Diary of a Mad Black Mormon
Dear Diary, today I was chased in an LDS Temple. It startled me because the temple is a very reverent place where people aren't usually speed walking. I didn't recognize the woman at all, so I picked up my pace and I tried to get to where I was going as fast as I could. When the out of breath woman finally caught up to me she said, "How do you say welcome in Ghana?" You know that song, I Stand All Amazed...well I was standing there...in the temple... looking at her... all kinds of amazed! "I don't know," I finally said. She started telling me a story about somebody in her family, who is or was going on a mission to Africa, I'm not really sure because I was too stunned to process correctly. What made this probably nice and usually sane lady ask me that?
Dear Diary, today I attended an LDS singles ward dance. I was doing my thang and having a great time when this overly confident young man approached me and asked me to dance. While we were dancing he said, "You know why I asked you to dance?" "Because I'm one of the few girls here with rhythm," I said. "No," he said "I want to touch your hair." Now, I know that Mormon guys can be awkward, but this dude was way past that. "Excuse me," I said. "Oh no, it's cool," he said "One of my mission companions was black and he had the coolest hair, I use to rub his head all the time, but I've never touched a black girls hair, and I..." That’s all I heard, as I was walking away.
Dear Diary, today I was at the swimming pool and this man kept staring at me. Finally he came over to me and said "Where are you from?" I named a city and state, but then he said, "No, I mean where are your people from?" "Oh," I said and then told him the state my people were from. "No, I mean before that," he said. Now I was getting frustrated so I said, "Before that they were probably on somebody’s plantation, and before that they were on a boat, before that they were probably somewhere in Africa, before that the pre-existence, look what's it to you.” You’re from Nigeria,” he said, “I served my mission there, and you look just like the people there." He was grinning from ear to ear, and I was picturing myself pushing him into the pool.
Dear Diary, today I attended General Conference at the Conference Center with my family. An older couple walked up to us and the wife said, "Can I please give you a hug?" Before I could answer she wrapped her arms around me and started crying. She then began hugging each of my family members in turn. We were very scared and hoped some of the men walking around in black suits were secret service agents. Her husband said that they had just returned home from serving as senior missionaries in St. Louis. They had served in the poor areas and seeing our family had caused them to be overcome with great joy because we reminded them of the people in St. Louis who they had come to know and love.
Brothas and Sistas, we aren’t really mad, and we know that people from all cultures have experiences like these with missionaries who have served in their neck of the woods. Usually after the initial shock and embarrassment wear off, we get a really good kick out of it. We were just wondering is there a class they could teach in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) that would cover what not to do, say or ask people who look like they could be from where you served your mission…lol!
Have a blessed day,
Sista Beehive & Sista Laurel
41 comments:
Haha! This is great. I'm a white boy from Dallas and I served in Japan. Growing up in the south, I learned quick not to touch the race subject unless it was brought up (no one was asking me where I was originally from!). After my mission, I didn't come home and start asking every Asian person where they were from (I learned to tell the difference between Koreans, Chinese, Vietnamese, and Japanese), but when I heard someone speaking in Japanese I'm guilty of having stopped to try to talk to the perfect stranger... Until I got married. Then my wife set me straight.
At least you have a sense of humor about it! :) I wonder if I have ever said anything "Dear Diary" inspiring.
Sheesh. I'm not sure I would be as charitable as you are.
But I'm am certainly learning from your example.
=)
As a white woman, I've been a bystander to such situations, and I always want to slap somebody up the side of the head! I agree with Emily and Sue. I'm glad you have a sense of humor, and I'm not sure I would be as charitable.
Ugh. People serve their missions around pasty white folks like me, but no one needs to hug me over it or ask me dumb questions! I don't know what to say other than I'm embarrassed for these crazy folks.
Guilty!!!!!! I just got home from my mission in Agrentina and I have been walking up to strangers and speaking Spanish. At Walmart, the gas station, everywhere. I even attended a Spanish speaking branch where I don't know anyone. When people asked my who I was visiting or why I was there I told them I felt at home there because I just returned from Argentina. Now after reading this I am sure they think I'm an idiot. It's so weird being home and I want that mission feeling and I am so excited to talk about my mission and speak Spanish and bear my testimony in Spanish and impress Latina girls with my Spanish. Hopefully I haven't made to big a fool of my self yet, glad I read your article.
Wow, these kinds of experiences make me wonder how those missionries were in the field. And if they were that bad, the fact that the work continues to progress truly is a miracle. My parents had some awkward missionaries in their ward recently and it made me think that an hour a day in the MTC of social etiquette would be a good idea.
We all have areas for improvement. Unfortunately for some, the weaknesses are more public and can hurt others.
hola shane we at the spanish branch are used to the gringo missionaries coming to church and being a little weird its not just you
I tend to obsess about my own social interactions and tact with people around me. I just cringed throughout that entire post.
Oh my goodness. I hope this o.k. to say but you guys need to hook up with friend Donna. I am not sure where her people come from but she has many stories very similar to this and she cracks me up just like you guys do. http://domesticbelladonna.blogspot.com/
I am going to go over to her and beg her to join your blog. She is the funniest person I know.
I have been raised in the church so for many years I was the only "black girl" some people knew. When I was a teenager I had dear friends defend me and speak up for me saying I'm not a constant investigator of the church. But I was spoiled during those years I know it.
I am now in a wonderful interracial marriage which for some reason gives distance cousins a pass at staring at me or my children. I've been asked about hair, cooking, my genealogy(if I've done it and if I know my ancestry). I have so been in your shoes. Heaven helps us please!
Dear diary,
One day my husband will be able to laugh about such ignorant situations. One day people will realize that my family is not different just because we are one of the few families that have a different skin tone. One day members of the church will realize that my husband is not a trophy just because they can say “hey look…..the church is diverse” because my husband and children happen to be the ONLY black people in the EVERY ward we’ve been in. One day the ignorance of others will not keep my husband away from serving in the church again. One day diversity will flood God’s church. Until then….I pray for patience. I love this blog. Very inspiring!!
I was talking to a friend recently about this same topic... the grocery store is the worst.
My favorite was being asked, "What are you?"
Thank you for the laugh.
Ummm... you want to touch my hair? Well, alright but you should be careful you might catch my black from it... Some of "my people" can be such Morons. *sigh* I would have said, "Where are your people from? The island of thoughtless remarks?"
You just gave James and I a good laugh for the day. Thanks!
Oh, I am so sorry!! It makes me really sad when people can be so thoughtless. I will never understand that behavior. I am pretty sure they were taught different. I have been in plenty of wards with diverse memberships. I always loved it because it teaches the kids that every single person is a child of God. I loved the time when we went to a Tongan brach. My boys were acting up (as usual) And that big Tongan man behind us just reached over the bench right in the middle of Sacrament and bopped them on the head!!! First ward I was ever in that lived by the saying "it takes a village to raise a child". Loved your post today, but I am ashamed that anyone would behave that way.
Reading the comments was almost as good as reading the post :)
The first neighborhood we lived in in Arkansas (where I grew up) was a "mixed" neighborhood. We moved in and it was mixed. Heh. That's how my Canadian father tells it.
My oldest brother was 4 when my folks moved to Arkansas (into their "mixed" 'hood) and he went up to the first black kid he saw and asked if his skin was made of chocolate. (he had never seen a black person before, since he had only lived in Utah and Canada)
It's a lot cuter when kids say stuff like that. When adults say that kid of stuff, you just want to punch them.
I never thought black kids were any different than me, since I was raised in the city. I was raised around all different types of people, and it is my desire to raise my family the same way - people of all color, nationality, religion, socioeconomic status, age, ability etc.
When we were in the process of buying our home, some of our well-meaning LDS, military friends said "Hey, you should buy a house out where we bought our house - it's a neighborhood of young (LDS, white, military) families (just like us!)." I told my husband over my dead body. I don't want to raise my kids around a bunch of other white Mormon middle-class young families (the blind leading the blind?). The neighborhood we live in is much more diverse - it's an older neighborhood, so there are young people as well as empty nesters, older families, rich people, poor people, Mexicans, Asians, Mormons, Catholics, Lutherans, Baptists, etc. (sorry, still not many black folks in Utah - but there are some pretty dark Brazilians ;) does that count?)
And this post is exactly why I feel that way.
No way in heck is my kid ever going to ask to feel a black person's hair. Or tell a black person they are from Nigeria. And they will DEFINITELY not give a black person a hug because that person reminded them of the "poor" people they served on their mission... seriously? That one was just... sad.
Those are quite the comments. I've been at the other end though. I lived in a predominately black neighborhood in the South. I was outside our apartment building with a two month old blond baby. I was talking to a niece (about 10) of one of my neighbors. The was admiring the baby and asked innocently, "When is he going to get his color?" I think I answered something like, "He isn't out in the sun much." It took a little bit to realize what she had asked. When I figured it out and she wasn't around, I laughed up a lung. On a number of occasions young African-American children would come up to my fuzzy-topped blond-haired baby and touch his hair. I thought it was cute.
On another occasion I had an African American man say to me, "You white people all look alike." OK.
The nerve of some people! You are very tolerant. And I have to say, I love your humor...very much!:)
Sistas, you make me laugh! Thank you for having a sense of humor!
As a blonde missionary in Korea I had people come up to me all the time wanting to touch my hair. It was a little creepy, but it cracked me up!
I live in Canada, near Vancouver, so it is pretty diverse in this area, but not as much in the town I'm in. I love how some people ask me: Do you speak Mexican? I have to kindly remind them that I speak Spanish and that no, I am not from Mexico but rather from Central America. Not everybody that speaks Spanish is from Mexico. Our first year of high school my sister and I were called "burrito ladies" by this boy, but we were really the first Hispanic kids he'd ever met. By the end of the year, it was a nickname I didn't mind. So funny!
It is sad that some LDS members are making you feel like this, but I like to think it is just ignorance, lack of experience. Obviously, good manners should still prevail, no matter what. I do love how the church is making an effort on their magazines to include members from other countries, letting us see how truly diverse the church is getting. It makes me happy that the gospel is spreading as predicted. It would be nice to not be the only active Hispanic member in my ward, but I'm happy to expose the bros and sisters to my culture, and open their eyes a bit more. :)
Thanks for sharing, and for showing that one can still be charitable even when faced with some ridiculous experiences. As always, you have cracked me up.
Oh man, this post made me laugh out loud but also made me a little annoyed in your defense! Haha! Hope it doesn't happen again (fingers crossed...)
Wow. So embarrassed for the people who do this stuff. Hilarious post.
I love this. Truly, you have a gift for writing and telling a story, be it what it may--but I love your stories, they make me laugh, they make my day.
We get this everywhere! My daughter is severely disabled, in a pink wheelchair with sparkly light up shoes. Despite all our attempts to provide people age appropriate topics (stickers, pink, shoes) people insist on treating her like she is a burden to me.
I've gotten this at the gas station, in hotels, at rest stops, stores, church, and even at the all ages therapy. Now, you might think this isn't quite what you're talking about. But sistas! She's a smart little sista. Sassy too. I swear if she could talk to some of these people their ears would burn and their faces turn red. She's steaming mad if I don't tell them off too.
I walk the line. It's hard, and sometimes I just want to explode. But, we all gotta do our best. I suggest an MTC class entitled:
Empathy, Express it With Silence
or
Compassion, Best Served With an Open Mind
or
Connections Are About Listening, Not Telling; a Course in Human Relations
Trying Not to Be Mad,
JBS ;)
I enjoyed reading about your experiences and I loved your humor. I love your pictures and I can see that you are both just beautiful. I think you handled the situation with a loving heart.
Indeed they should have a class at the MTC to teach what to say and not say.
Blessings to you!
You're such good sports. A good sense of humor, which y'all obviously have, is the best weapon against ignorance.
(Love your blog!)
Several things.
1. Where have the two of you been all my life? This blog is AWESOME. I love it. I'm very, very glad I found it.
2. All right, I'm actually blushing with shame as I share my "Dear Diary"-worthy mishap post with you. It's a bad one. Really really really really really bad. (Cringes)
Racism..
3. Your pseudonyms are very clever.
In closing, I am now a devoted follower of your work. I might even become a little obsessed.
HILARIOUS as always.
Thank you all for sharing Dear Diary moments you had, Diary moments you may have caused...lol, and for cringing, but best of all for laughing with us. The comments are the best!
Hi girls - I have rubbed shoulders at Genesis with you. We live in Australia now and I have 3 beautiful children all very close in age the first and third children are adopted and one day in the grocery store a woman walked up to me and said "Are they all yours?" I looked at this woman and I said
"Yes but they all have different daddies"
she just stared as I smiled and walked away.
Nobody is asking you if all your kids are yours, mind your own and just admire my beautiful family as you walk by. :o)
Thanks for the posts, I will pass the word out on your site.
@Brittany You girl, nice comeback! People can ask the craziest questions, your response is awesome...haha.
LOVED THIS POST! I had to share this with my husband. It so reminds me of things said to, or asked of, him. Not only is he black, but he is *gasp* a REAL, LIVE African. So he gets a LOT of goofy questions and comments about that, too.
One day after Sunday School, an older man came up to him and asked, "Are you a Watusi?"
"A what?"
"A Watusi. You know, one of those tribeS who were killing each other off. I was looking at you and I told my wife, I think he might be a Watusi. He looks like he could be a Watusi."
"Uh, no."
Evidently, the man was trying to ask if my husband was from Rwanda-- he's not. I just think that was an odd way to do it!
But my husband often likes to totally deadpan ridiculous answers to questions about his home country. It is funny to see what people will believe... but also a little sad!
There is hope!
As a veteran of the Pacific Theater in World War II, my uncle was very prejudiced against all Asians and most people from the South Pacific. When he and his wife were called to Indonesia, we about died 'cause his prejudices were just as strong in the 1990's as they were in the 1940's. By the end of his mission, he had figured out that people are the same everywhere and his prejudices and behaviors came from having too little exposure to other cultures and races. By the end of his mission, he could hold civil, acceptable discourse with anyone from anywhere in the world (something that would have been nearly impossible for him before his mission).
The point is, people are not perfect and most will eventually figure out there's not an "us" and "them," but that there's just "us," the descendants of Adam and Eve. Until that happens, just grin and bear it and feel privileged to help move these people to a bit more normal state of mind.
i could post a similar blog about growing up with a mother from mexico...about how people like her but she is the exception, most mexicans are trashy. about how because my mother has an accent people immediately start (condescendingly) speaking spanish to her assuming she understands spanish better. and my favorite--as a child people asking her if she is babysitting my blue-eyed sister in the shopping cart. nice.
Here is my experience as a Chinese person married to a white guy of pioneer stock. In the temple, the nice older lady asked me for my now pioneer-stock last name. I told her, and with a surprised look on her face, she said "that's an unusual name for someone like you!".
I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. I CAN SEE BY YOUR PHOTOS THAT YOU ARE HAPPY “SISTAS”, AND TWO SPECIAL SPIRITS.
Hahaha! I just happened by chance to come across your page and died laughing knowing exactly what you mean...well not exactly. (I am not black...) But! I am from the east coast and have many LDS friends that are and I have been with them when these things happen. Way to have a great sense of humor. Although I guess I can sort of relate: I am a red head and when I go into a Latino community....I get a whole lot of stuff.
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I am not Mormon but I have shared many of the same experiences. I lived in Warsaw, IN for awhile where I was one of 5 black people in the entire city. The Amish were simply fascinated by me. I experienced the hair touching ritual, the surprise and awe, when my hair did not feel like steel wool. I was a bit of a dissappointment when I could not supply an original African dish at a social event. I think the Sweet Potato Pie and the introduction to southern cusine at a later event made up for it. I'm Lutheran and traveled an hour and half each way to go to Church in Ft. Wayne, IN or Valparasio, IN where there was a Lutheran college. To my surprise, even some fellow Lutherans who had been sheltered, or who came from small towns jumped on the wide-eyed awestruck bandwagon. Never once has any of this angered me. I must admit I overcame some misconceptions of others myself, especially in relation to the Amish community.
The funniest moments for me, generally occurred between myself and some white men that I dated, surprise I like Billy Joel and Jon Bon Jovi, yes, I too knew every word of the Elton John songs at the concert, what do I eat "steak, on top of steak, stuffed with steak" unless there is a lobster or cornished hen and wild rice hanging around. LOL- these poor men-if I had a dollar for everytime I heard, "my godness, you are no different then dating a white girl" . People, you have to love them.
I really like your blog. I'm a white return missionary (from a million years ago) and I can't believe that people actually do the things you say. It's great that you are so patient with them.
This is my all time favorite blog. We are all such idiots at times! Me, worst of all. I'd tell you about the time that I made an actor -Scot Glen of Silverado fame(Oh come on! it's not that old! Best western movie ever!) Anyway I made him spell his name for me so I could tell my husband who was on my plane.
I'm Scot Glen, He said
What?
Scot Glen.
Scot Clen??
No, Scot Glenn. G L E N N!
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