On the surface paying for a seat at church sounds outrageous, but outrageous is right up our alley! The Sistas weigh the pros and cons of pay-per-pew church seating.
PRO: If you pay for your seat you are more likely to show up for church. Church folk don't like to waste money.
CON: People will use not being able to afford seating as an excuse not to attend church. We can see it now, people handpicking the Sundays they can "afford" to attend; Christmas, Mother's Day, Easter.
PRO: No need to save seats. No more news stories about grown men fist fighting over church pews. Now hymn books, scriptures, jackets and diaper bags can be used for their intended purposes and not to reserve a row.
CON: Church ushers would be out of a job. No more folks in white gloves guiding you down the isle and to your seat.
CON: Church ushers would have a new job. Evicting people mid-service from their pew for missing the monthly payment. Getting your pew repoed would be mighty embarrassing.
PRO: Gets rid of the unassigned-assigned-seat-program. The one where families sit in the same seats each Sunday and regular congregation members instinctively agree to abide by the unofficially-official-chapel-seating-chart. Problems arise when instead of occupying Wall Street uniformed visitors occupy your seat.
CON: Chronically late churchgoers would no longer feel a sense of urgency to get to church if they don't run the risk of not finding a seat.
PRO: That one kid who is tasked with getting to church earlier than everyone else to save a row for the entire family can sleep in a little later.
CON: People might start trying to run side hustles like; Pimp Your Pew, then we'd start seeing pews lined with Swarovski crystals. Or Pew Now Pay Later.
PRO: At churches where the air conditioning only blows at the front of the chapel to cool the preacher off when they start to sweat cause the Spirit of God like a fire is burning, you can reserve a cool seat near the front and not have to ferociously fan your face with your church fan.
CON: At the LDS church all the front pews will be vacant while bidding wars start for the cushioned seats at the back of the chapel.
PRO: No more need for church fundraisers.
CON: You will know if your preaching is not on point, because nobody is going pay for a seat to a bad sermon.
PRO: People don't like to sleep through something they paid for.
CON: People start murmuring: If we have to pay for the pew tithing should only be 7%; My pew value went down when the Jones bought the pew next to us; Keep your cheerio crumbs in your own pew; They have no kids and bought that big ole pew in the middle row so the two of them could show off; Obviously the pastors/preachers/bishops wife should get a free pew!
Okay y'all, after careful consideration we're gonna go ahead and state that pay-per-pew is probably not a good idea, at least not in our wards. But if the system gets implemented please don't act shocked when you see us with a lil' side hustle; for a small fee we will pre-place snacks in your pew so while your soul gets fed your stomach does too!
Is seat saving a problem in your congregation? Does your ward have unassigned-assigned-seating? Are the front pews at your chapel always available?
Feast upon the Word,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel