No, Thank You! I'm Mormon
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| 1958 "Be Honest With Yourself" LDS advertisement. |
Being a gentleman, (ladies first!) Bob offers Jane a drink. Before Jane can even respond Dick yells, "No! We do not drink alcohol. We are Mormons and we believe in the Word of Wisdom." Dick then knocks the drink out of Bob's hand spilling red wine on the new tie which Bob's children lovingly handpicked from the Sears Roebuck Catalogue, and gave to him for Father's Day.
Betty, the ever prepared hostess, retrieves a bottle of club soda to offer as a drink to her sober dinner guests and use on the spilled red wine before any stains set. Bob tells Dick "not to worry" and that "Betty is a whiz at getting stains out." Bob apologizes to Dick and Jane for being unaware of Mormon customs and assures them that any offense was unintentional. Bob and Betty excuse themselves so that they can get Bob out of his soiled shirt and into a freshly pressed one, which Betty wisely had on hand in case of instances such as these.
While Bob and Betty are away Jane gives Dick a stern look. Dick tells Jane that he is "uncomfortable staying at a dinner party where "strong drink" is being served." When Bob and Betty return, Dick and Jane make a polite excuse and swiftly leave the dinner party. Bob and Betty discuss how they "never took Dick and Jane for such strange people," and decide that it must be their being Mormon that makes them so peculiar. Betty regrets inviting them over for dinner and hopes to heaven she can get the wine out of Bob's tie, because the children would be so disappointed.
Have you ever been with an LDS friend in a social setting and they act so awkwardly in a situation in which a simple "no, thank you" would be enough? You're at a restaurant and they hand you the wine list and this friend has to go into a long explanation about why you don't need it. Someone asks if you have a lighter and instead of just saying no, there's a weird stutter filled answer, or they are always complaining because there's a coffee pot in the break room. Do you ever find yourself in the situation of apologizing for the social awkwardness of Mormon friends, or are you the person that finds it difficult to navigate these social scenes?
In the 1950s the LDS church launched an advertisement campaign entitled "Be Honest With Yourself." Although the ad may be dated we think the following advice is still quite relevant:
"No, Thank You!
How should you answer the person who invites you to “take a cigarette” or “have a drink” – or do anything which is against your conscience or contrary to the teachings of your Heavenly Father?Sidenote: Is it just us, or does anyone else looking at this picture think Dick should be less worried about the drink and more worried about why Jane and Bob are gazing into each others eyes? We're just sayin.
What should you say? How much do you need to explain or apologize? When, if ever, should you compromise just a little for the sake of appearances?
The answer is easy. Just say “No – no, thank you.” Don’t waver. Don’t worry about how others may think or act. Be your own natural, honest self. Everyone admires sincerity.
If the invitation to indulge in something you don’t believe in comes from a host or hostess while you are a guest, your answer will come even easier. The obligation of courtesy is not that of the guest but of the host.
The gracious host will never press you, never question your right to be yourself in matters of conscience. He will admire you for your forthright stand.
It’s natural to want to be liked by the crowd. But compromising with principles is always wrong, often dangerous.
What is right? What is wrong? Fortunately, there are ways for members of the Church to recognize right from wrong. Read the Scriptures; listen to the teachings of your Church leaders. And listen, also, to the whisperings of that “still, small voice.” When it whispers “It’s wrong; don’t do it!” – say firmly, honestly, finally: “No, thank you – no!”
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF"
God be with you,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel
30 comments:
I think Dick should definitely be worried about Bob and Jane!
;)
PS. And I agree that explaining too much can wind up seeming self righteous. I just say, "No thanks."
I saw an interview with the Drummer of NEON TREES (Mormon Lady) who said that when you tell people you don't drink for religious reasons they give you a hard time. But if you say "I haven't had a drink in X number of years", they think you're awesome. :-)
You ladies crack me up! I think it's funny how much has changed over the years and how much a simple "No Thank You" gets noticed. My husband is in the Army and everyone knows he's Mormon. Not because he's ever knocked a drink out of someone's hand and loudly announced it, but because when the guys have a beer party, Andrew doesn't come. When they start talking about sex in a perverse manner, he walks away. He doesn't sware. Although Andrew has never publicly said that this stuff bothers him, astute people notice that there is something different about him. There are people he works with who will politly tell the others, "Oh, don't ask Moses, he won't come, he doesn't drink." or "Sorry Moses, I forgot you don't sware." Setting an example is a more powerful way of spreading the message of the gospel than proudly, loudly announcing it. If the holy spirit speaks in a still small voice, I feel we should too. :)
I agree with Autumn. I once worked for a law firm that was big on office lunches. There were only two LDS people in the group, me, and one other. It only took a few lunches before someone noticed that we weren't drinking wine. After that, they made sure there was plenty of sparkling cider on hand for us -- and we never had to say a word.
Good lesson ladies. When I worked as a server in downtown SLC, part of my job (as in if I didn't do it I could get written up) was to present wine to every table. Most of the locals would get offended, basically yell or say something like, "You should know better." Well actually, I'm just doing my job and SLC gets a lot of tourists. All the servers would say, "Why can't they just say 'No.' They don't need to get angry." If people can't be polite, they should not go out in public.
Lani YES YES YES! I'm a waiter in SLC and I get it all the time. We offer our patrons all of the options in our restaurant and we obviously don't expect them to want everything. So if we offer you the wine list, no, thank you, is all you need to say. I'm LDS and I am embarrassed every time one of my nonLDS coworkers tells me how a table of LDS guests took their head off for giving them the wine options. I've even been lectured when I offer wine to LDS people and they say "you know most of your guest are probably LDS and we don't drink wine so stop pushing it on us every time we eat here." I'll usually tell them I understand because I'm LDS too, but we do have to offer it because many of our patrons do want wine. Then they lecture me on how I should be ashamed of myself serving alcohol and if a job makes me compromise my standards I shouldn't work there. WOW! You're eating here but I can't work here. I hope people will take the sistas advice and just give a plain old no, thank you.
My husband travels for work. He says "no thank you" and when pressed-which is always when it's Italy and the house wine-he says he doesn't drink because it's "a personal preference". Business transactions are not the place to have religious discussions.
So are casual dinner parties in my opinion. I'm perfectly comfortable if my companions have a cocktail. I just don't want one thanks. I need to find a virgin alternative to order that will put them at ease too.
However, my UT family disagrees. Vehemently.
My daughter was dating a nice boy from ya'lls church, he came over to the house to visit and I offered him some sweet tea and my daughter nearly lost her mind. Right in front of him she says don't you know anything about Mormons. He doesn't drink tea, why don't you just offer him a gate to hell. I was so embarrassed and felt so ignorant that I've never had a Mormon in my home again. When it's hot outside and I see those nice boys on their bicycles I won't even offer them a glass of water because I'm afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing. I told my daughter that if she ends up joining ya'lls church please don't bring them to my house. I would be a nervous wreck.
On those rare occasions where the issue comes up, I simply say something like "A Diet Coke would be fine" or something similar depending on what the options are, and I've never been pressed on the issue.
There's no need to make something a bigger deal than it is. Jesus drank (and created!) wine, after all, so it's not like there's anything inherently immoral about it.
How fun was that post; I loved it. We have been in many social situations when we have had to politely tell them no. I think it has become a little easier to do just that. Years ago we went to some faterity parties and after a couple of them; our friend who drank protected us from those serving drinks. I think the saddest part of it all is that it could have been a good missionary moment or at least continue to be friends with the couple.
Google is still having a problem with comments so I am anonymous today.
Living Waters by LeAnn
It's cool when non-Mormon friends have your back. One time I was at an work function and the bartender was giving me a hard time because I didn't want any alcohol. My coworker, who is not a member of the LDS faith, told him to leave me alone and that it wasn't weird that I didn't want a drink. I think most people don't really care as long as you aren't shoving your non-drinking down their throat constantly.
#8 Anon
You should tell your daughter to chill out. You were just being kind and polite by offering him some sweet tea. It may not have been his thing, but it isn't hard to say, "No thanks, but I'd love some water."
I am not offended when people offer me sweet tea or coffee, rather I appreciate their hospitality even though I don't accept. Most Mormons I know feel this way. It isn't like you were holding the boy down and pouring it in his mouth.
I thought you were going to advise readers to tell friends beforehand that they don't drink...like way before a social occasion that might lend itself to...oh, I don't know, a neighbor gifting you a bottle of wine. We have been given so many bottles of wine as gifts for Christmas open houses and such...and I always feel like a jerk in that situation...Most of the time I just take it and set it aside and regift it...but I feel like the rude one for not filling them in ahead of time!
I agree with ANON #8- I am NEVER offended when people offer me something I don't eat or drink. Seriously, how can anyone be expected to know the ins and outs of someone elses tenant of faith? I have a friend who's Jewish and I was so embarassed when I didn't even consider the fact that she needed kosher food. She was very polite about it though and just thanked me for thinking about it and then we found something else for her to eat. :)
Jocelyn I'm in the same boat as you. We get a lot of neighborhood wine baskets at holiday time and we have no idea how to announce to the neighbors that we don't drink. We re-gift them too.
I have had similar experiences. Since my husband is a convert and his whole family drinks, we are very good at just a polite "no thank you". I have found that politeness goes a long way toward acceptance. I really am uncomfortable when I am with people who think they have to explain everything.
I don't remember what General authority said this years ago but he said, often we are put in situation where other around us may be drinking ie: a business trip, award ceremony etc... order Milk or something that can not be mistaken for alcohol. I am guess the point was, this way you should never be mis-judged for drinking with others. Well I was on a trip and ordered Cranberry juice, trying to be healthy, unbeknownst to me people often mix with cranberry juice, by the time the drinks cam I had switched chairs with someone to be closer to the person I was talking to. Luckily someone corrected the drink situation, and gave me a heads up, before I drank the wrong drink. Milk would have come in handy.
Okay... I know this is my third response to me and the Sista's are probably going to ban me pretty soon, but I just remembered a HILLARIOUS story from President Kimball. He had been invited to some event in Washington where there were some dignitaries, but also some members. At the end of the meal they served rum cake and everyone watched President Kimball to see what he would do. He smiled a big smile and ate the cake. After the event someone asked him, "President Kimball, how come you ate the cake? It has RUM in it!" to which he laughed and said, "The Word of Wisdom says we can't DRINK alcohol, it doesn't say anything about EATING it."
A former colleague of mine would always give me a bottle of wine for Christmas. I'd thank him for the gift and then give the bottle to my non-member mother.
In fact, as a wine drinker from my pre-church days, I would buy him a bottle for Christmas as well as he was something of a connoisseur and I still like to think of myself as having an eye for a nice Merlot.
I'm not surprised that Jane is eyeing up Bob in the picture. I'm sure having a husband as uptight as Dick would leave her unsatisfied in a number of areas. He certainly lives up to his name.
Pedantic correction for Autumn Moses in previous comment: It was David O. McKay who was served and ate the rum cake.
I just discovered your blog and I've spent the last half hour reading your posts and laughing. You ladies are awesome!
We've had some foreign exchange students who have brought us bottles of wine. We thank them, then put the bottles in the top of the pantry. We still have the bottles! They're 15 years old! I think of the story of when the Nephites gave the Lamanite guards strong wine then escaped. I'm thinking we may be able to use the wine for that purpose. Ya just never know. I better get a cork screw!
Jocelyn and Sara you all need to find the nosiest neighbor and let them know that you don't drink and they'll get out to the rest of the neighborhood.
Like many of you have you have shared in your comments actions speak louder than words. And Autumn we don't have a comment limit, we have big mouths and welcome chatter!
LDSBishop You might be right about Dick, Jane and Bob, we knew something was going on there...haha.
A friend and I were in a ski lodge lounge area and asked how much the hot chocolate was, when the bartender told us it was $4 we said no thanks and continued to chat by the fire.
5 minutes later the bartender walks up with two beautiful hot chocolates and says 'they're on the house' as I began to sip the chocolate confection the bartender then said, "I put a little something extra in them for you" I pursed my lips together and said, "mmm...nutmeg?" He chucked "no, kalua and baileys" I smiled, and thanked him. My friend and I then casually walked to the bathroom and dumped out the hot chocolate, with no witnesses. As we left ski lodge lounge we expressed our thanks again for his thoughtfulness- and that was my first and only taste of alchol- we thought it was hilarious.
I also say, "No, thank you." Most people today don't ask why not--they used to when I was younger--due to the number of people who don't drink due to previous alcoholism. They probably think I'm a recovering alcoholic and don't want to embarrass me.
I once went to a business party and someone said, "We remembered you're a Mormon and we remembered there are things Mormons can't drink, but we couldn't remember what they were, so we bought just about every drink we could think of hoping you're allowed to have one of them." Most people, if they know, are pretty nice about it.
So true, we have to stay true to what we believe:)
Thanks for a great post.
It looks like she's talking to Cary Grant. Can we really blame Jane for being mesmerized? :)
I find myself a Mormon apologist (and I live in the SLC area). If I get into a conversation with someone and they ask, I find myself wanting to say, "Yes, I'm LDS, but not one of the weird ones." I'm not going to yell at some poor server who's just doing their job, or make a scene at a restaurant. Gimme a break.
Sorry.. I meant David O McKay... I had the right picture in my head... but the wrong name came out...LOL
Oh my goodness - just found your blog and am LOVING it. Well said in this post... and I got a good chuckle out of the last sentence about Jane and Bob staring into each other's eyes. Love it!
YOU GIRLS MAKE ME LAUGH TILL THE TEARS RUN FREELY! THANKS!
Haahahaaaa! Just ran across your blog by accident and am BOOKMARKIN' this one!! You two are the real deal. As a fellow "Mo" I can SO RELATE! Keep 'em comin'.
love. it.
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