Can I Get A Translator, The Mormons Are Speaking In Tounges Again

There are words and phrases that Mormons use all the time, they are common to us, but no one else knows what the heavens we are talking about.

Once, my parents invited a friend to Stake Conference. On the drive home, noticing that the man seemed somewhat agitated, my Dad asked if he had enjoyed the meeting. The man said, the meeting was nice, but we could have at least let him stay for the steak. He went on to say he had eaten a small breakfast that day, because he knew he would be having steak later on. When we all started giggling he looked really confused. My Dad explained that the word was actually S-T-A-K-E and not S-T-E-A-K, and that it was used to describe a group of Wards (another word we had to explain to him) within a certain boundary.

I wonder how many investigators have been planning to attend STEAK CONFERENCE?

Experiences like these got Sista Beehive and I thinking, wouldn’t it be great if there was a sort of Mormon Dictionary. Something to explain what non-members might expect, words they may not know, sayings we use all the time and what they mean.

In Wards with a lot of new converts, in an inner city area, or where the people just speak the native tongue and not Mormon, there can be great confusion.

During a Young Women’s lesson on chastity the leader giving the lesson said that the girls should avoid “necking and petting.” The girls had no idea what she was talking about. What is necking and petting, one of the girls asked? All the leaders looked at each other trying to think of a good way to explain it. Finally I said, “feeling each other up”. The young woman said, well why didn’t you just say that. I don’t know what necking is, but petting is something you do to a cat. Then the girls explained what “feeling someone up” was to those leaders who now looked confused. (That’s what leaders are talking about when they say, “I’m learning more from the girls than they are probably learning from me.”)

Here are some of the things we think should be in the Mormon Dictionary:

STAKE: A group of Wards

STAKE CONFERENCE: A meeting for the members of a stake; like most airlines no meals are provided; complimentary bread and water

WARD: A congregation; not to be confused with a ward in a mental institution, although some of the same people may be found at both

FIRESIDE: A meeting with a speaker who speaks on a religious topic; topics are often geared towards certain members such as the youth, single adults, etc; no fire is involved; meeting usually held at a Ward building in the chapel where it is usually cold.(side note: back to yesterday's topic, this could explain some of the cuddling)

BISHOPRIC: A Bishop and his two counselors make up a Bishopric; unlike when Mormons say, Sister Young or Brother Jacobs, the Bishops name is not Rick (so not Bishop Rick)

FAMILIES CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER is not a threat, but a saying Mormons used to describe a blessing. (Proves that Mormons do not marry young to get away from their families)

We do not say COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS because we are competitive and we want to compare who has most.

HIGH COUNCILOR: Mormons believe in saying no to drugs! (Would someone give us the actual definition please?)

These are just a few, but we know there are more, what would you include in a Mormon Dictionary? We are Women, most of us say we know everything, but we'll admit it, we know mostly everything, so if we have some of the actual definitions wrong please give us the correct definition.

Sista Laurel