I Can't I'm Mormon

One of the common things I’m asked about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is, do I find it difficult to be a member of such a strict religion. People often say to me, there are a lot of nice things about your church, but I don’t think I could give up all the fun stuff. I think that I have a lot of fun, so I always ask, what is that you think Mormons can’t do?

Sex, Sex, Sex! This is usually number one on the list. Without going into too much detail, I assure them that I have A LOT of sex. One of the Mormon stereotypes is that we all have tons of kids. Well, I don’t want to give the birds and the bees talk right now, but how can we be baby makers and sex deprived at the same time? I can’t have non-marital sexual relations. Funny thing is most religions teach this. I usually ask what religion they are and most of the time they agree that their religion teaches this too, “but it’s not like the pastor will do something to me they’ll say”. I’m not sure what non-Mormons envision, but there are no bedroom police in the LDS Church. Among the many church callings you can receive, that does not happen to be one of them. No one runs into the bedroom, or knocks on your fogged-up car window and says GOTCHA! No one stands at the pulpit and says would the congregation please shun Brother or Sister so and so, they were caught engaging in yada yada. Relax, there are no scarlet A’s to be worn.

I can’t drink alcohol; any of you that think Mormons should drink have never been to a function with my Mother-in-law’s side of the family. Attend just one and you’ll be asking us all to blow and pee on a stick! The good part is we’ll all probably come up clean, bad news, that doesn’t explain what we’re high on. (I could also refer to some Utah drivers not needing alcohol to swerve all over the road, but I won't). I can’t smoke; personally I wouldn’t smoke even if I were not a member of the LDS faith.

I can’t: caffinate, tattoo, look at porn, watch R-rated movies, wear fashionable clothing, pierce, swear, gamble, lie, cheat, steal, the list goes on and on. It’s not actually that Mormons can’t do these things, because I myself am not perfect, and believe me there are Mormons who do all of the above, but it’s a matter of choice. There are certain things that faithful members of the LDS church choose not to do and there are many, many people of different faiths and beliefs who also choose to refrain from some of these things. So like Sista Beehive said the other day, it shouldn’t be I can’t I’m Mormon, it should be I won’t I’m Mormon.

Ok, so I won’t be the chick who got drunk last night, gambled away all my money, woke up in some random dudes apartment, can’t find my tube top or my belly button ring, for some odd reason has random dude’s name tattooed on my arm, has an undetected STD, dude where’s my car, with a #1 hit on Youtube cause random dude taped it all, but know that it was my choice, so don’t you dare blame me for missing out on all that fun on the LDS church.

Sista Laurel