The Deacons Drank The Wine!

There are experiences I had as a child that absolutely mortified me, but now that I am an adult I can look back at them and laugh. Why do so many of those experiences involve an LDS chapel and a man named Mr. Lucius? Mr. Lucius was a family friend who often accompanied my Grandmother when she attended church with my family. He was a retired school bus driver, with a mouth full of dentures, who spoke like he was constantly chewing on a biscuit. No one could ever understand what Mr. Lucius was saying. Unless of course the speech was going to be so embarrassing that you would slump so far down into the pew, that you hoped you might disappear. Those were the times when he spoke ever so clearly.

Mr. Lucius was a Bible thumpin, foot stompin, Southern Baptist. My siblings and I had long ceased to be phased by the Amen’s and Hallelujahs he enthusiastically shouted to the confused Sacrament Meeting speakers. In fact we often coaxed him into a few, but on this particular Sunday…oh boy!

During the passing of the Sacrament, the time when the chapel is most silent, Mr. Lucius grabbed the wrist of the Deacon, who had just finished passing us the water and loudly proclaimed….

“Them lil' alter boys done drunk all the wine and filled these cups with water!”

Oh my goodness!... I wanted to die... and be resurrected in a time when Mr. Lucius had all his teeth, but never ever, ever opened his mouth…...And why was he looking at us with that triumphant grin on his face, like he had just cracked an unsolved mystery. In my head I was screaming SIT DOWN, YOU ARE NOT COLUMBO!

My parents quietly tried to explain to a disbelieving Mr. Lucius, that the Deacons had not in fact drank any wine, and that the cups were intended to be filled with water. As the Deacon who was trying desperately to hold back his laughter collected the tray, I thought to myself…I will never live this down.

After the meeting, as I took my long slow walk of shame to Primary, I offered a fervent prayer...Dear God, please let it be true…am I adopted?

Sista Laurel


Am I the only one who has ever been embarrassed in the chapel?

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The Mormon James Earl Jones

There are those voices, those smoothe, silky voices, you know the ones. They can read the ingredients off canned food and make you melt. Let's name a few:

Sean Connery

    

James Earl Jones

          

Then there's Barry White. His voice is so sultry, his music has been dubbed "Baby Making Music".


A list of Best Speaking Voices also named: Anthony Hopkins, Elvis Presley, Morgan Freeman, Harrison Ford, Vincent Price,

and of course, Don LaFontaine.


On the lists of all the "Bad Boys of Voice," one voice is consistently missing. This voice reaches millions, it touches our hearts every week, "from the crossroads of the West.." He welcomes us to a program of inspirational music and spoken word.....

Lloyd D. Newell, Announcer for:
Music and the Spoken Word, Mormon Tabernacle Choir

& often forgotten - Bad Boy of Voice

Yup! That's him. Lloyd D. Newell. Now I know some of you are thinking, you're crazy, you just grouped him in with some of the best speaking voices of ALL time! You might be saying he's got nothing on Nathan Morris (the bass from Boyz II Men who does the speaking parts). Well, I'm saying your wrong, there's a reason he annouces for a Grammy winning choir, his voice is like sunshine in my soul today!

Now don't go telling folks that there are two sistas with a blog saying that during Music and the Spoken Word is the perfect time to get your groove on. Yes, Brother Newell is definitely on the list, but for that particular calling, please stick to the smooth sounds of Brotha Barry White.

Sista Laurel

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Blessed And Highly Favored!

Being a convert to the L.D.S. Church, I'm always impressed with our brothers and sisters who attend General Conference. Everyone always looks so nice and neat. Which is in contrast to my memories of the many Pentecostal Conventions I attended in my youth. My mother would go through great pains in search of the perfect hat, dress, and shoes, and that was just for us kids.

On the other hand, my mother took a totally different approach with her outfit. It was all about being and looking "blessed and highly favored by the Lawd". If her dress was store bought then her hat was hand made, if her hat was store bought then her dress was tailor made. My mother, like most women, wasn't willing to "run into herself," and the thought of that happening would create enough stress to make her switch outfits 3 or 4 times to be sure that she was going to look unique and fabulous! I want you to know that during Convention the women put the "D" in Dress and the men put the "S" in Sharp! At Convention, looking nice and neat simply won't do!

Now I know that there are so many other things that I need to be focused on during General Conference. However, my thoughts were on the wives of the many General Authorities that line the stands this Conference. I also wonder about the thoughts of the many sisters who are seated in the congregation. Did they frantically run around SLC in search of the perfect pink blazer? Did some of the women make a mad dash to ZCMI looking for the perfect purple dress?...oops that was the Mo-Tab. Anywho, I wonder if there will ever be a time when the women in our church will decide that "nice and neat" is no longer an option. I wonder when we will decide that it's time for us to really dress up for Jesus. When will we decide to step up and step out SHARP!!!?

Oh my... Where has the time gone? Here I've let my thoughts get the best of me, and I've missed most of the speakers. I'm so grateful for the Ensign!

Sista Beehive

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