NO! Cherrios In the Chapel

I always wished I were in one of those families who brought Cherrios to church. Nope, that is not my testimony. We couldn’t do anything at church, but put our hands in our laps and look straight ahead. Once some friendly unsuspecting woman, had one of her kids offer us a snack. We each took one and popped it in our mouths. When my Mother looked down that pew and saw our mouths moving the look on her face alone made me start to sweat. You see my parents rarely said, “You’re gonna get it when you get home.” They had the “This is the place” mentality. If you can act up here then this is the place you get punished. After Sacrament meeting she herded us into the women’s restroom (yes, even my brother). Now Brothas and Sistas, I’m not going to write the details of what happened to us in the restroom that Sunday, but let’s just say we felt everything, but the Spirit. After that when ever someone tried to hand us a treat we looked at them like they were handing us a piece of leprosy and said, NO THANK YOU! (In our heads we were saying, “Get that away from me, I’m trying to be reverent, are you crazy! Do you not know who my Mother is?) I don’t know a thing about bring snacks to church in Tupperware, and by Tupperware do you mean those plastic cups my Mother kept in the cupboard that she said were too expensive for us to drink out of.

Once in Primary they told us bringing “quiet books” to church was a good way to be reverent in Sacrament meeting. Well, Brothas and Sistas, they lied, cause when I tried to walk out of the house with that “quiet book”, my Mama got real loud! Oh, and don’t even think about asking to go to the bathroom during Sacrament meeting, if you didn’t go at home, or before the meeting started, you had better take that up with your bladder. While we watched other children happily coloring in their coloring books, we looked down at the back of the one meeting program that my parents divided into sections so we could all share it to write down thoughts about the talks we were supposed to be listening too. In Sacrament meeting the Friend, was no friend of mine. If you thought church magazines were allowed, you thought wrong. Once my brother was reading one, and even though he was sitting on the opposite end of the pew from my Mom, the back of her go go Gadget arm found the back of his head.

Do you know why Bishops keep candy in their office, and say have as many as you’d like? I don’t, I don’t even know what the Bishop’s candy tastes like. When we got treats in Primary my parents wouldn’t let us eat them at church, not even after church. We had to take it home and save it. Save it for what you ask? Save it until they said we could eat it, and by then that popcorn ball was so stale, that it tasted like it actually fe1l off the apricot tree. (Click here if you don’t get that joke.)

Do you want to know who I blame? I blame YOU! My parents got away with acting like the Grinch Who Stole Primary thanks to all the adults who after Sacrament meeting said, "You’re children are always so well-behaved." So excuse me if I didn’t comment on yesterday’s post, I was to busy experiencing flash backs and cold sweats.

Was it just me, or did you have parents who sucked the fun out of being Mormon? What kind of parent are you? What keeps your kids reverent in Sacrament meeting? What keeps YOU reverent?

Sista Larel