Utah Govenor Speaks Ebonics

Before we get started, let me just say if you know Governor Gray Herbert, you don't have to call him to check the validity of this story. Just trust me on this one…

I belong to a group that gets to have an audience with the Governor here in Utah to discuss some of Utah's many achievements, as well as a few of our issues. Let me give a shout out to our Governor right now.

**Real Talk: I love Governor Herbert. Yes, he is all that and a bag of chips! If I had a **"Ghetto Pass” I’d give it to him. However, I don't have one to give away so I won't. Which is probably better for our Governor, because he’d probably take it literally instead of figuratively. Then we'd all be in trouble, when we turned on the TV and seen our Governor getting the shake down in Compton. While at the same time trying to explain to my cousin Lil Snappy that he's alright because someone gave him a "Ghetto Pass". Messing around with ya’ll I’ve gotten side tracked. Ya'll know that I can't stay focused for long, and it don't take much to distract me.

Anyways, one of the presenters is more than a little mischievous. She is a doctor, and she can communicate in several languages other than, English. However, English and Ebonics are the only two languages I speak fluently. Having said that let me tell you about “The Doc”.

Doc was the first presenter. Her presentation was on health care issues in Utah. Doc caught us all off guard, by first announcing that she was going to walk around as she presented (not typically done at these types of gatherings).

While speaking to Governor Herbert, my wonderful friend went from being a graceful refined doctor to an around the way girl from the hood. I didn't know Doc had it in her (well, actually I did). I just didn't think she would break it down like that for the Governor.

Why did the Doc say to the Governor that something or someone was "Hot as Fish Grease"? Why? I don't have the answer either!

What did our Governor do you ask? He just nodded and jokingly said "fish grease", like he understood - you know? Like he spoke the language!

Was my friend and sista done? Oh Heaven No! As she continued to walk she said, “Gov, I got a little somethin', somethin' for ya". Yes, she did! She said "a little somethin' somethin' for ya"! Wow, I was so confused. Usually some of ya'll (you know who you are) be acting like you don't understand. You be asking questions like, "What? Um excuse me? Can you repeat that?" Not our Governor, he said "you got a little somethin' somethin' for me?" with his hand extended as he took the gift that Doc had for him. Doc gave the Governor a pedometer so that he could track the number of steps he took daily.

It’s probably not shocking for some of you, but for me it was very fascinating to watch. Stop playing, ya'll know I'm Mormon, and you know I live in Utah! It's been a **minute since I've been given the opportunity to just break it down the way I wanted to. And I most certainly haven't had the opportunity to break it down in mixed company (don't act shocked and you know what I’m talking ‘bout)! You know the more comfortable you get with a person the more comfortable your language is. **Fo’sho

Yes, I think Utah's Governor is great! Yes, Utah's Governor speaks several languages (well, I'm not really sure if that's a true statement). Fo'sho Utah's Governor speaks Ebonics, no translator needed!!

Brothas and Sistas the moral to this story isn’t so much that Utah has the most Fab Governor (even though we do). Nor is it that Utah has the most diverse Doctors in the United States (again a true statement)! The moral to this story is serving a mission for the church turns Boys into Men, and Girls into Women. Missions create opportunities for people to step outside of their comfort zones, and really receive the gift of speaking in tongues. I’m sure this (speaking Ebonics) is just one of the many talents Governor Herbert learned while serving a mission in the Eastern Atlantic States. However, this is one of the few unique qualities that our Governor possesses. Do you know your political leaders? Do they speak a language that you understand, I mean really understand or do you need a translator? Share your brush with the political high life in your area.


Real talk = all barriers aside, just a conversation between you and another person.

Ghetto Pass = a pass that allows you free access to enter the ghetto, much like a key to the city.

Fo’sho = For Sure, alright, okay

Minute = more than a minute, when someone says a minute it could mean a few extra minutes, hour or more, or even a few days - maybe even a year. It just depends on who it’s coming from.

Sista Beehive

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I Can't I'm Mormon

One of the common things I’m asked about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is, do I find it difficult to be a member of such a strict religion. People often say to me, there are a lot of nice things about your church, but I don’t think I could give up all the fun stuff. I think that I have a lot of fun, so I always ask, what is that you think Mormons can’t do?

Sex, Sex, Sex! This is usually number one on the list. Without going into too much detail, I assure them that I have A LOT of sex. One of the Mormon stereotypes is that we all have tons of kids. Well, I don’t want to give the birds and the bees talk right now, but how can we be baby makers and sex deprived at the same time? I can’t have non-marital sexual relations. Funny thing is most religions teach this. I usually ask what religion they are and most of the time they agree that their religion teaches this too, “but it’s not like the pastor will do something to me they’ll say”. I’m not sure what non-Mormons envision, but there are no bedroom police in the LDS Church. Among the many church callings you can receive, that does not happen to be one of them. No one runs into the bedroom, or knocks on your fogged-up car window and says GOTCHA! No one stands at the pulpit and says would the congregation please shun Brother or Sister so and so, they were caught engaging in yada yada. Relax, there are no scarlet A’s to be worn.

I can’t drink alcohol; any of you that think Mormons should drink have never been to a function with my Mother-in-law’s side of the family. Attend just one and you’ll be asking us all to blow and pee on a stick! The good part is we’ll all probably come up clean, bad news, that doesn’t explain what we’re high on. (I could also refer to some Utah drivers not needing alcohol to swerve all over the road, but I won't). I can’t smoke; personally I wouldn’t smoke even if I were not a member of the LDS faith.

I can’t: caffinate, tattoo, look at porn, watch R-rated movies, wear fashionable clothing, pierce, swear, gamble, lie, cheat, steal, the list goes on and on. It’s not actually that Mormons can’t do these things, because I myself am not perfect, and believe me there are Mormons who do all of the above, but it’s a matter of choice. There are certain things that faithful members of the LDS church choose not to do and there are many, many people of different faiths and beliefs who also choose to refrain from some of these things. So like Sista Beehive said the other day, it shouldn’t be I can’t I’m Mormon, it should be I won’t I’m Mormon.

Ok, so I won’t be the chick who got drunk last night, gambled away all my money, woke up in some random dudes apartment, can’t find my tube top or my belly button ring, for some odd reason has random dude’s name tattooed on my arm, has an undetected STD, dude where’s my car, with a #1 hit on Youtube cause random dude taped it all, but know that it was my choice, so don’t you dare blame me for missing out on all that fun on the LDS church.

Sista Laurel

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Will A Man Rob God?

Malachi 3:8
Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

Will a man rob God? I heard this every Sunday for the first 12 years of my life. I always knew when it was time to dig deep and produce what ever change my mother put in my squishy red plastic wallet, as the deacons passed the offering tray around. I also knew to only put a few coins at a time so that each time the tray came down the aisle I would have something to give. I always felt terrible when I had nothing to give.

Shortly after joining the LDS church my parents decided they would return to our family church (Pentecostal). Although they felt they should return to the pentecostal church, they allowed me to continue to attend the LDS church. Every Sunday my parents would drop me off at the ward building, and they always made sure I had a few dollars for the offering tray - a couple of times I even got twenty dollars! YEP... I said they gave me money for the offering tray.

Remember I was only 12, so I did what most 12 year olds would have done, I pocketed the money. What? I never asked for money for the offering tray, my mother assumed that the LDS church collected offerings and tithing like some of the other churches did. My parents always told me never to assume anything! "When you assume" they'd say. "you make an "a&&" out of "u" and me. I guess that doesn't apply in a situation like this?

In the LDS church, tithing is more of an honor code thing, those who are going to pay it will and those who aren't won't. Nobody is beaten over the head with how much we give or needed to raise for the day. Unlike the church I had grown up in, where if not enough was collected, we kept passing around the tray until the desired amount was reached. At the LDS church, there was no preacher that was going to get up every Sunday and ask the thought provoking question "Will a Man Rob God"? So I justified my actions by conducting my Sunday transactions like a military officer. "Don't ask, don't tell". My parents never asked if I paid offerings. My Bishop never asked me if I would "rob God" so I continued to justify my actions. It was easy and I was rich, until that "Great and Dreadful Day".

Zephaniah 1:14-18
The Great Day Of The Lord:
14: The great day of the Lord is near, it is near, and hasteth greatly, even the voice of the day of the Lord: the mighty man shall cry there bitterly.
15: That day is a day of wrath, a day of trouble and distress, a day of wasteness and desolation, a day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness,
16: A day of the trumpet and alarm against the fenced cities, and against the high towers.
17: And I will bring distress upon men, that they shall walk like blind men, because they have sinned against the Lord: and their blood shall be poured out as dust, and their flesh as the dung.

The day started off like any other day. School was great, the walk home was typical. As I approached my house I was excited to see that the missionaries had stopped by. When I walked in the house the energy in our home seemed a little weird. Everyone looked like they were going to cry. I thought that Elder Young (name change) our fav missionary was getting transfered. Elder Young was fun, knew his scriptures and was cute. He was fun to be around because he joked a lot. "What's up, Young"? He didn't really look at me, he just glanced, and shrugged his shoulders. Not the usual response, he didn't even smile, and there were no jokes. When I turned to address his companion Elder Green, I noticed that it wasn't Elder Green at all, it was the Bishop. Hey Bishop! I was excited to see the Bishop, he hadn't ever been to my house before. "Hello", the Bishop seemed happy to see me too. Everyone looked so serious, I didn't really know what to say so like a dummy I asked "what are you doing here?" I don't know why I asked that question, but I wish I hadn't.

"Your mom called me this morning, she wanted to know why I hadn't cashed any of her tithing checks. (Note to self and all others listening, always give the Bishop the tithing checks!).

Personal thoughts: Can a 12 year old have a heart attack? Can Jesus take me now?! Do I have the power to will myself to die or faint? Can I make my head explode? What do I have to do to make my head pop off my neck, right now? How come I don't have a super power?? Dang! Dang! Dang!!!

My mom's voice was cold like steal, and flat, "have you been stealing the Lord's money"? She asked without blinking an eye. Stealing from the Lord? She made me sound like a cold hard criminal. I didn't say that, although I did think it. I just had the blank stare in my eyes that my mother hated, and the more I tried to focus, the dumber I looked. I couldn't speak, the room was quiet and seemed to be closing in on me. Everyone just kept looking at me waiting for a response. The tears came, and the confession followed.

Now, I don't know how the punishments went down at ya'lls house, but at my parents home the calm, cold voice was the worst. There was no yelling, there were no time outs (actually where I come from time outs were for athletes), there was no whippings (although that would have been so much easier for me) My mom looked at the Bishop and wanted to know when I would be confessing my sins before the Lord and the church. The Bishops response was at first slight laughter then realizing that my mother was serious he told her that we didn't do that in our church. I was happy that the LDS church was different. He did explain to her that I did need to repent and he wanted to meet with me on Sunday.

For most parents, the Bishops response would have been satisfying enough. Not for my mama, she had something else in mind for me. When I looked over at my father he just gave me that poor pitiful child look, and looked away. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't have to, I knew he was disappointed. Knowing that I had disappointed my father broke my heart. For the first time in a long time I couldn't wait to be banished to my room. One more little glance at my Dad and Elder Young and I knew I was for sure going to HELL! I only wish it would have been before Sunday which was two whole days away.

My mother woke me up early Sunday morning. I got dressed for church, we got in the car, and my dad drove to my uncle's church, my uncle's pentecostal church! I reminded my mom that I had a meeting with the Bishop at my church. "Not before you confess your sins before the saints at "our" church". Yes, brothas and sistas, I had to confess before my God, my uncle, and all the saint's of Greater Victory Church of God and Christ, that indeed "a man would and had robbed God". As I confessed my sin to the members of the congregation, they looked at me in shock, my cousins laughed, but some of the older members shouted out a few , "Oh bless her Lawds", "Watch her Jesus", I even heard someone say "Keep her Jesus, keep her Lord"! The comment that stood out the most to me was from ** Mother Harris (God rest her soul) "if you will steal from God, you will steal from me" then she clutched her purse like I was going to snatch it and run... Really? You see how people act sometimes? I used to go to Mother Harris' house all the time to help her clean, and she never paid me anything (not that it was an issue at the time). I'd never stolen anything from Mother Harris and I wasn't about to start.

Anyway, after confessing my sins to all the Saint's at Greater Victory Church, talking to the Bishop was a cake walk. I learned my lesson! No, there's no need for any of you to clutch your purses or check for your wallets when I'm around. I do think that we (LDS) should ask more often "Will A Man Rob God"? What? Don't act like ya'll have never kept a little spare change. It's time to confess your embarrassing sins that you can laugh about now. Who called you out and how did you respond?

**Mother of the Church~ The Elderly sister in the church. Sometimes even the pastors wife, or pastors widow. She is highly respected and usually sets the tone where behavior, dress, and standards are a concern. Church Mother usually helps decide what is socially acceptable for the women of the church. As a sign of respect this person is referred to as Mother.

Sista Beehive

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