question, but I wish I hadn't.

"Your mom called me this morning, she wanted to know why I hadn't cashed any of her tithing checks. (Note to self and all others listening, always give the Bishop the tithing checks!).

Personal thoughts: Can a 12 year old have a heart attack? Can Jesus take me now?! Do I have the power to will myself to die or faint? Can I make my head explode? What do I have to do to make my head pop off my neck, right now? How come I don't have a super power?? Dang! Dang! Dang!!!

My mom's voice was cold like steal, and flat, "have you been stealing the Lord's money"? She asked without blinking an eye. Stealing from the Lord? She made me sound like a cold hard criminal. I didn't say that, although I did think it. I just had the blank stare in my eyes that my mother hated, and the more I tried to focus, the dumber I looked. I couldn't speak, the room was quiet and seemed to be closing in on me. Everyone just kept looking at me waiting for a response. The tears came, and the confession followed.

Now, I don't know how the punishments went down at ya'lls house, but at my parents home the calm, cold voice was the worst. There was no yelling, there were no time outs (actually where I come from time outs were for athletes), there was no whippings (although that would have been so much easier for me) My mom looked at the Bishop and wanted to know when I would be confessing my sins before the Lord and the church. The Bishops response was at first slight laughter then realizing that my mother was serious he told her that we didn't do that in our church. I was happy that the LDS church was different. He did explain to her that I did need to repent and he wanted to meet with me on Sunday.

For most parents, the Bishops response would have been satisfying enough. Not for my mama, she had something else in mind for me. When I looked over at my father he just gave me that poor pitiful child look, and looked away. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't have to, I knew he was disappointed. Knowing that I had disappointed my father broke my heart. For the first time in a long time I couldn't wait to be banished to my room. One more little glance at my Dad and Elder Young and I knew I was for sure going to HELL! I only wish it would have been before Sunday which was two whole days away.

My mother woke me up early Sunday morning. I got dressed for church, we got in the car, and my dad drove to my uncle's church, my uncle's pentecostal church! I reminded my mom that I had a meeting with the Bishop at my church. "Not before you confess your sins before the saints at "our" church". Yes, brothas and sistas, I had to confess before my God, my uncle, and all the saint's of Greater Victory Church of God and Christ, that indeed "a man would and had robbed God". As I confessed my sin to the members of the congregation, they looked at me in shock, my cousins laughed, but some of the older members shouted out a few , "Oh bless her Lawds", "Watch her Jesus", I even heard someone say "Keep her Jesus, keep her Lord"! The comment that stood out the most to me was from ** Mother Harris (God rest her soul) "if you will steal from God, you will steal from me" then she clutched her purse like I was going to snatch it and run... Really? You see how people act sometimes? I used to go to Mother Harris' house all the time to help her clean, and she never paid me anything (not that it was an issue at the time). I'd never stolen anything from Mother Harris and I wasn't about to start.

Anyway, after confessing my sins to all the Saint's at Greater Victory Church, talking to the Bishop was a cake walk. I learned my lesson! No, there's no need for any of you to clutch your purses or check for your wallets when I'm around. I do think that we (LDS) should ask more often "Will A Man Rob God"? What? Don't act like ya'll have never kept a little spare change. It's time to confess your embarrassing sins that you can laugh about now. Who called you out and how did you respond?

**Mother of the Church~ The Elderly sister in the church. Sometimes even the pastors wife, or pastors widow. She is highly respected and usually sets the tone where behavior, dress, and standards are a concern. Church Mother usually helps decide what is socially acceptable for the women of the church. As a sign of respect this person is referred to as Mother.

Sista Beehive

Nelly's Not The Prophet!!

2009-10-30T11:47:00.014-06:00

Brothas and Sistas, Nelly is a rapper not the Prophet! When he wrote the song: IT'S GETTING HOT IN HERE - SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES, that was not a revelation and he was not taking to us. Really I should just say sistas cause the brothas are keeping their clothes on (even the pre and post mission clothes from 5 years ago... Shout out to brotha Stephen L , I kinda got your back, I said KINDA) :). Now this is something that ya'll won't hear at General Conference. Why you ask, cause the General Relief Society President is more like Aunt Bea and less like Madea. However, there's a few members of the church that are like **Madea and if you ever have the opportunity to meet them you will gain an immediate testimony of modesty, or want to leave the church.

I know you're wondering how I know all this, and if I've had the opportunity to meet such refreshingly honest women... Well, let's just say I have a testimony of modesty! Yes, it was baptism by fire! No, there are no pictures! Yes, I feel blessed and highly favored! Yes, my feelings were hurt! No, I didn't leave the church. Yes sistas all is well in zion... Now!

Stop trying to make things sexy that aren't. If a police woman walked up to my car to give me a ticket dressed the way some of the female officers dress for Halloween, I would have her arrested for sexual assualt. Nobody wants to see a pregnant nun, or stripper L.D.S. Missionary, it ain't cute! Sistas let's stop trying to make stuff sexy thats not sexy! Nurses, really? A maids costume? If your answer is yes, don't be surprised if your husband expects you to clean in that. When did animals become sexy? Animals... Really? Some of the most profound things I've learned in my adult life I've learned from my Madea. Who would probably tell us not to let Halloween turn nice housewives into modest hoes.

It's time for us to return back to basics! Where being an animal meant being fully clothed. Dressing like a nurse meant if you walked into a hospital they'd put you to work. And dressing like a maid meant you looked like you could clean places where dirt and dust collected, not that you were trying to collect other peoples husbands. Sistas we have got to stop trying to look like "sexy teens", so that our teens won't be trying to look like "sexy women". We are all beautiful, and some of us really do have "sweet spirits". It's time that we once again proclaim, "I'm Mormon, I can't". No, let's switch that "I'm Mormon, I won't". I won't dress immodest, I won't be the Naughty Angel, no matter how heavenly it might seem. I won't embarrass my whole entire church by going on Dr. Phil (my own personal issue thought I'd throw it in). Sistas I'm not trying to throw ya'll under the bus, I'm just saying we have gotten outta control. Lets save something for our husbands in the privacy of our own homes. There's no need for us to try to solve all the unsolved mysteries of Halloween. Our new motto should be we are "treats not tricks" . Please stop telling folks " I'm a dead swimmer" so you can wear a bikini (Renee)!

We don't really want our dear Prophet to have to address this issue again. Asking us how we went from being Celestial Wholesome Queens on the 30 of Oct., to Naughty, Naked, and Obscene on 31 of Oct. What a difference a day makes! I don't want President Monson calling Madea. Don't be fooled, the LDS Church has a couple different versions of Madea! Trust me, we got a Madea that speaks every language, even suburbia. What are your thoughts on Halloween? All caution has a cost - "I'm taking my garments off"!! Or does being modest make you spiritually strong - "I'm keeping my garments on"!

** (Mother Dear = usually grandma, sometimes an older woman in the community not always related. Almost always Black) is about to educate ya'll without putting you through the public humiliation.

Sista Beehive

Don't Make Us Do the Sheri Dew

2009-10-29T14:07:00.015-06:00

Ok guys, I hate to pick on you, but you make yourselves such easy targets. I don’t know what it is, but some of the worst pick up lines I have ever heard come from Mormon men. Maybe it’s because they don’t drink, does drinking give you swagger? Every time I hear “My Liahona is pointing at you?” I throw up in my mouth, just a little. Come on are you serious, and that doesn’t even sound right. If the ratio of men to women at BYU weren’t 5 women for every 1 man, no one would be getting hitched.

MoMen you have seriously got to find some swagger and find it fast! LDS women are getting savvy. We’re not supposed to drink caffeine, but we know how to DO THE DEW!

Sheri L. Dew

In 2003, she was described as

“the most prominent single LDS woman right now”.

Now this is a Sista who is not having it, those rusty pick lines are not working on her. She can do bad all by herself.

Look boys, going on a Mission is nice and all, but I don’t care how cool you thought those clothes were two years ago, they are not in style anymore. Step your game up Brothas! Stop going to dances and saying how grateful you are for Martin Harris, cause if it weren’t for him we would be 116 pages further apart. Stop telling us you found a way for women to hold the priesthood, and then trying to get us to hug you.

Now ladies, you know why they keep doing it? Cause some of ya’ll are giggling and acting like it’s cute. STOP! That’s why you end up married for 10 years and your man is still wearing his Missionary suit.

Ok guys, so you have now been officially schooled. We don’t want to hear it! Don’t tell us you recognize our name from your patriarchal blessing, that when you came to church you knew you would feel the spirit, but you didn’t know you would see an angel. We don’t want the gift of tongues bestowed upon us, and yes we do obey the
Word of Wisdom even though we are SMOKING…Hot.

And Sistas, next time a fella steps to you and says some crazy ish like “If our bodies are a temple, where can I get a recommend to yours?” You better tell that fool he ain’t worthy!

What are the worst pick up lines you've heard? MoMen don't be shy, which ones have you used? Are any of these lines actually working? Are you an RM who still wears their pre-Mission clothes? How long can a Missionary suit last?

Sista Laurel

Testimony By Invitation Only

2009-10-26T13:08:00.009-06:00

I was once at a testimony meeting where a General Authority was visiting. A man stood up and said. "What do I need to do to be a G.A.? What do I need to do to be the first "Black Prophet"? Yes, he did! Yes, I laughed (not out loud). Yes, I wish I had a "Pink Panic Button" I would have pushed it as soon as he turned to look at the G.A. cause I knew it wasn't going to be good. It was wrong on so many different levels.

If I had the Priesthood, testimony meetings would be run a little different. Yes, they would still be highly emotional. However, members would be able to bare testimonies by invitation only. There would be instructions on what a testimony is and how one should bare it. There would be a mandatory time limit on how long a testimony should take. Stories are acceptable, however, they would have to pertain to the testimony and must be a testimony that will strengthen members of the congregation. There would be consequences for those brothas and sistas that are always breaking the rules. I would call it the "Pink Panic Button".

Although women are more emotional then men, we are less confrontational. I would never embarrass another brotha or sista by standing next to them and whispering in their ear that what they were saying was inappropriate, even if it was. Nor would I tug on a skirt or pant leg to let a person know that they've gone over the allotted time. I would simply push the "Pink Panic Button".

When the pink button is pushed the floor underneath the speaker opens up and the speaker takes a wild slide ride that leads to a room where they would have to read the article where President Monson talks about building a strong testimony, until church was over. On second thought, I don’t want the priesthood, I just want to get the "Pink Panic Button" implemented fast!

Sista Beehive

Saturday's War

2009-10-24T17:53:00.003-06:00

Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Sunday.... For years we've all been striving (or should have been striving) to use our Saturdays to prepare for Sunday. I must admit that I haven't always felt eager to prepare for anything except Christmas and maybe a few birthdays... maybe. However, as I've taken on this particular challenge I find it extremely difficult to remain patient.

My boys have a way of sneaking odd objects into our home without me finding out until it's time for me to do the laundry. In the boys room, I found a home made shank... I would like to think it's a B.O.M. weapon, and that my son was thinking like a "strippling warrior", however, I know it's just a product of our watching too much "Gangland" on the History Channel (T.M.I.).

Anyways, I've become my mother... No Saturday morning cartoons until your room is cleaned, and you have what you're wearing to church out on your bed. With all the moaning and groaning I find it difficult not to take it to the next level of insanity. "What are you complaining for when I was your age we didn't have TiVo. When I missed a show I had to wait for a rerun!!" Don't get me started with the many memories of how things used to be... Remember when kids were afraid to talk back? Wow, I just had to save myself, I almost gave a shout out to "the good old days" which would have officially made me and my mother the same person. I'm not really there yet.

I don't know if the suggestion to use Saturday to prepare for Sunday was to encourage family togetherness, or just really to be prepared for Sunday. I don't know if the Brothern realize that families all across the world are at war on Saturdays and on most Sundays some mothers shouldn't even look at the Sacrament tray lest they should catch fire and turn into ashes. I don't know how many more Saturdays I can keep my cool without having a "Drop Kick Me Jesus" moment! Brothas and sistas, the warring has got to stop, I'm in need of a treaty - any suggestions? Help keep a sista outta jail...

Sista Beehive

Never Raise Your Hand In Primary

2009-10-23T09:17:00.006-06:00

I remember the first talk I ever gave. I was 5 years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I even remember what the talk was about, I told a wonderful story about a boy named Timmy, and a butterfly. Do you want to know why I remember it so well, because it was traumatizing of course! Picture it...a family decides to move to America, a 5 year old girl and her Father travel months ahead of the rest of the family, to secure a place for them family to live.

After sometime in my new Ward I summoned up enough courage to raise my hand when they asked for volunteers to give a talk the following week in Primary. I was so excited to show my Father the slip of paper which said that I had to prepare a 2 minute talk. My Father was so proud, we went home and called the family to tell them the good news. My Mother was so happy, but so sad she would miss it. My father rushed me off the phone because he wanted to start preparing my talk immediately.

He got out a blue spiral bound notebook and began to ask me what I wanted to speak about so he could write it down. My parents are converts and were never in Primary so I explained to my Dad that I had seen many talks now, and all he had to do was come into the Primary room next Sunday, kneel next to me at the pulpit, whisper the talk into my ear one line at a time, and then I would repeat it into the microphone. Nonsense! He said. I have never seen someone whisper a talk in someone’s ear. It happens all the time in Primary I assured him. He didn’t believe me. He asked me what the other children talk about. I told him that they usually told a story, that there was a magazine that had nice stories in it, and their parent’s whispered it in their ears and the children repeated them. He still didn’t believe me about the whispering in the ear part, but he consented that having a story that portrayed the message you were talking about was a good idea. He didn’t know what the magazine was and we didn’t have any children’s church books, so together we made up a story about a boy named Timmy and a butterfly. Hours later we had finally completed the talk and I was tired and ready for bed.

The next day when I got home from school, after I had finished my homework I headed outside to play. Where do you think you are going my Dad said. To play I said. No, no, he said, you have to practice your talk. Practice! The talk wasn’t until Sunday, today was Monday, what was he talking about. Now I had lost the whisper the talk in my ear battle, but I had been reading for years, what was there to practice. I would just take the paper up there and read the talk. Read the talk he said, no that’s not how they do it you have to memorize it, at conference they don’t look down at the pulpit, they have their talks memorized. I was flabbergasted. This man who had never been to Primary a day in his life, was comparing my two minute talk to a conference talk.(Which by the way, they use teleprompters! Didn’t know that then, so couldn’t make that argument). I began to cry, I looked through the tears in my eyes, he wasn’t moved at all. This is where not having my Mother on the otherside of the world would have come in handy. I took the blue spiral notebook from his hand and walked into the living room and slumped into a chair and began to memorize my talk. Did I mention that this was just a simple Primary talk? What about that I was only 5, did I mention that? This was my life for the rest of the week. My Father would listen and correct me if I skipped a word. I began to despise Timmy and that stupid butterfly.

At last Sunday came. My Father picked a hideous outfit for me, as he had been doing for the past few months, I was lucky if I eneded up with the same color shoes on my feet. My hair looked a hot mess. One fat braid sticking straight up from the middle of my head, another sticking directly out at the side of my head. I’m sure people thought I was homeless. When it was time to give my talk in Primary, I got to come up front and sit in the chairs behind the pulpit. I could see my Father sitting proudly at the back of the room. I was the second talk. As I watched the boy before me get up there and watched his mother lovingly whisper the words in his ear, I started to get mad. Why didn’t he listen? What was so wrong with whispering? Wasn’t he always telling me not yell and to whisper? Why couldn’t he do it? Why couldn’t I just read it? I really missed my Mother. When I got up to the pulpit I began my talk, I said it exactly like we had rehearsed it all week, I put the voice inflections right where Dad told me they should go, I stopped where there were periods and paused where there were commas, didn’t mess up once. When I had finsihed my talk my Dad looked up at me so pleased, and instead of going back to my seat I walked directly to him put my head on his shoulder and began to sob.

He quickly picked me up and took me into the hall, and handed me his kercheif. He knelt down beside me and quietly asked me what was wrong. OH! Now he wanted to kneel beside me and whisper! I told him I wished he would have just done it the way everyone else had done it and whispered it to me, but you can read he tried to reason with me. I could have pretended I didn’t know how, I told him. I’m sorry he told me, I didn’t know what it was like, I never went to Primary, maybe next time…..NEXT TIME, was he insane, there would be no next time, that two minute talk had cost me playing outside for an entire week. I would be sitting on my hands from now on in primary when they asked for volunteers for anything, I would be looking confused like I didn’t speak English.

As Primary ended people started leaving the room, my teachers and friends and other parents stopped in the hall to tell me how well I had done on my talk and how impressed they were. It made me feel a little better, you know how your parents say the same thing and you don’t want to hear it, but coming from a stranger it makes you smile. I dried my tears, and Dad and I headed home to call my Mother so I could recite my talk to her and beg her to come to America and comb my hair!

Have a traumatizing talk story to share? Do you have that kid that is always volunteering for talks in Primary? Practice all week with your kid for a talk, then they get up there and stare at you and say nothing?

Your Sista In the Gospel,
Sista Laurel

Titanic In the Living Room??

2009-10-21T13:36:00.007-06:00

Saturday I attended a Non-Mormon wedding reception that was "Amazing"! I'm not saying that Mormon Receptions (aren't amazing lower case "a"). I'm just saying that sometimes "We" (Mormons) don't really know how to celebrate. Let me give you the run down... First of all everyone was Dressed "Dressed", you know what I'm saying!! It was the type of celebration that if you had on a floral dress with the lace collar you felt out of place and under dressed.

The Ceremony was very nice. There was a Preacher! I'm talking a real Preacher... Sorry, I'm just really excited. He said, "If you wake up one morning and there is a Titanic in your living room, you know you've got a problem". He was talking about not going to bed angry, and how marriage is like a ship...Or cruz...Or Noah's Ark...Ya'll know I got ADD. I didn't get all of it because MamaRine was talking (sorry girl), yes, I'm calling you out! I don't think I've ever seen or witnessed a real Preacher breaking it down Preacher style in Utah County, robe and all! Made me want to rock with Jesus! Glory, Glory!

Real Food!!! Yes, brotha's, real food!! There was something there for everyone. Red beans and rice, mac and cheese, veggie bar-b-que, salad, Haitian cold slaw, and many other dishes that were fantastic on the pallet, but to complicated for the vocabulary.

Good music and dancing! Now I know what you're thinking, We dance. No boo, we don't dance at weddings. We have "A" dance, usually it's the bride and groom's dance, while the guest just watch. At this wedding there was dancing of course there was the bride and groom's dance. Then there was the family dance, the two step, the soul train line, new electric slide, and the electric slide! It was so much fun! The music was enjoyable and clean!! I mentioned clean because sometimes at LDS events people of color have to beg the DJ to play soul music, and as you are sitting there begging the DJ to play something that you (people of color) can groove too. You have to listen to him tell you that he can't play what you've requested because it's not appropriate... Really, you can't play "All The Single Ladies" but you can play " Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" Or "Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy"? Wow, it feels great to have music that everyone... or mostly everyone, can dance too.

Let me not forget the "Shout Outs"! When the Bride and or Groom, grabs the mic and starts giving "shout outs". Shout Outs are given as a just in case, just in case I don't see you before the night is over. Just in case, I don't ever get another chance to say this again in my life. So the Groom gave a shout " It's amazing what the power of women can do. Everything you see here today, it's because these ladies made it happen! I just want to say Thank You to all of them!" Wow!! How many folks get to give a shout out or have received a much needed shout out! I'm giving a "Shout Out" to Mike P. the Groom, Thank You, for Thanking all the women who were able to help out(I wasn't one of those women who helped). To the women who did help put the conference hall together, the place looked so Beautiful!!

Now I don't want ya'll having a fit, writing or trying to "call me out" which is different from a "shout out" talking about "Pleazzzze Mormons, do know how to throw a party!" I have been to a few LDS Weddings, that have "Rocked"! Having said that I know I talk about the appearance of things a lot, but for me it's important to dress the part!

Let's recap:
Dress: (Non~Mormon) Nice Suit, Dress etc.
(Mormon) Nice Jeans (sometimes) Floral Dress w/ doily collar.

Food: (Non~ Mormon) ~ Food, Food, Real Food!
(Mormon)~ Mints and Nuts! Yummy!! :)

Ceremony: (Non~ Mormon) ~Preaching
(Mormon) ~Talking

Past Time: (Non~ Mormon) ~Dancing
(Mormon) ~ Talkin

Greetings: (Non~Mormon) Mingling
(Mormon) ~Long line...and Talking

Thirst Quincher: (Non~ Mormon) Dranks!!
(Mormon) ~Drinks! J/K there were no "Dranks" at this wedding, just drinks! Ya'll know the differences? Ask sista Laurel, she went to the last wedding I went too :).

Not everyone dresses up at non~mormon weddings there is always that one person two or three, that show up looking a hot mess!! Yes brotha's and sista's we had a few of those. Who wears saggy jeans to a semi-formal wedding? These two knuckle heads! With the best excuse ever! I have a concert tonight, I would say his name... but you've never heard of him. Who launches their hard core rap career in Utah??? I know, I laugh ever time I think about it to.

Love~N~Happiness!

Sista Beehive

NO! Cherrios In the Chapel

2009-10-20T15:29:00.002-06:00

I always wished I were in one of those families who brought Cherrios to church. Nope, that is not my testimony. We couldn’t do anything at church, but put our hands in our laps and look straight ahead. Once some friendly unsuspecting woman, had one of her kids offer us a snack. We each took one and popped it in our mouths. When my Mother looked down that pew and saw our mouths moving the look on her face alone made me start to sweat. You see my parents rarely said, “You’re gonna get it when you get home.” They had the “This is the place” mentality. If you can act up here then this is the place you get punished. After Sacrament meeting she herded us into the women’s restroom (yes, even my brother). Now Brothas and Sistas, I’m not going to write the details of what happened to us in the restroom that Sunday, but let’s just say we felt everything, but the Spirit. After that when ever someone tried to hand us a treat we looked at them like they were handing us a piece of leprosy and said, NO THANK YOU! (In our heads we were saying, “Get that away from me, I’m trying to be reverent, are you crazy! Do you not know who my Mother is?) I don’t know a thing about bring snacks to church in Tupperware, and by Tupperware do you mean those plastic cups my Mother kept in the cupboard that she said were too expensive for us to drink out of.

Once in Primary they told us bringing “quiet books” to church was a good way to be reverent in Sacrament meeting. Well, Brothas and Sistas, they lied, cause when I tried to walk out of the house with that “quiet book”, my Mama got real loud! Oh, and don’t even think about asking to go to the bathroom during Sacrament meeting, if you didn’t go at home, or before the meeting started, you had better take that up with your bladder. While we watched other children happily coloring in their coloring books, we looked down at the back of the one meeting program that my parents divided into sections so we could all share it to write down thoughts about the talks we were supposed to be listening too. In Sacrament meeting the Friend, was no friend of mine. If you thought church magazines were allowed, you thought wrong. Once my brother was reading one, and even though he was sitting on the opposite end of the pew from my Mom, the back of her go go Gadget arm found the back of his head.

Do you know why Bishops keep candy in their office, and say have as many as you’d like? I don’t, I don’t even know what the Bishop’s candy tastes like. When we got treats in Primary my parents wouldn’t let us eat them at church, not even after church. We had to take it home and save it. Save it for what you ask? Save it until they said we could eat it, and by then that popcorn ball was so stale, that it tasted like it actually fe1l off the apricot tree. (Click here if you don’t get that joke.)

Do you want to know who I blame? I blame YOU! My parents got away with acting like the Grinch Who Stole Primary thanks to all the adults who after Sacrament meeting said, "You’re children are always so well-behaved." So excuse me if I didn’t comment on yesterday’s post, I was to busy experiencing flash backs and cold sweats.

Was it just me, or did you have parents who sucked the fun out of being Mormon? What kind of parent are you? What keeps your kids reverent in Sacrament meeting? What keeps YOU reverent?

Sista Larel

Cheerios In The Chapel

2009-10-18T16:34:00.006-06:00

The LDS church is probably one of the only churches that I've ever attended that allowed children to eat snacks during church (without sneaking). My husband and I had been married for a while (according to mormon standards) before we started our family. Which gave us time to figure out all the latest in best baby snacks. As we witnessed all the failures and successes some of our friends were having in the pursuit of finding the best baby snacks. Unlike my friends my decision was based on something more concrete. My decision was baised on the snacks that I liked the most... What? Don't judge me!

When my husband and I started I was ready. I had the baby, I had the diaper bag, I had the snacks, I was excited and prepared! Within a hour of being at church I realized that babies don't eat, anything!! They drink, dang it! I didn't really think about that. I did find out that as a mother I was entitled to snacks. Yeah! So I continued to pack snacks for myself, I had to keep my health up so that I could nurse... Even though I wasn't really nursing... Don't judge me! It takes energy to make a bottle too. When my baby was finally old enough to process treats, was a happy day for me. I took Gummy Bears, Fruit Snacks, Teddy Grams, and of course Cheerios, all the treats that I loved and that she would grow to love.

My excitement was short lived when she rejected my treats and wanted to partake of Sister Browns (name changed to protect the innocent) instead. Sister Brown was an expert in the packing of snacks. She was the mother of 3 children, all of whom were perfect during Sacrament Meeting. I must admit that Sister Browns snacks did look scrumptious. She brought super sized Fruit Loops, and Cheerios, Super Sized! She had the cutest tupper - ware with perfectly packed dried fruit, and mini fruit snacks. I must say that I was impressed with Sister Browns creative display of snack packing. Yes I was impressed, and yes I was jealous!

My little one continued to look into my hand at my meager display of cheerios, while reaching for the treats that Sister Brown held out for her son. Sister Brown, (bless her heart) began to share the treats that were meant for her son with my child. I tried everything that Sunday during Sacrament, but nothing could distract my little one from this Relief Society Sister, her son, or her snacks.

I know that many would be grateful to have the help of a sister to keep there baby happy during Sacrament. However on this occasion that was not my testimony... Don't judge me! I decided that I needed to be better prepared in the future. So the following Sunday I was ready, I did 3 things different.
1. During the week we had taste test! I needed to know what she liked (just kidding, I said I did 3 things different because things sound better in 3's not 2's). :)
2.I found the exact same Super Sized Fruit Loops, Cheerios, and Mini Fruit Snacks. As for the dried fruit, I didn't have the skill (nor did I know anyone who did) to make it myself, 3 outta 4 ain't bad.
3. I sat in the furthest possible seat in the chapel from Sister Brown.

I can honestly say that over the years my attitude has really changed! It's amazing what 15 years and 8 children can do to a women and her way and or pattern of thinking. I not only willingly accept but have also learned to ask for help. I had even gotten to the point by the time I had my last child that I didn't even freak out (as much) when he would eat cheerios or other treats that had been licked by his little church buddies. I have to laugh when I think about the pressure that we as women put on ourselves. I'm sure that there are those times when we are judged by our peers and that never feels good. However, I know that in my case when I've seen myself through the eyes of others I've usually judge myself more harshly then they may have judged me. I often wonder if Sister Brown realized that she was the trend setter for baby dos and don'ts in my ward at that time.

Who are the trend setters in your life? What pressures have you placed on yourself in the past that now seems silly?

Sista Beehive

Coming Out of the Closet

2009-10-16T08:00:00.004-06:00

When I was younger all of my close friends knew that I was LDS. I often invited my friends to church with me and I wore that weird green ring with CTR on it. I think that people of all religions have those distinct times when they come out of the religious closet. I've had many of those times in my life and I'm sure I’ll have many more. I’m talking about the first time you announce to someone that you are Mormon, or the first time a certain group of people find out. It happens to me every time I move to a new place or make a new friend.

I remember one of the first times I stepped out of the Mormon closet at school. I was in the 5th grade. We had come to the section on religion in Social Studies class and the teacher was calling out the religions and picking students to be in each group. I glanced through the chapter to see which religion I wanted to raise my hand for, and to my surprise I saw a tiny paragraph with the word MORMONISM as the title. When she called Mormonism I raised my hand, wiggled in my chair, even made some noises, but some how I ended up in the Hinduism group.

We worked on our projects for weeks and then it was the day to present. I had a great group and we had someone who practiced Hinduism in our group, so we had a lot of cool stuff to show off. We rocked it. When it was time for the group on Mormonism to present, a classmate (I can’t say her name, even though it was a long time ago she recently found me on facebook and she might remember), gets up there and starts telling a story about Joe Smith and a gold Bible. It was a fantastic story, we were all engaged, I just don’t know what it had to do with Mormonism. I loved Primary and I always paid attention, and I had never heard this story before. Then when they got to the part about Brigham Young she kept saying, Brig Ham (like the meat) Young. They told how Mormons wore funny clothes, thought coffee and tea would turn you into the devil, how it was more of a cult than a religion, all kinds of craziness! The teacher asked them why they had no visual aids and items to share with the class. They said because Mormons don’t believe in having things so they couldn’t get any, most of the Mormons died in the desert and the rest were in Utah so they couldn’t interview anyone who was Mormon.

I know what you’re thinking, F+! So I raised my hand and told the teacher that they were pronouncing Brigham Young’s name wrong and that the group and the book were wrong. How do you know?, she said. Because I’m Mormon, I said. Everyone was looking at me shocked. One of my friends said to me, I didn’t know you were Mormon. I looked at her like she was crazy; you’ve been to church with me a bunch of times. Oh, that’s the Mormon Church, she said.

My teacher asked if in the following week I could talk to the class about Mormonism, bring some items to show the class, like the gold bible, and even dress in Mormon attire. Sure I said…..for extra credit (I’m a hustler baby!). My teacher told the class to think about any questions they had about Mormons and I would answer them next week. I went home and told my parents, my teacher wants me to dress like a Mormon and talk about the church, what should I wear? Jeans, my Dad said.

The day of my presentation I wore a stylish church dress, some frilly dress socks, a polished pair of dress shoes, my hair looked fly (see Sista Beehive, Mormons are SHARP!). I talked about the LDS faith and what we believe, showed them what I had brought, showed them the Book of Mormon (had to explain why it was blue and not gold). Then finally I opened it up for questions. My peers started raising their hands and the questions kept coming.

How many Moms do you have? (I didn’t even know about the polygamy thing back then, so I had no idea what they were talking about). Where’s your hat and your cloak? (I’m not Amish). I heard you guys drink special water? (Yeah, Nephi’s spit). How come you’re alive? (Note to self, don’t sit by the morbid kid). Are you allowed to watch TV? (I’m not Amish). Are you married? (Are you high?) How come you don’t have a horse and buggy? (I’m not Amish). Is that why your Mom is always pregnant? (Don’t talk about my Mama!) Are Mormons the people from the Mayflower? (Nope, those we’re Pilgrims, you’re thinking of Pioneers). Mormons don’t like black people. (I like myself). Name a famous Mormon. (Dale Murphy). Mormons are weird! (Yo Mama!)……….and finally the bell rang.

Come out of the Mormon closet lately? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever been asked about Mormons? Have a question about Mormons that you are dying to ask?

Sista Laurel

Hallelujah Holla Back!

2009-10-15T16:20:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I wish that President Monson was also a D.J. and took special requests. Because I know that people are willing to listen to him. I can just see it now...

President Monson: Hallelujah Holla Back, Brothas and Sistas, this is D.J. Thomy, taking your special request live...liv…liv...live, holla atcha Prez.

Sista Beehive: Umm... D.J. Thomy, could you please give a shout out to my husband, I want him to start letting me pick his clothes because I have a keen since of style. Oh... yeah tell him to stop cutting his own hair, cause I don't really like that either. You getting all that?

President Monson: Yeah...little Sista I got you.

Sista Beehive: Ummmm, One more thing...

President Monson: Alright Sista, we got eternity.... but we don't got all day.... hahaha.

Sista Beehive: Please, one more.... ummm how come he can spend hours watching BYU basketball but can't watch a chick flick with his wife??? Huh? Why?

President Monson: Sista, I know you don't expect me to respond to that...but, I will say this, Brothas, watching a chick flick, won't affect your Priesthood, but watching one with the one you love will bring you closer to the eternal relationship you seek! Ya heard it here Brothas and Sistas. It's out there far and wide, high and low, from "This is the place" to "Whoop there it is"... Thanks for tuning in; I hope ya'll had a good time! Be Blessed and Hallelujah Holla Back!

That’s how I imagine it anyway, because I know that the Prophet, Seer, and Revelator, can communicate in all tongues…. even Ebonics.

Who would you need President Monson to shout out to? What would your special request be?

Sista Beehive

Can I Get A Translator, The Mormons Are Speaking In Tounges Again

2009-10-13T13:55:00.004-06:00

There are words and phrases that Mormons use all the time, they are common to us, but no one else knows what the heavens we are talking about.

Once, my parents invited a friend to Stake Conference. On the drive home, noticing that the man seemed somewhat agitated, my Dad asked if he had enjoyed the meeting. The man said, the meeting was nice, but we could have at least let him stay for the steak. He went on to say he had eaten a small breakfast that day, because he knew he would be having steak later on. When we all started giggling he looked really confused. My Dad explained that the word was actually S-T-A-K-E and not S-T-E-A-K, and that it was used to describe a group of Wards (another word we had to explain to him) within a certain boundary.

I wonder how many investigators have been planning to attend STEAK CONFERENCE?

Experiences like these got Sista Beehive and I thinking, wouldn’t it be great if there was a sort of Mormon Dictionary. Something to explain what non-members might expect, words they may not know, sayings we use all the time and what they mean.

In Wards with a lot of new converts, in an inner city area, or where the people just speak the native tongue and not Mormon, there can be great confusion.

During a Young Women’s lesson on chastity the leader giving the lesson said that the girls should avoid “necking and petting.” The girls had no idea what she was talking about. What is necking and petting, one of the girls asked? All the leaders looked at each other trying to think of a good way to explain it. Finally I said, “feeling each other up”. The young woman said, well why didn’t you just say that. I don’t know what necking is, but petting is something you do to a cat. Then the girls explained what “feeling someone up” was to those leaders who now looked confused. (That’s what leaders are talking about when they say, “I’m learning more from the girls than they are probably learning from me.”)

Here are some of the things we think should be in the Mormon Dictionary:

STAKE: A group of Wards

STAKE CONFERENCE: A meeting for the members of a stake; like most airlines no meals are provided; complimentary bread and water

WARD: A congregation; not to be confused with a ward in a mental institution, although some of the same people may be found at both

FIRESIDE: A meeting with a speaker who speaks on a religious topic; topics are often geared towards certain members such as the youth, single adults, etc; no fire is involved; meeting usually held at a Ward building in the chapel where it is usually cold.(side note: back to yesterday's topic, this could explain some of the cuddling)

BISHOPRIC: A Bishop and his two counselors make up a Bishopric; unlike when Mormons say, Sister Young or Brother Jacobs, the Bishops name is not Rick (so not Bishop Rick)

FAMILIES CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER is not a threat, but a saying Mormons used to describe a blessing. (Proves that Mormons do not marry young to get away from their families)

We do not say COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS because we are competitive and we want to compare who has most.

HIGH COUNCILOR: Mormons believe in saying no to drugs! (Would someone give us the actual definition please?)

These are just a few, but we know there are more, what would you include in a Mormon Dictionary? We are Women, most of us say we know everything, but we'll admit it, we know mostly everything, so if we have some of the actual definitions wrong please give us the correct definition.

Sista Laurel

Foreplay at Church?

2009-10-12T13:10:00.009-06:00

We love all the emails we've been getting, especially about topics you'd like us to blog about. A Sister, who shall remain nameless, asked this question:

I am a single adult member of the church and was wondering. Why all the rubbing? I'm always sitting through sacrament meetings watching all the couples rubbing all over each other. Are they trying to make all the single people jealous? We get it, you have someone and we don't. Doesn't all that touching, stroking, rubbing, and whispering ignite the flames of romance (edited to find a more tender word than the one she used, hope you don't mind Sister)? Saw your blog loved it and thought maybe you could answer this question for me?

We are working on a response to this Sister's question. What about it? Since we both might be guilty as charged, help us out! Are couples always rubbing each other? Do other singles find this annoying? Do we need more fire extinguishers at church? Is this why Mormons have so many kids?

Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel

Jerry Springer In Sacrament Meeting

2009-10-11T16:53:00.001-06:00

Oh Brothers and Sisters, you want to hear embarrassing church stories. So this was during my Jackie Years (you know the female version of a "Jack Mormon"). Before I knew that watching Jerry Springer was against the "Words of Wisdom"(or at least it should be).

Jerry Springer was my favorite pass time. I watched Jerry while I cleaned. Jerry was my company when I cooked dinner. Pretty much when my wonderful hubby was working, Jerry was the man of the house. My husband had warned me about watching the Jerry Springer Show...Especially in front of our 8 children. I even refused to acknowledge my Jerry addiction when the sisters in Relief Society warned against the dangers of watching such crud. Telling myself that "if it were really an issue the "Brethren" would address the issue (they never did).

Any who, I didn't think that applied to my 18 month old who's brain was developing daily and she was learning faster then Jerry and I could teach her. I had convinced my husband that I had broken up with Jerry, and that my 18 month old and I had been spending the day watching Barney and educational videos.

However little did we (hubby,and I) know that my secret would soon be out. Imagine this brotha's and sista's...Oops, I do mean brother's and sister's. Sitting in Sacrament Meeting waiting for the Sacrament... My baby raises her hands over her head, starts pumping her fists up and down, and chanting "Eerry, Eerry, Eerry,". Realizing what she was saying I quickly tried to quiet her, as I was reaching for my 18 month old, my husband, bishop, and a few others quickly glanced over in my direction. Making eye contact with my husband, I said "what, it's from a long time ago" (can't remember if I ever repented for that lie, for sure on my list of to do's). He just gave me one of those looks that said it all. I knew, that he knew, that I hadn't really broken up with Jerry. What was I to do, except hold my head up and act normal. The thought that kept going through my head was "never let 'em see you sweat".

After Sacrament, the Bishop asked, what she was chanting with a sly smirk on his face... My only reply was " I don't know, hubby had her all day yesterday". Again, not sure I ever got that cleared up. (How late is too late to repent?). Anyway, grateful for three things in this story, a child that probably could have used some speech therapy. A Bishop that was young and had a sense of humor, and God blessing me with some color, so that when I get embarrassed I don't turn bright red, instead I get a nice shade of purple... Amen!

P.S. I can honestly say I've had 11 yrs of Jerry Springer Sobriety!!

Thank you so much for sharing your most embarrassing chapel stories, keep them coming! We love sharing the Spirit and Sharing our silly moments with our brothers and sisters! It makes us all feel "Blessed and Highly Favored!!"

God Speed,
Sista Beehive

The Deacons Drank The Wine!

2009-10-10T07:29:00.015-06:00

There are experiences I had as a child that absolutely mortified me, but now that I am an adult I can look back at them and laugh. Why do so many of those experiences involve an LDS chapel and a man named Mr. Lucius? Mr. Lucius was a family friend who often accompanied my Grandmother when she attended church with my family. He was a retired school bus driver, with a mouth full of dentures, who spoke like he was constantly chewing on a biscuit. No one could ever understand what Mr. Lucius was saying. Unless of course the speech was going to be so embarrassing that you would slump so far down into the pew, that you hoped you might disappear. Those were the times when he spoke ever so clearly.

Mr. Lucius was a Bible thumpin, foot stompin, Southern Baptist. My siblings and I had long ceased to be phased by the Amen’s and Hallelujahs he enthusiastically shouted to the confused Sacrament Meeting speakers. In fact we often coaxed him into a few, but on this particular Sunday…oh boy!

During the passing of the Sacrament, the time when the chapel is most silent, Mr. Lucius grabbed the wrist of the Deacon, who had just finished passing us the water and loudly proclaimed….

“Them lil' alter boys done drunk all the wine and filled these cups with water!”

Oh my goodness!... I wanted to die... and be resurrected in a time when Mr. Lucius had all his teeth, but never ever, ever opened his mouth…...And why was he looking at us with that triumphant grin on his face, like he had just cracked an unsolved mystery. In my head I was screaming SIT DOWN, YOU ARE NOT COLUMBO!

My parents quietly tried to explain to a disbelieving Mr. Lucius, that the Deacons had not in fact drank any wine, and that the cups were intended to be filled with water. As the Deacon who was trying desperately to hold back his laughter collected the tray, I thought to myself…I will never live this down.

After the meeting, as I took my long slow walk of shame to Primary, I offered a fervent prayer...Dear God, please let it be true…am I adopted?

Sista Laurel

Am I the only one who has ever been embarrassed in the chapel?

The Mormon James Earl Jones

2009-10-09T09:00:00.005-06:00

There are those voices, those smoothe, silky voices, you know the ones. They can read the ingredients off canned food and make you melt. Let's name a few:

Sean Connery

James Earl Jones

Then there's Barry White. His voice is so sultry, his music has been dubbed "Baby Making Music".

A list of Best Speaking Voices also named: Anthony Hopkins, Elvis Presley, Morgan Freeman, Harrison Ford, Vincent Price,

and of course, Don LaFontaine.

On the lists of all the "Bad Boys of Voice," one voice is consistently missing. This voice reaches millions, it touches our hearts every week, "from the crossroads of the West.." He welcomes us to a program of inspirational music and spoken word.....

Lloyd D. Newell, Announcer for:
Music and the Spoken Word, Mormon Tabernacle Choir

& often forgotten - Bad Boy of Voice

Yup! That's him. Lloyd D. Newell. Now I know some of you are thinking, you're crazy, you just grouped him in with some of the best speaking voices of ALL time! You might be saying he's got nothing on Nathan Morris (the bass from Boyz II Men who does the speaking parts). Well, I'm saying your wrong, there's a reason he annouces for a Grammy winning choir, his voice is like sunshine in my soul today!

Now don't go telling folks that there are two sistas with a blog saying that during Music and the Spoken Word is the perfect time to get your groove on. Yes, Brother Newell is definitely on the list, but for that particular calling, please stick to the smooth sounds of Brotha Barry White.

Sista Laurel

Blessed And Highly Favored!

2009-10-07T20:15:00.004-06:00

Being a convert to the L.D.S. Church, I'm always impressed with our brothers and sisters who attend General Conference. Everyone always looks so nice and neat. Which is in contrast to my memories of the many Pentecostal Conventions I attended in my youth. My mother would go through great pains in search of the perfect hat, dress, and shoes, and that was just for us kids.

On the other hand, my mother took a totally different approach with her outfit. It was all about being and looking "blessed and highly favored by the Lawd". If her dress was store bought then her hat was hand made, if her hat was store bought then her dress was tailor made. My mother, like most women, wasn't willing to "run into herself," and the thought of that happening would create enough stress to make her switch outfits 3 or 4 times to be sure that she was going to look unique and fabulous! I want you to know that during Convention the women put the "D" in Dress and the men put the "S" in Sharp! At Convention, looking nice and neat simply won't do!

Now I know that there are so many other things that I need to be focused on during General Conference. However, my thoughts were on the wives of the many General Authorities that line the stands this Conference. I also wonder about the thoughts of the many sisters who are seated in the congregation. Did they frantically run around SLC in search of the perfect pink blazer? Did some of the women make a mad dash to ZCMI looking for the perfect purple dress?...oops that was the Mo-Tab. Anywho, I wonder if there will ever be a time when the women in our church will decide that "nice and neat" is no longer an option. I wonder when we will decide that it's time for us to really dress up for Jesus. When will we decide to step up and step out SHARP!!!?

Oh my... Where has the time gone? Here I've let my thoughts get the best of me, and I've missed most of the speakers. I'm so grateful for the Ensign!

Sista Beehive

The Tie Game

2009-10-03T21:26:00.016-06:00

Today began the 179th Semiannual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It also kicked off discussions all across the world of parents telling teenagers that the Saturday sessions are just as important as the Sunday sessions. When I was younger I didn't even know there were Saturday Conference sessions. All I knew was that twice a year my parents left on Saturday morning and didn't come back until the evening. They were using the Saturday sessions of conference to run away from us, and those were usually the days when the house was burned down or one of my siblings was locked in the closet for hours.

There was this rumor I used to hear about when I was younger, about this far off distant land, where people got to stay home and watch General Conference in their pajamas. When I finally had the chance to get voted onto the island, boy was it not what I thought it would be. First of all, when you watch Conference at church it's dark (they turn out the lights so you can see the screen, like in a movie theater), your parents can't tell if you have your eyes open or not, or if you are having a thumb war in the pew with your sister, but from home, oh no, they can see it all. My siblings and I had to come up with things like the "tie game." The tie game is when you wait for the knot of the tie of the person at the pulpit to be completely covered by the microphone.There are no winners or losers in this game. You don't even get points. You just sit, watching and waiting. With some speakers it gets so close and you are sure that it will cover the knot, but it never does, so you continue to watch and wait and then finally... there it is, no more knot.

President Thomas S. Monson

President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

and perfect example of the "tie game"

To this day my parents are still fooled by the tie game. My parents would glance over at their reverent children starring intently at the speaker on screen, and a smile would cross their faces....little did they know. Now I know what some of you are thinking, poor broke kids, playing the tie game, so sad. It is sad! Why didn't somebody tell my Mama about General Conference bingo (I just barely found out about this!).

Now this game looks like fun! When you hear a speaker say one of the words on your card, you get to put an M&M on it and the first one to get five in a row whispers bingo. See that would have helped us pay attention, even though our bingo cards would have been pencil drawn on recycled notebook paper (and by recycled I mean the backside of an already used sheet of paper), and we would have been using rocks from the yard as bingo chips (cause my Mother doesn't let us play with food). It's ok though, because now I am all grown up and I don't need gimicks to keep me interested in Conference. I am focused, I am like the Rocky of General Conference, watching, my eye is on the tiger (I don't know if that's even right... I was heavily medicated when I saw that movie). Go ahead quiz me on anything! (side note: its an open book quiz, so you can't quiz me until the November issue of the Ensign is out).

Sista Laurel

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2009-10-03T20:07:00.000-06:00

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2009-10-03T20:00:00.003-06:00

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2009-10-03T19:01:00.026-06:00

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KUTV MORMON NUDISTS NEWS STORY

2009-10-03T09:30:00.004-06:00