Woe is Me

Do you know Job? Have you ever been so consumed with your problems and personal concerns that it seemed there was no immediate relief in sight? Well, these past few months I have been going through some growing pains, which I have spent more time laboring over and stressed about then I care to admit. I'm usually a pretty faithful and positive person. However when I'm going through those dark alleys of life, I can get a little paranoid and crazy. I was feeling judged and misunderstood by people I trusted. Family relationships that I thought were secure were being altered due to exaggerated stories and some out right lies. I had almost reached that point of insanity where I begin asking myself if God had turned on me, I wondered if He was out to get me. I was feeling a little like Job. I know it's a bit of an exaggeration (yes, it must run in the family).

No, I didn't have seven thousand sheep burned because fire fell from Heaven. The Chaldeans didn't fall upon my three thousand camels. I don't even know what a Sabean looks like, so they sure didn't touch my asses or my oxen. I can't even imagine nor do I want to think about losing my entire family in a tornado or anything else. Nevertheless I was feeling like I was experiencing one trial after another with no safe haven or form of protection. While I was traveling down this road of self pity, feeling sorry for myself, I did what most of us were taught to do, I searched the scriptures for answers.

Why, why, why did I do that? Have you ever read Job? OMG'ness, Job had it all! He was referred to as a just and perfect man. He was blessed with great riches, and was respected by everyone in the community.
God loved Job, He trusted Job, He knew Job. Now this is where the story takes on a unique shape. All this was taking place during a time when the sons of God would go and present themselves to God our Heavenly Father; you know I was a little shocked to read that Satan was among them. Yep, when the sons of God presented themselves Satan (our brother) was among them. Side note: Satan had a personal relationship with God even after he got the boot!! The thought of this was so deep, I have a whole blog dedicated to the topic. To make a long story short, Satan was given the green light to tempt and to try Job. He could touch all that Job had, yet he wasn't to touch Job.

Job was a man who faced some terrible and depressing situations. His children were killed. His servants were killed. His livestock destroyed. All of this happened in one day. A messenger went to Job to tell him that the Sabeans took away the oxen and asses and killed all of his servants except the one delivering the message. While the servant was delivering the message, another servant came, to tell Job, that all of his sheep were burned. While he was still speaking another servant came with a message that the Chaldeans took all of Jobs camel and had killed his servants. As if that weren't enough, Job received another message that must have been devastating. Job was informed that there had been a tornado and everyone was killed -- the servants, all of his children (7 sons and 3 daughters), there was one surviver - a servant the one delivering the message. Job's response to the events that had happened that day was:

Job 1: 21: Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." With everything that Job endured, he blessed the name of the Lord.

As for my situation ... Yes! I did feel "salty" and ungrateful among other things. Just when I was ready to stop feeling sorry for myself, I allowed Satan access. But that was then. I'm going through my own trauma, not as severe; nonetheless, no less traumatic. I'm entitled to my feelings! Right? If you said Amen to that, you need to run to the nearest priesthood leader, pastor, reverend, somebody, anybody (more righteous then you) and get a good long blessing.

Some of us would think that would have been it. God won (of course) Satan lost, the end. However, Satan wasn't done with our brotha Job. Not wanting to admit he had lost, Satan again went with the sons of God to present himself (still I'm shocked). The Lord's response was: Job 2:3-6

3: "And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and bescheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause."
4: "And Satan answered the Lord, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life."
5: "But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face."
6: "And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life."

What? Did the Lord really just give Satan permission to do whatever to Job, except kill him? I'm so happy this wasn't a movie! I would have been that annoying person talking back to the movie screen. Unbelievable! Why Lord, I really hope the Lord don't have that kind of faith in me.
Job was then struck with painful boils on his entire body. He said his brothas and friends were estranged from him. Family and friends had forgotten him. His servants wouldn't answer his calls. Children even despised him and talked about him. His breath was strange to his wife (I know what you are thinking, and I'm gonna pray for y'all ). Talk about a fall from grace. Job had lost everything and I’m sure he was tempted to completely give up and turn his back on God. His wife even told him to just curse God and die because he was in such a pitiful state. But Job didn’t do that. While he did go through a time of complaining and questioning, he never gave up on God. Wow, what to say? My life ain't so bad, actually my life is good and I am blessed. Even in his moments of self pity, he didn't really complain. I wish I could pretend that I wouldn't have been in a full on windmilling (you remember those fights you and your little sistas and brothas used to have back in the day) kind of fight -- with the Lord. I'm not even going to tempt the Lord and ask for the type of faith that Job had ... because that Brothas and Sistas would mean that I would have to go through something similar to what Job went through.

I know that we all go through life's storms. I know that we are having the experiences that we are supposed to have. Who didn't want to be Job prior to him going through his version of the garden of Gethsemane? Who would have traded places with him when he was going through the refiner’s fire? Who stood with him during his moment of hell? We all want to have what Job had, yet we wouldn't have wanted to go through what Job went through.

Yes, I'm clear! I'm not going through anything remotely close to what Job went through. I know that I was having a moment, now, it's over. My Sistas and friends stood with me during my trials (I probably shouldn't even call what I've experienced a trial or test). I know that I am loved! I know that God is real! I know that my relationship with Him is real! And, I know that He knows me. He knows me!! I know me. He knows me because I'm having the type of experiences that I can live with, and not those of Job. I know that He loves me because in my moment of insanity I was reminded that He had provided for me an umbrella, a shelter from the storm, Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. Part of Jesus' atoning love and sacrifice was that during moments of loneliness and hopelessness we would remember to turn to him. There aren't any quick fixes, but through him all things can be restored beyond what even we can imagine.

Your Sista in the Gospel,
Sista Beehive